Change of Pace
by ShrinkingViolet713
Summary: Helen and Mike persue a relationship while Bobby and Lindsay prepare for some new arrivals. Please r/r!
1. Default Chapter

Previously on _The Practice _(okay, I'm lying, this is the first story, but this is important background. Also, this is around season 8.)

Bobby pointed to the ultra sound screen. "That's the baby?" The doctor nodded and Bobby pointed to another part of the screen. "Then what's that?"

The doctor slid the paddle over Lindsay's stomach. "Well this explains why you've been so sick and why you've gained so much weight Lindsay. That is your other baby."

Lindsay's eyes grew wide. "Other baby?"

Dr. Klein smiled. "You're having twins."

______________________________________________________________________________

Mike cupped Helen's face in his hand. "I'm sorry sweetheart. But my grandfather needs me."

Helen nodded. "I understand."

Mike looked at the ground before shyly meeting her eyes. "Do you want to come with me?"

Helen smiled. "I would. But I'm in trial and it looks like it could last awhile. And you need to focus on your family now, without me distracting you. I'd be in the way."

Mike shook his head. "You wouldn't be in the way. I love you."

Helen smiled and turned her face to press a kiss to the palm of his hand. "I love you too."

"I'll miss you."

"Me too," Helen wrapped her arms around his neck and held on. "Call me?"

"Everyday," Mike promised.

______________________________________________________________________________

"Ellenor, would you have dinner with me?"

Ellenor's head snapped up. "Matt, I have a daughter."

Matt Hirsch nodded. "Zoe. I know."

"And you're okay with that?" Ellenor couldn't keep the note of shock out of her voice. Since her daughter was born, there hadn't exactly been men beating down her door. Only Mike and he was there for Helen.

"Yeah. I like you Elle. I want to get to know you better. Both you and Zoe."

Ellenor smiled softly. "Okay. Dinner."

******************************************************************************

Lindsay knocked on the door of Helen and Ellenor's apartment. She could hear a child's laughter and happy shouts coming from inside along with the laughter of an adult. She was about to knock again when the door was wrenched open. Ellenor stood on the other side, looking slightly harried.

"Hey. Sorry it took so long." Ellenor smiled as she let her friend into the house.

"No problem."

"How are you feeling?"

A small smile spread over Lindsay's face as she rested a hand on her rounded stomach. "Good. A little tired in the afternoons though." Both women had been involved in separate trials for the past few weeks and hadn't had a chance to talk. "How are things with Matt?"

Ellenor beamed and blushed. "He's great. He took Zoe and I to Chuck E. Cheese yesterday. And he's taking me dancing tomorrow."

Before Lindsay could answer, Zoe ran through the living room with Helen giving chase. 

"Catch me Hewen!" They ran into Helen's bedroom and a minute later, Ellenor and Lindsay heard a squeal and the laughter of both. "Unco! Unco!" Zoe yelled.

Lindsay raised an eyebrow at Ellenor who smiled. "They've missed each other with Helen spending so much time at Mike's. They've been doing this for 45 minutes." Zoe and Helen raced through the living room again, this time towards Zoe's room. Lindsay and Ellenor watched, amused. "Zoe adores her."

Lindsay tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her friend. "The feeling is clearly mutual. Helen's going to be a great mother someday."

Ellenor nodded in agreement. "Speaking of Helen, has she said anything to you about not feeling well?"

Lindsay shook her head. "No, why?"

"She's been really tired lately. We came home last night around 8 and found her passed out on the couch. She's been getting sick at night, but she insists it's stress and last week she almost fainted."

"Hm. Maybe she'll mention something tonight. If not, I'll ask about it." Lindsay grinned. "Subtly, of course."

Zoe ran into the living room yet again, saw Lindsay, and launched herself at their guest. "Windsay!"

Lindsay scooped the little girl into her arms and smiled. "Hi sweetie. How are you?"

"Good. Where's Wobby?"

"Robby's at home watching baseball with his dad tonight."

Helen staggered into the room and collapsed on the couch. "Hey Babe."

Lindsay laughed. "Looks like someone wore you out."

Helen nodded and sighed before pushing herself to her feet. "I'll be ready in five minutes."

"I'll believe that when I see it." Lindsay sat down in a chair with Zoe on her lap.

"Very funny!" Helen yelled over her shoulder.

"Windsay?" Zoe asked, very serious. "Why is your tummy big?"

"Zoe!" Ellenor exclaimed, horrified. Lindsay, however, laughed. 

"Because I have babies in there."

"Reawy?" Lindsay nodded and Zoe's eyes lit up. "How many?"

"Two."

"Wow." Zoe tentatively put her hand on Lindsay's stomach. "Hi babies," she yelled. Both women laughed. "How come you get two?"

Lindsay shrugged. "Bobby and I are lucky."

Zoe let out a heartfelt sigh. "It would be nice to have a baby."

Ellenor picked her daughter up and held her upside down so her long brown hair touched the ground. "Maybe, but you're a handful all by yourself, Miss Zoe." She straightened then and headed towards her daughter's room as Helen came back in. "Come on baby girl, time for bed."

"No, Mommy! I want Hewen!" Zoe tried to squirm down. Ellenor shrugged and handed Zoe to her roommate. 

"What can I say? I'm a hit." Helen smiled. "Give your mommy a kiss good-night."

Zoe obediently leaned over and pressed her lips to her mother's. "Night Mommy. Wuv you."

"I love you to baby. Sleep tight."

Zoe laid her head on Helen's shoulder and waved a sleepy good night to Lindsay. "Bye Windsay."

"Good night Zoe."

Helen came back out a few minutes later and she and Lindsay headed out for dinner. They went to a small Italian restaurant and ordered before they were able to do more than make small talk.

"How are you doing?" Lindsay asked as she broke off a piece of Italian bread from the basket in the middle of the table.

"Okay. I miss Mike."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Yesterday. He asked me to come out for a weekend."

"Are you going to?"

Helen shrugged and opened a pack of saltines that were in with the bread, nibbling on a cracker before answering. "I don't know. I want to, but to fly out Friday night then back Sunday night...it would be too much. Plus it would be awkward for me to meet his family this way."

"It would be awkward for his family, or for you to go through all that again, after your grandmother?

Helen sighed. Leave it to Lindsay to cut through her carefully built up excuse and hit the core. "Both, I guess."

Lindsay nodded, understanding. "He makes you happy though."

Helen ate another cracker and nodded while she chewed, then swallowed. "How are you doing, Mom?"

Lindsay couldn't help the smile that spread over her face. "Great. Bobby's ecstatic. He's trying to think of rhyming names for the babies. So far he's come up with Marlene and Darlene for girls and Rod and Todd for boys." Lindsay wrinkled her nose. "I vetoed both ideas, telling him that our children are neither on a soap opera nor the Simpsons. He's hovering too. I'm surprised he let me continue this case, in my 'delicate condition' and all. But since the girl is so young, he let me. And Robby can't wait for his 'bruvvers' to be born. We keep telling him that they could be girls, but I don't think he believes us."

Helen laughed. "Bobby's just worried, after what happened last time."

Lindsay beamed. "Yeah. Speaking of worried, what's really up with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ellenor mentioned something about you being sick lately."

Helen blushed and looked at the table, twirling her grandmother's engagement ring around her right pinky finger. "I'm fine."

"Helen," Lindsay's voice softened. "You're a terrible liar. What's wrong? You can tell me."

"I'm late." Helen murmured.


	2. Change of Pace Chapter 2

Lindsay's eyes grew big, but she kept her voice low and soothing. "How late?"

"Eight weeks. I should have started again two days ago."

"Do you think you're pregnant?"

Helen nodded, tears swimming in her eyes. "I've been afraid to test though, like not knowing for sure makes it not true."

"You have to find out."

Helen nodded again and swallowed her tears. "I promised Ellenor I'd babysit tomorrow night so she and Matt can go dancing. Can you come over?" Helen raised bright blue eyes which showed fear and a vulnerability that was unusual for her. "I don't want to test alone."

"Of course I can." Lindsay laid a gentle hand over her friend's and squeezed. "It'll be okay 

Helen."

The next night Lindsay arrived at her old apartment a few minutes before 8:30 carrying a grocery bag which held a pint of each of their favorite ice cream flavors and a batch of Bobby's caramel chocolate chip brownies and a duffle bag which held her pajamas and clean clothes for the next day. She wore a pair of maternity jeans and a red sleeveless top and black sandals. She knocked softly, knowing that Zoe was asleep. A second later the door was flung open and Helen pulled her inside. 

"Hey Babe! I got the second season of 'Sex and the City' and I stole Ellenor's copy of 'Legally Blonde'! What'd you bring?"

Lindsay laughed. "Chocolate Fudge Brownie for you and Half Baked for me. Bobby sends his love and caramel chocolate chip brownies."

"Yum! I'll take those from you, I mean for you." Helen grabbed at the bag but Lindsay turned away, keeping it from her. 

"I'll put the ice cream in the freezer. Have you taken it yet?" Lindsay asked, even though she knew the answer.

"Which one do you want to watch first?" Helen chirped on, avoiding the question. 

Lindsay took care of the ice cream before turning back to her friend. "You have to take it, 

Helen."

"I know. I was thinking that we could wait a little bit. You know, watch one of the 

videos?"

Lindsay sighed, but looking at Helen and seeing her fear, she relented. "One episode, okay? You'll feel better knowing for sure."

Helen knew she wasn't going to get a better offer so she agreed. They watched the first episode of 'Sex and the City', and the second was about to start when Lindsay grabbed the remote and hit the stop button. "We can finish this up later. Did you buy the test, or do we have to go do 

that?"

"I got it."

"Okay, which one?"

Helen jumped up from the couch and ran into her bathroom, coming back a minute later with a plastic bag. "I wasn't sure which one to use."

Lindsay dumped the bag out on the table and laughed. Inside was every kind of pregnancy test on the market. "It's a good idea to test more than once, but I think this is going a little over board." Lindsay grabbed three different tests out of the pile. "These are the best. Go ahead." She held them out and waited. Helen took them and headed into the bathroom, looking like she was walking to her execution. Lindsay meanwhile got up and pulled out the brownies, helping herself to a glass of milk with them. Helen came back and sat down at the counter. 

"I did it. All three."

"Good. You want a brownie?"

Helen shook her head. "I'm too scared. I have to wait five minutes. Linds, what am I going to do if it's positive?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I can't have an abortion. It's a baby. I couldn't kill my baby."

"Okay. So you're going to keep it."

Helen nodded. "And after carrying a baby inside me for nine months, I couldn't give it up."

Lindsay smiled then. "What are you going to tell Mike?"

"Oh God. I have to tell him, don't I?"

"Well I'd recommend it. He's not stupid Helen, he'll figure it out. Plus you love him. And he loves you. He'll be happy."

"What if he's mad at me?"

"For having a baby? Helen really, does that sound like Mike to you?" Helen shook her head. It really didn't. "I actually think you're lucky." At Helen's shocked expression, Lindsay hastened to continue. "You've spent the last three years living with Ellenor and Zoe. You've seen what it's like to raise a child, and you've helped. You'll be a great mother, Helen." The last was spoken gently and it caused tears to fill Helen's eyes. 

"You called me 'queen bitch, killer bee'."

Lindsay shook her head. " I was talking about styles in court. But with kids, especially when it's your own, you're great."

"Thank you." She looked at the clock and swallowed hard. "Six minutes. Come with me?"

Lindsay put her glass down and followed her friend into her bedroom. Helen reached out and grabbed Lindsay's hand, clutching it tightly. "I can't look."

Wordlessly, Lindsay pried her friend's hand out of hers and walked into the bathroom. She looked at all three tests and turned back to her friend with a small smile on her face. "Congratulations Mommy."


	3. Change of Pace Chapter 3

Tears filled Helen's eyes as she collapsed on the bed and sobbed. "Oh God. We were so careful. How could I be pregnant? I'm not married. I'm not ready for this Lindsay."

Lindsay sat on the bed next to her friend and wrapped her arms around her, trying to offer comfort. "Sh. It's okay sweetie. You're going to be fine. Sh. It's okay."

Helen continued to cry and, feeling helpless, Lindsay rubbed her back and stroked her hair, anything to help her calm down. After a few minutes, Lindsay pulled away. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Helen nodded, still crying, and Lindsay hurried out of the room to the hall closet. She stood on a chair and dug around on the top shelf until she found the box. She opened it up and grabbed its contents before hurrying back to her friend. "Hey," she whispered. "Look who I found."

Helen raised red tear-filled eyes and smiled when she saw what was in Lindsay's hands. She reached out and accepted the ancient, threadbare, floppy stuffed rabbit with a watery smile. "Hoppy."

Lindsay nodded. Helen had had Hoppy since childhood and still dug him out when she really needed comfort. To Lindsay's knowledge, the last time Hoppy had seen daylight was after Richard Bay's funeral over three years ago. He'd stayed out for almost a month then. Helen cuddled him close now and looked up. "I'm scared Linds. Really scared."

"I know you are." Lindsay rubbed her back comfortingly. "You need to try to calm down though, okay? Think of all the good things."

"Good things?!"

Lindsay nodded. "You get to eat ice cream any time you want and people give up taxis for you."

Helen slanted a look at her friend. "I think I remember you complaining that they didn't care if you were pregnant when they went for the cabs."

Lindsay laughed. "You'll make them though, giving them hell about pregnant women and manners. They won't stand a chance. And in a few months, you're going to have a little baby who loves you no matter what, simply because you're its mother."

Helen nodded, still not sure she was happy about this, but no longer as terrified. "How am I going to tell Mike?"

Lindsay shrugged. "That's the fun part. But don't worry about that. He'll be happy Helen."

"I just thought of something."

"What?"

"I don't have a doctor."

"Of course you do. I know you have a gyno. That's the place you get birth control, remember?" Lindsay obviously thought that Helen had lost it.

"I mean I don't have an OB."

"Oh. Do you want to call mine?"

Helen nodded. "You like him, right?"

"Yeah. He's great."

"Is he open on Saturdays?"

"Yep."

Helen nodded again, resigned. "I guess I'll call tomorrow. Linds? Could you maybe not tell anyone yet? Especially Lucy."

Lindsay laughed. "If I told Lucy, the entire city of Boston would know. But I'll keep it a secret. It won't be easy..."

"Thank you."

"Come on." Lindsay stood and pulled Helen to her feet. "Let's go eat ice cream and celebrate."

"How about we eat ice cream to drown our sorrows since neither of us can drink now."

"Whatever. As long as I get ice cream. The babies are craving it."

They walked into the kitchen, grabbed the pints and spoons along with Bobby's brownies and the videos before going back to Helen's room to watch them on her TV. Both women changed into their pajamas before climbing into bed, turning on the video, and digging into the ice cream. Neither paid much attention to the movies though. Helen pumped Lindsay dry for information about being pregnant. They had just finished watching the first video of _SATC_ when Helen gave Lindsay a terrified look.

"What am I going to tell my parents? They'll kill me!"

"Helen, you're an adult," Lindsay soothed. "Besides, they raised you. Surely you can't shock them anymore than you already have."

"I can't tell them. They always told me that if I ever got pregnant without being married, not to bother to come home or tell them."

"Honey, I'm sure they meant when you were in school."

"No, they didn't." Helen was crying again. "They'll disown me."

"Sh." Lindsay wrapped her arms around her friend again, remembering how happy she'd been to be pregnant, both times, and wishing that her best friend could have that too instead of fear and doubt. "If they do, then they're narrow-minded and mean. Look at me Helen." Helen raised her eyes to meet her friends. Lindsay had never lied to her. "You're a grown-up successful DA with financial means to raise a child. You love babies and you're great with them. Zoe and Robby adore you. If your parents can't see what a wonderful mother you'll make then they don't deserve you as a daughter."

Helen nodded, still sniffing. "I really want my baby to have a family though."

"He will. We'll be his family." Lindsay promised.

"Really?"

"Really. Hey, when I told my mother I was pregnant with Robby, she told me to end it. She said that she wished she'd never had children because it ruined her figure."

"Your mom's a bitch." Helen stated. She'd never liked Gwen Dole and had no problem telling Lindsay as much. 

"I haven't spoken to her since. But Robby has me and Bobby and Steven. And you and everyone at the office. And your baby will have us too."

Helen hugged her best friend tightly. "Thank you. I love you, you know."

Lindsay returned the embrace with a smile. "I love you too, babe. You'll be a great mom."

Ellenor returned early the next morning to find her roommate and colleague sound asleep in Helen's room with two cartons of ice cream, a pizza box from the stuffed crust sausage and mushroom they'd ordered, and a plate of brownies strewn through the room. Ellenor shrugged and climbed into her own bed, only to be awaken a few hours later by Zoe jumping on her bed.

"Up Mommy! It's morning!"

Ellenor obediently climbed out of bed and told Zoe to go wake Helen up. The little girl raced into Helen's room and smiled when she saw Lindsay was there too. She jumped on the bed and bounced up and down.

"Hewen! Windsay! Wake up!"

Lindsay moaned and rolled over. They hadn't gotten to bed until two in the morning and being pregnant, she needed more than four hours of sleep. Helen didn't move. Zoe saw this and bent down so her face was right in front of Helen's. 

"WAKE UP!"

Helen's eyes flew open and she screamed. "ARGH!"

Zoe smiled and bounced on the bed. "Morning Hewen!"

"Morning Zoe," Helen mumbled. "Is your mommy up?"

"Yeah! She's making oatmeal an' toas an' eggies!"

Lindsay's stomach rolled dangerously. She hadn't gotten over morning sickness yet and hurried into Helen's bathroom before she got sick. Zoe watched, wide eyed.

"What's wong with Windsay? Is she sick?"

Helen, not quite ready to wake up, closed her eyes again. "She'll be fine honey. Why don't you go eat breakfast?"

"K." Zoe climbed down and bounced in the doorway. "You come too."

Helen groaned and climbed out of bed, shoved her feet into a pair of fuzzy blue slippers, and followed Zoe into the kitchen.

Ellenor looked up from the stove and smiled. "Morning."

Helen glared daggers at her roommate. "Was waking us up your idea?"

Ellenor shrugged innocently. "Lindsay still sleeping?"

"No, she's dealing with morning sickness."

"I remember those days."

Helen laughed. "So do I. I was amazed you made it out of the bathroom some days."

"And you were a big help standing outside the door asking if I wanted coffee or breakfast sandwiches."

Helen winced, realizing that she was likely going to be paid back in full now for teasing Ellenor during her pregnancy. Luckily, her morning sickness was in the evening so she could always hide out at work until after it was over. Or see if she could get Ellenor to go out with Matt every night. 

"Hey, you want coffee," Ellenor asked as she pulled out Helen's favorite mug in anticipation of her answer.

"No, I'll have...um..." Helen trailed off. She had no idea what she should have, she just knew that it couldn't be coffee.

"Orange juice," Lindsay finished for her as she came out of the bathroom, still looking a little green. "And I'll have some too, thanks."

Helen shot her a grateful look. "I'll get it for you."

Lindsay nodded. "Thanks. Can I use the phone?"

Ellenor nodded and Lindsay grabbed her palm pilot, looking up the number of her OB. She called and made an appointment under her name for later that day. 

"Hey, you want breakfast," Ellenor offered.

Lindsay shook her head, still not sure that food would make her stomach feel better. "No thanks."

"Windsay, bweakfast is the most 'portant meal of the day." Zoe lectured, obviously something she'd heard from her mother. "I have oatmeal an' toas."

Lindsay smiled weakly and stroked a hand over Zoe's hair as she sat on a stool. "Maybe dry toast would be okay."

Helen placed the juice in front of her friend and took a sip of her own. Ellenor watched her friends curiously. Lindsay drank coffee all the time, unless she was pregnant. Usually so did Helen. But both had shied away from caffeine that morning.

"Helen, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why," Helen asked, smiling brightly.

"I've never seen you make it through the morning without coffee."

Helen's stomach dropped, not from sickness but from fear. She'd have to think of a good excuse, but the only one that came to mind sounded a little weak. "I feel bad that Lindsay can't drink coffee so I told her I'd stay off it too."

Ellenor raised a brow. "You didn't do that when either of us were pregnant before."

"I...didn't think of it then."

"Riiiiight."

Helen quickly finished her juice before hurrying into through her shower and quickly dressed. 

Lindsay stayed in the kitchen, trying to nibble on the toast that Ellenor placed in front of her. 

"Linds," Ellenor's voice was little more than a whisper. "Did she tell you what's bothering her?"

Lindsay looked down at her plate, knowing that her friend would likely sense a lie. "No. But she seemed fine. I better go get ready for my OB appointment."

Ellenor raised a brow. "I thought your OB was next week."

Lindsay's eyes flashed with something unintelligible, but it looked like guilt. Every Friday, Lucy went over everyone's schedules for the coming week. She'd read off Lindsay's OB appointment on Thursday, then asked if Bobby would be gone then too. He'd smiled tenderly at his wife and said of course he would. Lucy had nodded, then made gagging noises behind her hand. Lindsay knew Ellenor remembered because she'd been the one to snap that Lucy was jealous. "I, uh, need more prenatal vitamins." 

With that, Lindsay stood up quickly and hurried into the bedroom. She came in while Helen was drying her hair and jumped in the shower. When she got out, Helen was impatiently pacing the room.

"Would you hurry up, please?!"

Lindsay sighed as she turned the dryer on her head, shouting over it. "The appointment isn't for an hour and a half. Relax."

"You relax," Helen snapped before she could stop herself. "I'm about to find out for certain if I'm pregnant."

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "You took three tests Helen. Do you really think all three gave false positives?"

Helen shook her head and sank to the bed with her right hand pressed to her stomach. "No."

Done with her hair, Lindsay turned and sat on the bed next to her friend. "How're you doing," she asked earnestly. 

"I think I'm in denial," Helen responded with a self-depreciating laugh. 

"You're allowed that."

"I don't know though. I don't think I'm as scared as I was. Maybe I'm getting used to it. Or I'm numb."

"You'll get used to it."

Helen nodded, then looked at her watch again. "Can we go now? I really want to know."

Lindsay sighed and stood.. "Sure."

As they drove through downtown Boston, Lindsay glanced at the woman who'd been her best friend for sixteen years, since their freshman year at Harvard. Even with midterms, finals, the bar exam, and guys who she'd liked but for some reason hadn't called her back, she had never seen Helen this nervous. She bounced her leg in time some tune in her head and glanced at her watch every sixty seconds. She stared out the window, chattered about anything and everything that came to her mind, and generally drove Lindsay nuts. She would normally have snapped at her to stop for the love of all things holy before she pulled the car off to the side of the road. But the look in Helen's eyes was something different than she'd ever seen. Worry, fear, and excitement flew through her eyes, none staying long enough for Lindsay to figure out which one Helen was really feeling, though she figured it was all three. They finally pulled up to the doctor's office and Helen barely waited for it to stop before she opened the door.

"Jesus, Helen!" Lindsay reached over and grabbed her friend's arm, keeping her in the car until it was stopped and turned off. They both walked into the doctor's office and Lindsay walked to the counter to check in, even though they were still half an hour early. They waited, Lindsay reading an issue of Entertainment Weekly detailing the winter movies from the year before while Helen paced in front of her, pretending to look at the aquarium on one end of the room, then the picture of sheep on the other end. After fifteen minutes of this, Lindsay finally huffed out a breath. 

"Helen, please, sit down. You're making me motion sick."

The dark haired woman shot her friend a withering look. "I think they call it something else in _your_ condition."

Lindsay raised an eyebrow, indicating that Helen was on thin ice. Realizing that the one more favor she had to ask might not get granted if she didn't listen, she sat down, pressing her lips together and rocking back and forth a little. Lindsay took pity on her friend then and grabbed her hand.

"Calm down," she whispered. There were already people looking at her like she was nuts. "Being stressed and worried isn't good for the baby."

That made Helen laugh. "Oh yeah. No stress in our jobs."

"All the more reason to take it easy on the weekends."

They were saved by further argument when a nurse opened the door. "Lindsay Donnell?"

Helen turned then and pleading asked her last favor. "Come with me?"

Lindsay smiled. "Of course. I've come this far." Both women stood, following the nurse to a room with pale blue walls and green carpet. Lindsay sat down in a chair while Helen examined the pictures of the stages of fetal development on the walls. 

"Linds." Lindsay looked up to see her friend pointing at the diagram of a woman, nine months pregnant. "Doesn't that hurt? Look at your organs!"

She laughed. "You don't need to tell me, I've been through it!"

"How do you eat?"

"A little at a time, all day long is the only way it works."

"Is that what's going to happen to me?"

"Yep! But hey, I have two of those in me."

"That is true," Helen laughed.

They were both surprised by a knock on the door. Dr. Klein entered and looked at the two women. "Lindsay?"

Lindsay smiled. "Hi doctor. This is my friend Helen Gamble. She thinks she's pregnant. She took three tests yesterday, all positive."

"All right then, Ms. Gamble hop up on the table and we'll have a look." 

Helen got herself situated on the table and the doctor pushed her shirt up before squeezing cold jelly on to her stomach. She sucked her stomach in and gasped. "That's cold."

Lindsay laughed. "Yeah."

Dr. Klein then took the thing off the ultra sound machine that Helen thought looked like a microphone from a CB radio and moved it over her stomach. 

Helen looked at the screen, watching when the doctor stopped and pointed to the screen. "See that line?" Helen nodded, tears of wonder pooling in her eyes as she reached for Lindsay's hand. "That's the baby's heartbeat. And right there?" He pointed to a spot of the picture. "There's your baby's head, there's his arm, his legs."

"A boy?" Helen asked, immediately thinking of Mike's son wearing a little Red Sox outfit.

"You're only ten weeks along, that's not far enough to know. All of my babies are boys until I know otherwise. Do you want to know the sex?"

Helen shook her head. "I want to be surprised."

"Okay then." Dr. Klein wiped the gel off of Helen's stomach. "We got a due date for you, December 17th. Which means that the baby was most likely conceived on March 17th."

"St. Pat's." Helen said, grinning at Lindsay who nodded. They both remembered the whole firm, plus Helen and Mike going out to McCall's. Helen and Mike had left early and it had been obvious to everyone why.

"You need to cut out caffeine and alcohol," Dr. Klein continued. "Don't take any over the counter drugs until you run it by me, make sure to get lots of rest and avoid stress. Make sure you get plenty of calcium and folic acid, so drink lots of milk and orange juice. I'm going to write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins, take one every morning. I'd like to see you again in a month, okay?"

Helen nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed. "I'll call Monday for an appointment."

"Good." Dr. Klein shook her hand. "Good to have you as a patient, Ms. Gamble."

Helen nodded and exited the office in a daze. Lindsay followed and waited until they were in the car before turning to her friend.

"Well," she asked gently.

Helen turned to her and smiled. "I'm going to have a baby, Linds. I'm going to be a mommy."

"Yeah," Lindsay smiled back. "You are."

Helen pressed a hand to her stomach. "There's a little baby Mike and I made growing inside of me. It's wonderful!" She leaned over and caught her friend in a hug. Lindsay relaxed then and hugged her back.

"You're happy then."

Helen sighed deeply. "It's kinda scary, but overall, yeah. I'm happy." _I'm going to have a baby,_ Helen thought and slowly moved her hand to rest protectively on her stomach.


	4. Change of Pace Chapter 4

Lindsay arrived home half an hour after taking Helen to fill her prescription and letting herself into the apartment. "Bobby? I'm home!" When no one answered, she wandered into the bedroom and smiled to see that Bobby had made the bed that morning. She walked into their son's room to find it in the usual disarray of toys and books. No one in there either. 

A little worried now, Lindsay hurried into the kitchen and looked around, then smiled when she saw the kitchen table. There, sitting on the scarred wood, was a strip of black and white pictures from one of those booths at the mall showing the two men in her life making faces at the camera in two pictures, Bobby tickling Robby in one, and in the last, both smiling at the camera, identical smiles melting her heart. Under the pictures was a note. "Linds, I took the little monster here to the park. Think about what you want for dinner. We'll be back by three. We love you! Love, B&R"

Lindsay's eyes filled with tears, tears for her husband and son who she loved more than life, and tears for her best friend, that the beginning of Helen's family wouldn't be as easy as Lindsay's had been. Not that she and Bobby had ever done things the easy way, but he'd been right next to her for her entire pregnancy, just as excited and happy as she was. Mike would be happy about the baby, Lindsay was sure of it. She just wasn't sure what would happen with Mike and Helen's personal relationship. 

Lindsay shook her head and decided to use the few hours of quiet to work on her only case. She grabbed the files from her briefcase and walked onto the terrace where she sat in a lounge chair and started working on her closing for Monday. 

It was really an awful case. Lindsay's client, Amanda Byrd, was a fourteen-year-old girl who was accused of the murder of Jeff Gladstone. Amanda had gone to baby-sit for Gladstone's wife while he was away on business. Gladstone had arrived home early and raped Amanda. She had managed to grab a kitchen knife and stab him with it. Now Amanda was being charged with first degree murder because she'd waited until he fell asleep, about half an hour, before stabbing him which qualified as premeditated. In addition, Amanda had become pregnant and now Gladstone's parents were trying to keep her from having an abortion, claiming that as grandparents they had the right to know the child. Amanda was getting desperate. She was three months pregnant and wanted to have the abortion as soon as possible. 

It was a horrible predicament and Lindsay felt awful for the girl. She had a good feeling on murder 1. The jury had heard Amanda up on the stand sobbing about what had happened. However there was no precedent for the abortion case and Lindsay was a little worried about it. She couldn't imagine killing her child, but at the same time she couldn't fathom what Amanda must be going through. She decided that it was time to take a page from Bobby's book and alter her closing strategy from clinical persuasion to passion. She worked for an hour and a half, hand writing the closing the first time. It was only a rough draft, but it was pretty good. She'd run it by Bobby tonight or tomorrow and fix it a couple more times. 

Pleased with her progress, Lindsay stood and stretched. Tired, she wandered into the living room with her files and lied down on the couch, planning to catch up on the last week of _Days of Our Lives_, which she taped religiously. 

As Shawn told Jan that he could no longer live the lie that he was her baby's father, Bobby unlocked the door, balancing the sleeping Robby in his right arm along with Robby's bike that he'd insisted on bringing to the park in his left and the bag that Lindsay made him bring anywhere he took Robby over his shoulder. It was 3:30 and they were late, but Bobby had picked up a surprise for his wife. The door finally swung open and Bobby stumbled in, dropping the bag and bike next to the door. He carried Robby into his room and put to him to bed, tucking him under the covers after he removed the little boy's shoes. 

Bobby glanced into his bedroom, looking for his wife. She'd been acting really strange the day before and he was hoping to figure out what was wrong. When he didn't find her in their room or in their bathroom he tried the balcony. She liked to work on cases out there nice days, but she wasn't there either. Bobby was starting to get worried. Surely she couldn't still be with Helen? He was about to call to check when he caught a glimpse of the couch and smiled at what he saw. 

Lindsay was sound asleep curled against the back of the couch, one hand resting on her stomach, the other cupping her cheek. Bobby crept over to her, even though when she was pregnant it took an act of God to wake her up. He sat next to her and gently brushed his finger over her cheek to her lips. When she still didn't move, he laid next to her, kissing her neck gently. Lindsay sighed and cuddled closer to him, smiling in her sleep. 

Never one to give up, Bobby kissed her again. Lindsay rolled over sleepily. She opened her eyes and smiled into his husband's eyes. "Hey."

Bobby smiled. "Hey yourself. How're you feeling?"

Lindsay stretched again and burrowed into her husband. "Good. Where's Robby?"

"Taking a nap. All the bike riding and playing we did wore him out. How was your girls night with Helen?"

Lindsay closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I'll tell you later." Her voice caught as tears filled her eyes and were quickly blinked back.

"Hey there." Bobby drew her close and held her tightly. "What's wrong?"

"Later," Lindsay repeated. "When we're sure Robby won't wake up and hear us."

"Okay," Bobby murmured, stroking her back and hair comfortingly. "Come on."

"Where?" Lindsay was quite happy to stay on the couch in Bobby's arms for the foreseeable future.

"I was thinking somewhere a little more comfortable. Like bed?"

Lindsay pulled back and smiled. "Bed sounds good."

Bobby shifted a little so she was sitting in his lap before he slid one arm under her knees and the other around her back and stood, lifting her with him. He carried her into the room and laid her gently on the bed, lying next to her. Sensing that she needed to feel loved, Bobby took his time. He trailed his fingers gently over her body causing chills and heat to mix before he slid the oversized pink t-shirt over her head and removed the khaki maternity pants. She wasn't very big yet but big enough that her old clothes didn't fit. 

Lindsay responded by sliding his navy blue polo shirt over his head and pressing hot kisses to his chest. She let her hands slide down his sides to his pants where she pulled off his belt before purposely fumbling with the button and zipper, letting her hand "accidentally" brush against the bulge in his pants. 

Desperate, Bobby grabbed her hands and pulled her back up to him. Once she was there, he lowered his mouth first to one breast, then the other, slowly and deliberately drawing her closer and closer to her peak. Finally he slid out of his blue jeans and entered her, moving slowly at first, then quickening until they both climaxed together, Lindsay clinging desperately to him, afraid to let go.

After, Lindsay dozed in Bobby's arms, their hands linked over the children growing in her stomach. Bobby watched her and smiled gently. She was so beautiful, so delicate but so strong.

He knew that the Byrd case was bothering her. He hadn't wanted her to stay on it, but she'd insisted. Finally in desperation, she'd appealed to him as his wife, not his partner, pleading that Amanda was emotionally fragile and needed consistency. It was dangerously close to the argument he'd made for remaining on Scott Wallace's case four years before and she'd given into him then. So he gave into her now, with Rebecca second chairing and keeping an eye on her. 

Before he could ponder what was bothering his wife any more, Robby showed up in the doorway, looking confused. Bobby was thankful that both he and Lindsay had gotten dressed again after making love, she in her t-shirt and he in boxers when he suddenly heard a small voice ask, "Daddy? Why you and Mama sleeping?"

Bobby smiled and motioned the little boy up on the bed with them. Robby happily scrambled up and wedged himself between his parents. Bobby held a finger to his lips and whispered, "Mama's sleeping because the babies make her tired."

"Why?"

Bobby thought about that. "Because growing big and strong takes a lot of energy." He was proud of his answer. 

Robby nodded seriously. "K."

Sensing Robby's presence, Lindsay rolled over, opened her eyes, and when she saw her son's blue eyes she sat up. "Hi big boy."

"Mama!" Robby crawled into her lap for a hug. "Missed you."

"I missed you too." Lindsay murmured into his hair as she held her son close. Bobby wrapped his arms around both. This was perfect he thought. He had his whole world, his family, safe in his arms. Robby squirmed out of his mother's arms and began jumping on the bed.

"I'm hungry!" the little boy announced and his parents laughed. 

"Dinner tonight is Mama's choice," Bobby said and smiled at Lindsay. "What are we craving tonight?"

Lindsay thought for a second then blushed. Bobby saw it and raised his eyebrows. She relented. "I'd really like to have breakfast food. With the morning sickness, I haven't been able to enjoy an omelet or sausage in three months."

"Mama," Robby explained in a very patient adult voice. "It not breakfast, it dinnertime!"

"That's okay buddy,"Bobby stood, scooping Robby into his arms and spinning him around in a circle. "You can have breakfast food anytime you want."

"Really?" Robby asked in that way that meant he was thinking of something that would get him in trouble. "Tomorrow I have hot dogs and fries for breakfast?"

Lindsay laughed and shook her head. "Sorry, this rule only works for breakfast food."

Robby pouted for a minute, then his eyes lit up again. "I have Mickey Mouse?"

The senior Donnell nodded. "One Mickey Mouse pancake for Robby. What do you want sweetheart?"

Lindsay smiled dreamily, thinking of all the foods she'd missed. "A cheese omelet, and sausage, and cinnamon buns, and hash browns, and waffles with strawberries. And coffee?" The last item she knew she wasn't likely to get, but she'd missed her coffee so much.

Bobby grinned at his wife and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Decaf. I can handle that. Do you want to get up or do you want to take a longer nap?"

Lindsay shook her head and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "I'll get up, or I won't be able to sleep tonight."

"Okay." Bobby bent to press a kiss to her lips before pulling on his jeans and black polo shirt again. "Why don't you get ready, then you can come squeeze oranges? I bought some today as a treat and we'll have fresh squeezed juice with dinner."

Lindsay nodded, fresh squeezed juice was one of her favorite treats. Bobby left with Robby to get dinner started and Lindsay pulled her pants on and brushed her hair before joining them. 

After having dinner, or breakfast, they pulled on gym shoes and walked four blocks to Robby's favorite ice cream store, Bessie's Ice Cream Parlor. The entire store was decorated in cow print and the ice cream, which was all soft serve, came out of the udders of a giant fake cow. Robby loved the cow and the ice cream wasn't bad, so they usually went there once a week. 

They got their treats then took them to the park across the street to eat. Bobby licked his strawberry cheesecake flavored cone while Robby happily licked at his peanut butter ice cream with marshmallow topping, which both his parents thought was disgusting. Lindsay was enjoying her dish of chocolate yogurt with chocolate sauce, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate chips, and brownie pieces. Bobby had teased her that the babies chose the flavor, but she just glared at him and concentrated on the indulgence. 

When the ice cream was all finished and Robby's very sticky face had been cleaned up, Bobby and Lindsay spent the rest of the evening playing on the playground with their son. They pushed Robby on the swing and Bobby had brought along a child's soft baseball and gloves, so Lindsay sat on the grass, quite happy to watch her husband teach their son the elementary points of baseball. 

After playing catch for awhile, Robby noticed a lady walk in to park. His eyes lit up as he dropped both ball and glove. "Mama, Daddy look, a puppy!" He hurried over with Lindsay and Bobby on his heels. 

"Hi Lady!" Robby exclaimed as he reached out to pet the golden retriever.

"Robby, ask first," Lindsay reminded gently. 

"I pet the puppy?" Robby asked hopefully and the lady laughed.

"Sure you can. You can even hold her for me while I get my box out of my car."

"Okay!" The lady came back with a box and put it on the ground, revealing five balls of golden fur. 

"This is Missy," the lady gestured at the older dog whom Robby was holding. "And these are her puppies. I'm trying to find a good home for the puppies."

Robby immediately fell in love with the puppies and began to play with them, rolling around in the grass, laughing as they licked his face. 

Bobby came up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her waist, gently pulling her to him. Lindsay laid her arms over his and leaned back against his strong chest, grinning when she felt his chin come to rest on the top of her head. She loved it when he held her this way. They watched their son for awhile before Robby came up with one of the puppies in his arms.

"Mama, Daddy, I keep the puppy?"

Lindsay shook her head. "Sorry honey. We don't have room for a puppy."

Robby's lower lip poked out, an exact replica of his mother's pout and he went back to play. Bobby waited a few minutes before leaning down to whisper in Lindsay's ear.

"Maybe we should..." That was as far as he got before Lindsay shook her head.

"Don't you start too Bobby. Where in our apartment is there room for a golden retriever?"

"It's just a puppy." Bobby pointed out, sounding about three years old himself. "And you said yourself that we have to buy a house so we have room for the babies." His hands stroked gently over her stomach, hoping to win her over that way.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "Yes, we do need to buy a house. BUT, in five and a half months, we're going to have two new babies. Two infants, plus a three-year-old, plus a dog is too much. And who would end up taking care of it?"

"Robby and I would," Bobby quickly volunteered. "It'll be good for him to learn responsibility."

Lindsay looked back at her husband gently. "I know you want a pet, honey. But for right now, until the babies are at least four, I think the only pet we should have is a goldfish."

Bobby let out a sigh and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Okay. But in four years, I want to talk about getting a real pet."

"Deal," Lindsay answered and they sealed it with another kiss. 

They finally got back home around 7:30 when it started getting dark. Lindsay drew a warm bath and despite Robby's sleepy protests gave him a quick bath before getting him dressed in his pajamas. She tucked him into bed, made sure he had his blanket that he'd slept with since he was born, then sat at the foot of the bed while Bobby read him the story of _Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel._

"Mike, like Uncle Mike?" Robby asked sleepily, referring of course to Mike Maguire. Bobby shook his head no and both parents kissed Robby good-night before tiptoeing out of the room, leaving the door cracked and a night light on. 

Back in the living room Bobby decided that it was a good time to broach the subject of what had been bothering Lindsay since her dinner with Helen Thursday night. Before he could though Lindsay, apparently sensing that he wanted to talk and not really being ready to, asked his opinion on her closing. He listened patiently, gave her a few ideas for changes, then took the bull by the horns so to speak.

"So I'm guessing all did not go well with the girls night," Bobby said, sitting down close to his wife and taking her hands in his. Lindsay shook her head as tears filled her eyes. Bobby pulled her into a hug and held her there, soothing her by rubbing a gentle hand up and down her back. "It's all right baby. What happened?"

Lindsay sighed. Helen had agreed that she could tell Bobby, but no one else. She took a deep breath. "Helen's pregnant."

Bobby's eyes grew big and his jaw dropped, rendering him temporarily speechless. "Wha-?"

"Helen's pregnant," Lindsay repeated, a little aggravated.

"But who...when...how..."

The last question made Lindsay laugh a little. "If you've forgotten how, we might need to have a little refresher course for you."

"You know what I mean."

Lindsay nodded and continued. "She was late and told me on Thursday. The baby is Mike's and you know he's out of town?" Bobby nodded. "Well she didn't want to test alone so she asked me over last night. She took three tests and they're all positive. Today I took her to Dr. Klein, who confirmed it."

"I still don't get why you're so upset."

"She's all alone Bobby. Mike's in Chicago dealing with his grandfather's being sick and she didn't plan this."

"Mike won't be in Chicago forever though. Is she happy about it?"

Lindsay nodded. "I think she is. But she's afraid to tell Mike, afraid to tell her parents, afraid of what's going to happen. Just afraid. And I started to think about what I would do, how I would feel if something happened to you and I had to raise Robby and these babies all alone." Her voice broke as tears poured faster down her face and she sobbed. "And I don't think I could do it."

Bobby gathered her into his lap and gently rocked her back and forth. "Sh. Lindsay, I'm not going anywhere. You won't have to do it alone, I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

"I'm so scared for her," Lindsay continued to sob. "I'm happy because she'll be a great mom, but I'm scared for what she'll have to go through. What if Mike isn't happy about the baby? What if she had to do it all alone? I was lucky because you were with me and I was so happy, so sure that you'd always be there. Helen doesn't have that."

"Linds, you know Mike," Bobby tried to reason with her. "He'll be thrilled to be a daddy. And even if for some reason he isn't, she'll still have you and me and Ellenor, and everyone at work. She'll be fine. Helen's a fighter, you know that. She'll manage just fine."

Lindsay nodded but stayed tightly in her husband's arms. She needed him to hold her then, to reassure her that she wasn't alone. They stayed like that for several minutes before Bobby slowly stood, brining Lindsay up with him. They walked into their bedroom and after changing into their pajamas climbed into bed, Lindsay still clinging to him, afraid that if she let go, he'd disappear.

When Bobby's breathing grew steady, Lindsay gently levered herself out of bed and headed back into the living room. Once there, she plugged in her laptop and took a deep breath. Despite her fears for her friend and her own emotions, Lindsay needed to concentrate on Amanda Byrd's case. She began to type her closing and as it had hundreds of times before, the act of working blocked out all of her other worries. She didn't realize how late it was until she heard Bobby emerge from their room.

"You okay," he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

Lindsay nodded. "I just wanted to finish this."

"Done?"

"Almost. Go back to bed, Bobby. I'll be in soon."

"Don't be too long." Bobby kissed the top of her head. 

"I won't," but Lindsay was already engrossed in her closing again, and it was nearly 2:00 before she re-entered their bedroom to find Bobby already asleep. She crawled into bed and snuggled up against him. She smiled when, even in his sleep, his arms came around her, holding close. She drifted into sleep that way, Bobby spooned behind her, his hand protectively resting on her stomach. 

Across town, Ellenor had put Zoe to bed and was working on preparing the questions for her next witness in her room. Thankful for the quiet and time alone with her thoughts, Helen wandered around the living room alone with one hand resting on her stomach over her child, looking at the pictures that decorated the shelves and tables. 

She'd been exhausted when she arrived home after the doctor's appointment and found that Ellenor had taken Zoe to the park. She'd taken a nap, then woken up when Zoe climbed on to the bed and asked why she was sleeping. Helen had then taken care of Zoe so Ellenor could work on the case. As she'd rocked the little girl and read her a story before bed, Helen tried to picture rocking her own child in a few months. The thought made her smile. She'd always wanted children. Maybe not without being married, but to have a baby...the idea filled her with awe. 

The two pictures that her eye kept coming back to were ones of her with the kids, Robby and Zoe. One showed Helen holding Robby at his baptism, sitting in a rocking chair in Lindsay and Bobby's living room talking to the baby with a small smile on her face. Bobby had taken the photo and she never noticed until her birthday a few months later when Lindsay gave it to her in a frame that said "I love my Godmother," supposedly a gift from Robby. 

The other picture was one that Ellenor had taken one night when she'd been working late at the office and asked Helen to pick Zoe up from daycare. Unfortunately, it had been one of Zoe's cranky nights and by the time she'd cried herself to sleep, Helen was exhausted. She lied down on the couch, Zoe resting on her chest, asleep. Ellenor had come home to find her roommate and her daughter both sound asleep, Helen cradling Zoe to her. Ellenor had smiled, glad that Helen was so good with the baby. Ellenor had been a little worried and not sure how Helen would react. But from the beginning Helen had been delighted with Zoe and loved taking care of her. Ellenor knew that her roommate would want the reminder of that moment. Now she, Helen, was going to have a baby. She was the mommy.

Helen was jerked out of her thoughts when the phone rang. She grabbed it automatically, not wanting to wake Zoe up. "Hello?"

"Hi gorgeous," Mike's voice answered. Helen was suddenly torn. She had no idea if she was going to tell him about the baby or not. So she half listened to Mike telling her about how his grandfather was improving slowly. "What have you been doing? Not working too hard I hope."

"What?" Helen was snapped back to the conversation. "Oh, no I haven't been working too hard. Lindsay and I went out to dinner Thursday night."

"That's nice. Did you ladies have a good time?"

"Yeah. Ellenor went out last night so I babysat for Zoe."

"Ellenor went out with Matt?"

"Yeah."

"They seem to be getting serious."

"Ellenor deserves it. He's great to her and Zoe. Lindsay came over for a girls night while I babysat Zoe."

"That sounds dangerous," Mike teased and Helen laughed awkwardly. 

"We ate ice cream and watched _Sex and the City_. It was harmless, I promise."

"That's good. The doctors think that Grampa might be out of the hospital by the end of next week."

Helen's mind had wandered again, back to their child. "What?"

Mike repeated himself slowly. It wasn't like Helen to zone out like that. She'd sounded so surprised when she answered the phone, despite the fact that he called every night at the same time. "Are you okay sweetheart?" 

Helen gulped and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. You'll call tomorrow?"

"You know I will," Mike assured her, even though he was uncertain she was all right. "I love you Helen. You're sure nothing's wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I love you too, Mike. Talk to you tomorrow." Helen hung up the phone and sank onto the couch, pressing a gentle hand to her stomach. _I'm fine Mike. I'm just having your baby._


	5. Change of Pace Chapter 5

On Monday morning Helen sat in her office and tried to concentrate on the case in front of her. But after reading it five times, she still didn't remember any of the details of the case. Her mind was elsewhere, specifically in Chicago with Mike. 

She'd wanted to tell him Saturday night and the night before. She'd needed for him to know that they were going to have a baby. But she also knew that the timing wasn't right. She wanted to tell him to his face, to look in his eyes. And hopefully to see her own joy and excitement reflected there. So she held off telling him.

Helen heard her door open and close and looked up to see Bobby standing just inside her office. She stood up with a sigh and tried to look firm. 

"I told you Bobby, I won't go any lower. Your client..." Helen trailed off with a confused look on her face. "I didn't offer you a plea, did I?" 

Bobby shook his head, a tiny amused smile dancing on his lips. "No Helen, you didn't."

"And I'm not trying a case against you." 

Again Bobby shook his head. "No, you're not."

Helen sighed. "Sorry. I've had other things on my mind." Her brow furrowed then and she asked, "If you're not here about a case, what are you doing?"

"Lindsay has the Byrd trial today, I'm here for moral support."

Helen leaned a hip against her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. "How's she doing?"

"It's messy. It's hard on her, but she's doing great."

"Maybe I'll stop by and see her."

"She'll appreciate that."

Growing suspicious, Helen asked, "Bobby, if you're here to watch your wife, why are you in my office instead of the courtroom?"

Bobby smiled then. "Lindsay told me." He walked forward and gently enfolded Helen in a hug, which she happily accepted. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." Helen smiled back and pulled away.

"How far along?"

"Ten weeks. I'm due around December 17th."

"What'd Mike say?"

Helen looked at the ground, unable to meet the eyes of the man who'd become like a brother to her.

"What?!" Bobby exclaimed, correctly interpreting her silence. "Why not?"

"Think about it Bobby," Helen snapped defensively. "Do you really think I want to tell the father of my child that I'm pregnant when he's 1,000 miles away? I want to see his face, his reaction. I don't think it's that unreasonable."

Contrite, Bobby looked at the ground and shifted from side to side. "I'm sorry. I should have thought of that. I just know that if it were Lindsay and I, I'd want to know right away, as soon as she did."

"I'm going to tell him. I'm just waiting until he's home. So for now you and Lindsay are the only people who know. And I'd appreciate it if you don't tell anyone."

"I won't. I understand you wanting to keep it a secret for a little while. But I'd recommend not talking about it in our office. I think Lucy's bugged the place."

Helen laughed. Bobby gave her another congratulatory hug before hurrying downstairs to see his wife. Helen joined him an hour later when she'd finally managed to work out a decent plea on the burglary/assault case she was prosecuting the next day. 

In Judge Hiller's courtroom, Lindsay was furiously taking notes as the prosecution, represented by Alan Lowe, questioned the wife of Amanda Byrd's attacker.

"Mrs. Gladstone, do you believe that your husband committed the crime that the defendant is accusing him of?"

"Never! My husband would never cheat on me, he would never do something that repulsive."

"What do you know of the defendant?"

"She'd sat for us a few times. The kids liked her. But I know my husband didn't rape her."

"How do you know this?"

"Because Jeff was a wonderful man. He didn't have it in him to hurt anyone."

"Then how do you think Ms. Byrd came to be pregnant?"

"She seduced him" Tears filled Mrs. Gladstone's eyes and spilled over. "I think she seduced him, then to keep me from finding out, she killed him."

Mrs. Gladstone's testimony was interrupted however by Amanda bursting into tears at the accusations. Judge Hiller, annoyed by the disturbance in her court room called a 20 minute recess for both Mrs. Gladstone and Amanda to regain control. 

Lindsay turned to Amanda and gently took her hand. "I know it's hard to hear this Mandy. And we're going to go to another room that's private, okay?" Amanda nodded and Lindsay continued softly. "But before we go out in the hall where there will be press, I need you to calm down. Can you do this for me?"

Amanda nodded again and took deep breaths, trying to calm down. It took a few minutes, but she managed to reduce her tears to occasional hiccups. Lindsay and Rebecca stood, flanking Amanda, and the three left the courtroom, Bobby and Helen trailing behind. They were immediately bombarded with camera flashes and microphones from the press, reporters yelling questions. 

"Miss Byrd, did you seduce Mr. Gladstone?"

"Have you had the abortion?"

"How do you plan to discredit Mrs. Gladstone, Ms. Dole?"

"What are you planning to do about the finger prints on the knife?"

"Miss Byrd, what was going through your head when you stabbed Mr. Gladstone?"

"NO COMMENT!" All four lawyers yelled as they arrived at the waiting room door and ushered Amanda quickly through it.

Bobby shut the door and leaned against it while Lindsay sat across from Amanda. "Mandy, I need you to do something for me, okay? I need you to stay calm and try not to get upset while Mrs. Gladstone is testifying. If the jury sees you get upset and start to cry while she's up there, they're going to think that what she's saying is true."

"But it's not!" Amanda sobbed. "I didn't do that to him. He hurt me!"

"I know." Rebecca rubbed Amanda's back gently. "We'll get her on cross examination."

Bobby laid a hand on his wife's shoulder and he could feel the tension despite her calm appearance. He massaged gently and Lindsay looked up at him, smiling a little. Even though she was upset at the direction the questioning was taking, she was glad that Bobby was there. It was then that she noticed Helen standing against the door, watching. Lindsay stood up and walked over to her.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Lindsay asked.

"Bobby said it was an exciting trial. I thought I'd come by and see how you're doing."

Lindsay sighed. "You tell me."

Helen shrugged, thankful that she'd gotten out of this case. "The wife could do damage."

"I found out that three years ago they separated. He had an affair with the au pair. I'm thinking that can go to pattern, discredit the wife."

Helen nodded and lowered her voice. "You told Bobby." At Lindsay's quirked brow, Helen continued. "He came up to congratulate me."

"He's the only one I told."

"I know."

"You doing okay?"

"As okay as can be expected."

"Does Mike know?"

"Not yet. I'll tell him when he gets home."

Lindsay nodded and squeezed her friend's arm. "You know we're here if you ever need us."

Helen nodded. "It's almost time. Go talk to your client." Helen didn't want to get into details, she'd been feeling weepy the past few days. Lindsay walked back to Amanda and spoke quietly, explaining what she was going to use to cross the wife and once again stressing the importance of not getting emotional during the testimony of other witnesses. The bailiff knocked on the door and opened it.

"They're ready," he informed the lawyers.

"We'll be right out," Bobby told him. Rebecca led Amanda out the door and Helen followed. She wanted to keep an eye on Lindsay, knowing that the case was hard on her. Lindsay headed to the door, but Bobby stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"You okay?"

Lindsay nodded, but her eyes belied her fear and worry for her young client.

Bobby hated to make the suggestion, but he had to try. "Maybe you should let Rebecca take over. You could stay on as second chair, but the stress..."

"I'm fine Bobby." Lindsay reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I promise I'll let you know the second it becomes too much."

Bobby sighed, knowing that she likely wouldn't and made a mental note to talk to Rebecca about unofficially taking over more of the case.

Lindsay cross examined Mrs. Gladstone and got her to admit that her husband had had affairs before, and that he had had an affair with the au pair three years before. Mrs. Gladstone was the prosecution's last witness for the murder case. Mr. Gladstone's mother took the stand next since at the beginning of the trial Judge Hiller had agreed to hear both trials at once for the sake of time.

"Mrs. Gladstone, the deceased was your only child, correct?" Alan Lowe asked, his voice ripe with sympathy.

"Yes."

"And what is it you're asking the court to do?"

"That girl there," Marie Gladstone pointed at Amanda. "She's pregnant with my grandchild. That baby is the last piece of my son, it's my blood. I think my husband and I should be allowed to know that baby and raise it." Marie's eyes filled with tears. "She's defiling the memory of my son, claiming that he raped her."

"Objection!" Lindsay interrupted.

"Over ruled. You may continue, Mrs. Gladstone."

"That girl killed my son. She seduced him, then killed him."

"OBJECTION!" Lindsay and Rebecca were both on their feet.

"Sustained. The jury will disregard the last statements."

"The least she can do for taking our son from us is give us our grandchild."

"Thank you. The prosecution rests." Lowe sat down and shot the defense a smug look. 

Lindsay stood up slowly and buttoned her coat over her dress. "Mrs. Gladstone. You are aware of the charge that your son raped Amanda Byrd, correct?"

"It's ridiculous. My son would never do that."

"But you are aware of the charge."

"Yes."

"And if a woman is raped and a pregnancy results, do you think that it is right to force her to have the baby?"

"I think that the family has a right to have the baby."

"But a fourteen year old girl is violently raped. Have you considered the emotional distress that prolonging this pregnancy would put my client under?"

"It's a baby!"

"Have you considered the effect of that stress on the fetus?" Marie stared at Lindsay, she obviously hadn't. "Are you aware that legally Amanda Byrd is entitled to an abortion?"

"Aren't I entitled to know my grandchild? I have rights as a grandparent, I know it!" 

"Rights which don't take effect until after the fetus is born. You have how many other grandchildren?"

"Three."

"All from Mr. Gladstone's marriage to his wife."

"Yes."

"And do you think that having a fourth grandchild, whom you would be raising totally by yourself and is the product of a violent crime, is really that important?"

"Ms. Dole, you're pregnant, could you really choose which of your children has a right to live and which doesn't?"

All color rushed from Lindsay's face as she rested a hand instinctively on her stomach and spun to Judge Hiller. "Move to strike, nonresponsive."

"I think she did respond Ms. Dole. Continue."

Lindsay took a deep breath and continued. "I am not asking a 14-year-old girl who was raped to keep the product of that crime. Mrs. Gladstone, Amanda Byrd has rights under Roe versus Wade. And you do not."

Lindsay turned and took her seat. Judge Hiller cleared her throat. "Mr. Lowe, your next witness?"

"The prosecution rests Your Honor."

"Closing arguments tomorrow at 10. Court adjourned."

Rebecca explained what would happen the next day to Amanda and her parents while Lindsay spoke to Bobby and Helen. "Well?"

"The grandmother has no real case, the only reason Lowe's pushing is that he wants to get the conviction on murder 2." Helen said.

"What?"

Helen shrugged. "What can I say, he doesn't like you guys. I know he doesn't expect to get murder 1, he's hoping that the jury will give him murder 2. I have a good feeling though on murder 1."

"Helen, you do realize that you're helping us, don't you?"

"I feel bad for her. After what she's been through, I don't think she should be prosecuted at all, but the wife is pushing for it."

Bobby slid an arm around Lindsay's back. "I think you'll be fine on murder1 and 2. I don't think you have anything to worry about with the abortion. I'm surprised Judge Hiller hasn't kicked it."

Lindsay smiled. "Thanks. Look, I have to finish my closing, I'll talk to you later Helen."

"Good luck. I have an assault and battery tomorrow morning, but I'll see if I can make it for your closing." Helen smiled, said goodbye to Amanda and Rebecca, and headed back upstairs.

Back at the office, Bobby had pulled Rebecca into his office. "I think you should do the closing."

"Bobby, why? Lindsay's done all the cross, all the questioning. It would seem strange to the jury for me to suddenly stand up and give the closing."

"I think it would be fine. A fresh voice, a fresh view. It could be very effective."

Far from convinced, Rebecca leaned on Bobby's desk and crossed her arms. "Why don't you tell me what's really going on."

Bobby rolled his eyes. There were two people he couldn't keep a secret from. One was his wife. The other was the woman standing before him. "I'm worried about Lindsay. This case, it's hard on her. Especially now. I'd feel much better if she took it a little easier."

"Does she know you're asking me to do this?" 

Bobby looked at the ground then back at his friend. "I'm senior partner Rebecca. Do I need to check with her before making a decision about how a case will be tried?"

"If you were making this decision as senior partner, then no. But you're not, you're making it as Bobby Donnell, Lindsay's husband."

"Can you blame me for that Bec? Saturday night she stayed up until after two working on questions and the closing. She's worried sick about Amanda and the case. All this stress isn't good for her or the babies."

Rebecca sighed. Bobby looked so worried about Lindsay that she really couldn't turn him down. "Fine. But if she suspects something, I'm sending her in to talk to you."

"Be subtle about it and she won't."

Rebecca sighed, not completely happy with this, and left Bobby's office to try to talk to Lindsay. She found Lindsay in the conference room working on her laptop computer and shut the door behind her, fairly certain this would be a little loud.

"Hey Lindsay. How's it coming?"

Lindsay glanced up distractedly and sighed. "I think it's coming pretty well. I'm not overly worried about abortion, I know that she's entitled to have it and grandparents' rights don't take effect until birth. I'm not sure about the murder though. I'll be fine."

"Look, I was thinking...why don't I do the closing?"

Lindsay's head snapped around. "Why?"

"Well, I haven't done much with this case, and I can give the jury a fresh opinion." Rebecca tried, knowing the excuse sounded weak.

Lindsay raised a brow. "The jury's seen me for the entire trial, they trust me. If you think they need a new opinion, you're more than welcome to help me."

"I really think that I should do it."

"Again, why?" When Rebecca just stared at her, Lindsay began to put the pieces together. "Bobby put you up to this, didn't he?"

"Um...no."

Lindsay stood up and stormed out of the conference room. She slammed the door to her husband's office open, then closed. "Do you have something to say to me," she snapped, face flushed and eyes dancing with fury.

Bobby looked at her guiltily. "Hello?"

"Don't you hello me Robert Donnell! Did you tell Rebecca to do the closing?"

"I suggested that she might be able to offer the jury a fresh perspective-"

"Do you think I'm stupid? That is the dumbest most contrived excuse I've ever heard!"

"Lindsay, calm down," Bobby stood and walked over to her, reaching a hand out to comfort her.

Lindsay smacked his hand away. "Don't touch me. How could you go behind my back like that? Don't you have any respect for what I'm trying to do with this case? Do you think I've done something wrong, made some mistake with one of the witnesses?"

"No. No, God Linds, you've been great with all the witnesses."

"Then what is it?!"

"This! Can't you see how upset this case is making you?"

"I hate to tell you, but this, my anger right now, is all caused by you."

"Lindsay, my decision that Rebecca should close has nothing to do with how you've tried this case."

"Then what?"

"I decided this as your husband. I hate that you have bags under your eyes and you're tossing and turning at nights." Lindsay sighed, still aggravated, but touched by his concern. Bobby gently stroked her cheek. "Lindsay I saw your face today when the mother talked about you being pregnant. Christ, you were white as a ghost! It scared me, Linds."

Lindsay sat on the couch and looked up at her husband. "I'll be fine Bobby. It's almost over. If it's too much, I promise to let Bec take over. But for now, I need to work on my closing."

Bobby sat on the arm of the couch and stroked a hand lovingly over her hair. "I'm just worried about you."

Lindsay leaned her head gently against his leg. "I know. And I love you for it. But you have to think like a lawyer here, not like a worried husband and daddy. If you're going to try to be over protective until I give birth, I'll go insane."

"Okay, I give up. Be careful, Lindsay. I'm still having Rebecca keep an eye on you."

Knowing she wouldn't get better, Lindsay nodded and stood up. "I'll be in the conference room."

Lindsay didn't emerge until 7:30 that evening with her fifth draft of the closing saved on a disk. Bobby was still there, waiting for her. Ever since her attack five years before, he refused to let her stay at the office alone. She poked her head into his office and smiled.

"You ready?"

"Yep." Bobby stood and put the brief he'd been working on in his briefcase. "I was waiting for you."

"I know." Lindsay walked up to him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you."

"Closing going good?"

"I think so. Can I run it by you tonight?"

"Of course." Bobby was cut off by his cell phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Bobby, it's Ellenor. Is Helen with you?"

"No, Ellenor, she's not here."

"She said she'd be home by 5:45 and it's 7:30. We have an understanding that we call if we'll be late, for safety's sake. I've tried her office, her cell phone, and her pager. She hasn't answered any of them. Does Lindsay know where she is?"

"I'll ask." He placed a hand over the mouth piece. "Linds, have you seen Helen?"

"Not since this morning."

"Sorry Ellenor. Lindsay hasn't seen her."

"Well if you hear anything, could you give me a call? She's been acting weird the last few days and I'm worried."

"Yeah, I'll let you know." Bobby placed the receiver back with a worried look. Lindsay walked up to her husband and laid a hand on his chest. 

"Bobby, what's wrong?"

"Helen's missing."


	6. Change of Pace Chapter 6

"What? What do you mean Helen's missing?" Lindsay asked.

"Ellenor said she was supposed to be home almost two hours ago to watch Zoe. She's not answering her pager, cell phone, or office phone."

Lindsay closed her eyes, fearing the worst. "Oh my God. We have to find her Bobby."

Bobby gently cupped her elbow and led her to the couch. Lindsay was pale and suddenly looked very weak. She sat by reflex and Bobby sat next to her, holding her hands in his. "Lindsay, we don't know where she is and Boston is a big city."

"Fine. I'll go try to find her myself." Lindsay stood up quickly and Bobby stood also, then gently pressed on her shoulders until she was again seated. 

"I'll go with you, I want to make sure Helen's okay too. But I'm just warning you. Maybe she wanted some privacy. She's only been gone two hours, it's not really a reason to panic. And you need to try to calm down. It's not good for the babies for you to get excited."

"What if something horrible happened to her?"

Bobby grabbed both of their briefcases and helped Lindsay to her feet. They hurried out of the office to Bobby's car which was in the parking garage next door. 

"I want to start at her office," Lindsay said, her voice sounded confident except for the little shake at the end.

"Okay," Bobby started the car and laced his fingers through Lindsay's for the 10 minute drive to the court house. Because of the late hour, they were lucky and managed to find a parking spot close to the door.

Bobby and Lindsay hurried through the doors, only to be stopped by the metal detectors. Bobby emptied his pockets of his keys and change, then walked through without a problem. Lindsay threw her purse on the x-ray machine and walked through. Much to her annoyance, the metal detector beeped. 

The guard in charge rolled his eyes and sighed before saying, "Please empty your pockets and step through again."

Lindsay let out a frustrated sigh and rolled her eyes in annoyance. Couldn't he see they were in a hurry? She stepped back and looked at her dress which didn't have any pockets. She removed her wedding and engagement rings before stepping through again. And again, the detector beeped. The guard sighed once again. He really wanted to go home.

"Please spread your arms," the guard instructed as the waved the wand over the front of Lindsay's body. 

"Could you hurry up, please," Lindsay snapped. "We're in a hurry."

When the wand didn't beep, the guard stepped behind her and moved it over her back, starting at her head. When he reached her shoulder blades though, the metal detector beeped. Lindsay's eye grew wide as she blushed, immediately knowing what the problem was.

"Ma'am," the guard asked, clearly wanting an explanation.

"It's my bra," Lindsay whispered, embarrassed. As soon as he heard her, Bobby burst out laughing. "It's not funny," she growled and glared at him. One of the side effects of her pregnancy and having larger breasts than she normally would, were the larger bras. And this was not a side effect she was overly fond of at the moment. The guard nodded that she could go and Lindsay grabbed her purse and rings, hurrying toward the elevator. Bobby followed after her, catching up as the doors opened. They walked in and the doors closed. Lindsay reached up and pressed the button for the seventh floor where Helen's office was. While they traveled upwards, Bobby wrapped his arms around his wife's waist from behind and rested his hands on her stomach.

"She'll be okay Lindsay. I'm sure of it."

Leaning against him, Lindsay nodded. "I hope so."

They arrived at Helen's office and found the door unlocked. Lindsay walked in and found the light still on and Helen's files scattered over her usually organized desk. Her cell phone and pager lay on top of the files.

"She never goes anywhere without them," Lindsay whispered, pointing at the phone and pager. 

"Maybe she's in one of the courtrooms," Bobby suggested. 

"Or maybe someone took her. Someone who she sent to jail and got out. Like Rooney did with you, and she couldn't get them. Or he wouldn't let her." Lindsay's voice was reaching hysterical.

Before Bobby could respond a Hispanic cleaning woman appeared in the doorway. "Senorita Gamble no esta aqui." Miss Gamble isn't here.

Lindsay turned quickly. "Donde esta Senorita Gamble?" Where is Miss Gamble?

"Ella fue a la casa." She went home.

"A cuanto tiempo ella salio?" What time did she leave?

"A cinco horas este tarde." At 5:00 this afternoon.

Lindsay turned to Bobby, fear reflected in both of their eyes. "Gracias," she whispered and hurried into the hall with Bobby on her heels.

"Maybe she went out to dinner," he suggested weakly.

"Without her cell phone or her pager?"

"She could have forgotten them." Bobby paced back and forth a bit, clearly nervous. "Look, we'll call the police, see if we can find anything."

"Bobby I don't want to wait here not doing anything. Can we at least start driving towards her apartment, see if we can find anything?"

"Yeah. That's a good idea."

They took the elevator back down stairs and while Bobby began the drive towards Helen and Ellenor's apartment, Lindsay used her cell phone to call the police. She was lucky and got an officer whom she'd dealt with before.

"Jason, it's Lindsay. I need some information."

"I'll tell you what I can, Lindsay. What do you need?"

"I need to know if you've had any traffic accidents in the last hour and a half. One of my friends is missing. Helen Gamble."

"Can you give me a make on the car?"

"She drives a red 1999 Taurus."

"Um...there was a two car accident around 5:15 this evening on West 95th Street." Lindsay closed her eyes tightly. That was one of the roads Helen took home. "A red Taurus and a white Windstar. The driver of the Windstar was drunk and crossed over the line, running head on into the Taurus. He died." Lindsay gasped and felt tears clogging her throat. "The other driver didn't have any ID on her. Can you describe her? I haven't seen Helen in years."

"She's about 5'3" probably weighs about 100 pounds. Maybe a little less. She has long black hair and blue eyes."

Jason sighed. "The driver of the Taurus fit that description. We took her to St. Anne's after the accident."

Tears pooled in Lindsay's eyes and fell down her cheeks. "How...how was she?"

"It was touch and go."

"Thank you." Lindsay hung up the phone and Bobby knew without asking that the answer was bad.

"Where is she?"

"St. Anne's." Lindsay tried to swallow her tears. "She was in an accident. I told her that car was a bad idea. It crumples like tin foil. Oh God." Overcome with tears of fear, Lindsay buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Bobby took one of her hands in his and held on tightly as he turned the car around and floored it to St. Anne's. Fifteen minutes later, he stopped outside the emergency room of St. Anne's Hospital.

They both jumped out of the car and, still clutching each other's hands, raced inside to the admit desk.

"We're looking for the woman who was in the car accident." Bobby snapped out. Lindsay was to terrified to talk as she stood, shaking next to him.

The nurse looked up from her paperwork, a sympathetic look on her face. "Are you family?"

"Yes! How is she?"

"I'm sorry sir. That girl died half an hour ago in surgery."

"Nooooooo!" Lindsay let out a high pitched moan as tears fell more rapidly down her face and her breath started coming in gasping sobs. Bobby pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth as his tears fell on her hair, both mourning for their lost friend.


	7. Change of Pace Chapter 7

"Helen can't be dead, Bobby," Lindsay sobbed. "She can't. She's my best friend. She was going to have a baby. Please bring her back, Bobby. Bring her back."

Bobby stroked his wife's hair and held her tightly, fighting his own sorrow for a dear friend in order to comfort Lindsay. "I can't baby. I'm sorry. I wish I could bring her back, I wish I could." They stood that way for several minutes, both of them offering comfort and taking it from the other. Finally Lindsay pulled away and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Now what do we do?"

"I don't know," Bobby gently passed a thumb over her cheek to dry the tears. "We have to call Ellenor and the others. And her parents."

Lindsay nodded, "And Mike."

But before they could place the calls, the nurse laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and spoke softly. "I'm sorry dear, but the girl didn't have any identification on her. You'll have to come identify the body."

Lindsay nodded and sniffled. Bobby slipped an arm around Lindsay's waist, supporting her as they followed the nurse down the hall, tears still coursing down both of their cheeks on their way to do what every person fears.

They passed an exam room and the woman inside the room saw them and hurried out into the hall.

"Lindsay? Bobby? Oh God, what's wrong? Is everyone okay?"

At the sound of the familiar voice, Bobby and Lindsay spun around and Lindsay let out an excited shriek when she saw her. "HELEN!" She raced back down the hall and threw her arms around her friend's neck, clinging desperately as she sobbed again, this time from joy and relief. Bobby was right behind her and enveloped both in a bear hug. 

Helen's eyes were huge and surprised. "What happened? Is Ellenor okay? Is Zoe?"

"They're fine," Bobby quickly reassured his friend through the happy tears which were falling down his face.

"Then what are you doing here? Are you okay Lindsay? You didn't have a problem with the babies, did you?"

Lindsay shook her head and sobbed out, "We thought you were dead!"

"What? Oh Lindsay, why on Earth would you think that?" Helen hugged Lindsay tightly to reassure her that she was okay. 

"The nurse said you died," Lindsay continued to cry almost hysterically. Helen was alive! It didn't really matter how, but her best friend was okay! Lindsay was overjoyed, she hadn't been so happy in ages. Or maybe it was a different kind of happiness, the kind that came from almost losing something dear to you then unexpectedly getting back, a joy filled relief.

"Oh babe, no. No, I'm not dead Lindsay, I'm fine. See? I'm right here." Helen rocked back and forth a little in an attempt to calm Lindsay.

The nurse, who was bright red with embarrassment, walked back to them and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. There was a misunderstanding."

Bobby spun around and glared at her. "Obviously! I want an explanation and I want one now! You said that Helen was dead. Thankfully she's fine, but my wife is three and a half months pregnant with twins. She did not need this stress that your incompetence caused her!"

"I'm so sorry sir. You asked about the girl in the accident, who did die. Ms. Gamble wasn't in the accident."

"Wait, wait," Helen paused in the middle of trying to comfort Lindsay. "Why did you think I was in an accident?"

"Why don't we go sit down," Bobby suggested.

Helen nodded and steered Lindsay into her room, followed by Bobby and the nurse. Helen sat on the bed and Lindsay sat next to her. Bobby sat in the chair next to Helen and looked at her.

"Ellenor called us," he explained. "She said you were supposed to be home two hours ago to watch Zoe and you were answering neither your phones or your pager."

"Oh God," Helen groaned, feeling guilty. "I completely forgot about babysitting."

"Well she called to see if we knew where you were and we went to your office, then Lindsay called a friend at the police department. He said that there was a woman matching your description who drove a Taurus and was in an accident. So we came here and the nurse," Bobby shot her an evil look. "The nurse told us you died."

"Again sir, I'm so sorry," the nurse apologized. "You asked about the girl in the accident."

"It's okay," Helen soothed them both. "It was just a case of mistaken identity."

"Helen," Lindsay sniffed. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

Helen sighed and stroked a hand over her stomach. "I was getting ready to go home and I went to the bathroom. When I was there, I realized that I had started bleeding. I panicked and I drove straight over here. I must have forgotten my phone and pager."

"Are you okay?" Lindsay asked, again scared for her friend.

"The doctor said that both the baby and I are fine, but he wants me to be on bed rest until I'm out of the first trimester. So two weeks. And if the bleeding doesn't stop or gets worse, I'm supposed to come back. I was just about to leave when I saw you." 

"But you're both okay," Bobby asked again.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you call us," Bobby asked. "We would have come."

"I didn't think of it," Helen spoke softly. "I was so scared, all I could think is how I had to get here."

"Thank God it's nothing serious."

Helen nodded. "I'm just not sure how I'm going to explain this to Ellenor. I want to tell Mike before I tell anyone else."

"Tell her that you're sick. When that doesn't work anymore, tell her that you're going into work late and leaving early and doing research at home. We'll come check on you during the day," Bobby promised and Lindsay nodded her agreement.

"You're really okay?" Lindsay asked, almost afraid to believe it.

"I'm okay," Helen confirmed, squeezing Lindsay's hand tightly. Lindsay nodded and Bobby stood up.

"Let's get both of you home. You need rest Helen and so do you Lindsay."

Both Helen and Lindsay nodded and Bobby helped them off the bed, hugging Helen. "I'm glad you're okay," he whispered in her ear. "You scared us half to death."

"I'm sorry," Helen whispered back.

"Just don't do it again," Bobby whispered. Helen laughed softly and nodded.

Bobby drove back to Helen and Ellenor's apartment with Lindsay riding in the back seat next to Helen, who she seemed afraid to let out of her sight. Bobby promised to get Helen's car the next day and pointed out that it would be safer if he drove. They all trooped into the apartment building and took the elevator to the apartment. Bobby knocked on the door and Ellenor threw it open and saw Helen. Relief washed over her face as she hugged her roommate tightly.

"You scared me! Where have you been?"

Helen sighed and when Ellenor released her, she turned back to Bobby and Lindsay. She hugged them both and promised that she'd see Lindsay the next day. Bobby and Lindsay went home, both exhausted from the events of the day while Helen dealt with her roommate.

"What happened," Ellenor asked again, a little aggravated.

Helen thought fast. "I passed out at work. Too much stress, I guess. But Kate saw it and made me go to the hospital. You know how I've been so tired?" Ellenor nodded so Helen continued. "The doctors there said I have mono. I need to stay here, in bed, for two weeks."

Ellenor shot her friend a skeptical look. "Mike's been gone for a month. Who have you been kissing?"

Helen threw a pillow at Ellenor and narrowed her eyes. "No one. I probably got it from the drinking fountain at work or something."

"Are you still contagious? You haven't been around Zoe, have you?"

"I don't think so. If I am, it's only for like three more days."

Ellenor rubbed Helen's arm gently. "I'm going to go to a hotel, to make sure Zoe's safe, okay?"

Helen nodded. She felt bad lying to Ellenor, especially making her worry for Zoe when there was no danger of the little girl getting sick. But it would be easier if both Ellenor and Zoe were out of the house, it would save Helen from answering questions she wasn't ready for yet.

"I'll be fine. And I'll pay you back for the hotel room."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know, but I want to. It's my fault that you have to leave your home, stay in a hotel."

Ellenor nodded and decided that she'd do something to pay Helen back. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

Helen nodded. "I'm wiped. I'm going to head to bed."

"Okay. I'll check on you before we leave."

Helen nodded tiredly and walked into her room. She changed into a pair of women's boxer shorts and a Boston Police Academy t-shirt of Mike's before crawling into bed. When Ellenor poked her head into Helen's room before she went to the hotel, she found her roommate sound asleep with tears drying on her face and her hands clasped tightly over her stomach. Ellenor raised an eyebrow. She'd slept like that, her hand over her stomach, when she'd been pregnant with Zoe. She felt bad leaving Helen when she was sick, but Ellenor didn't want Zoe to get mono either. The tears did it though. When she saw them, Ellenor called Bobby and Lindsay and asked if they could watch Zoe for four days. They agreed and Ellenor crept back into Helen's room, sitting carefully on the bed.

"Helen," she whispered, nudging Helen's knee gently. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"What?" Helen asked sleepily.

"I'm going to drop Zoe off with Bobby and Lindsay, then I'll come back. I had mono in high school so I won't get it again."

"Okay," Helen murmured. Sleep was pulling at her and she knew that sleep was good for the baby. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Ellenor whispered back. Helen was asleep again before Ellenor reached the door. Ellenor turned around in the doorway and watched Helen sleep, wondering what secret her roommate was hiding. 


	8. Change of Pace Chapter 8

Helen woke up the next morning to the sun shining in her window. She rolled over groggily and glanced at the clock. 9:48. Nearly four hours later than she usually slept. The memory of the night before had Helen sliding carefully over the side of the bed and walking to the bathroom. She was relieved that the bleeding hadn't gotten any worse and if anything it seemed to have lessened a little. She drew a warm bath and slid in, trying to relax as much as possible.

When the water had chilled, Helen stood up and climbed carefully out of the tub. She rubbed the towel over her body then let it fall to the ground. Helen stood in front of the mirror and surveyed her body. She turned to the side then and ran a hand over her stomach. She knew that it was unlikely for her to start showing at only 10 weeks. But she also knew that the thinner a pregnant woman was, the sooner she would show. If she concentrated very hard, Helen thought that she could almost feel her stomach starting to expand. Thinking of the day that her pregnancy would become obvious made a smile spread over her face. And after she started showing, she'd be able to feel the baby move. Her dreaming was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

"Helen?" Ellenor called worriedly, "Are you okay?"

Helen jumped and wrapped the discarded towel around her body. "Yeah. I...uh...forgot my robe."

"I'll get it for you and leave it outside the bathroom door. Do you want anything for breakfast?"

Helen was about to decline, but remembered that the baby needed food. She asked for peanut butter toast and when Ellenor left her robe, Helen bundled into it. Ellenor returned ten minutes later carrying a tray with the toast and glasses of orange juice and milk to find Helen encased in her blankets wearing one of Mike's old dress shirts and a pair of women's boxer shorts.

"How are you feeling?" Ellenor asked, concerned. 

Helen smiled weakly. "A little tired."

Ellenor nodded in sympathy. "I told Bobby that I was taking the morning off. He said that someone from the office could come by after lunch if you want."

Helen shook her head. "I'll be okay. I'll probably sleep this afternoon." She took a bite of toast and a drink of milk. "Ellenor?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for staying with me today."

Ellenor smiled. "No problem. It's the least I could do. You stayed with me when I was having problems carrying Zoe."

Helen laughed. "That reminds me, we should avoid Scrabble."

"I agree. Stick with cards?"

Helen nodded and attacked her breakfast.

While Helen rested and concentrated on getting better, Lindsay stood in the courtroom listening to Alan Lowe give his closing arguments. 

"This is a no brainer ladies and gentlemen," Lowe addressed the jurors. "That girl sitting over there killed Jeff Gladstone. She claims that it was in self defense, that he raped her. But we have a problem there. She waited fifteen minutes after the alleged rape to commit this crime. That means that it was premeditated. She thought to find a knife in a strange house, to take it into the living room, where Mr. Gladstone was sleeping, and stabbed him four times in the heart with it. Her finger prints were found on the knife, her hair on the victim. She killed a man in cold blood. And for that, Amanda Byrd had to pay."

Lowe sat down and the attorney for the grandparents stood up. He tried to sway the jurors' emotions, pleading that his clients had lost a son and that they shouldn't lose a grandchild also. He sat back down and Lindsay stood up, buttoning her suit coat as she walked slowly to the front of the room.

"Yes, there was a crime committed here. And it was a heinous one. But the victim is not Jeff Gladstone. The victim is Amanda Byrd, a 14-year-old girl who was babysitting when the father, Jeff Gladstone came home unexpectedly from a business trip. Mr. Gladstone then raped Amanda. Amanda, who doctors explained suffered from post-traumatic-stress disorder as a result of the rape, was scared. She knew that Mr. Gladstone would over power her so she waited until he was asleep. She stabbed him to protect herself from being raped again. Amanda shouldn't be prosecuted, she should be helped. 

"As a result of that rape, Amanda became pregnant. All she wants to do is to try to start healing and to try to put this behind her. But Mr. Gladstone's parents are trying to take away her right, under Roe versus Wade, to have an abortion. They are claiming that as grandparents, they have rights. But those rights, which are yet to be fully recognized by the courts, do not go into effect until the fetus is born. 

"Amanda Byrd has rights too. She had the right not to be raped. And that right was taken away from her. She had the right to defend herself, which she used when she protected herself against Mr. Gladstone. And she has the right to have an abortion. 

"Mr. Lowe was right about one thing. This is a no brainer. Amanda Byrd is a bright, talented girl who under usual circumstances would not have hurt anybody. But these aren't usual circumstances, are they? The real victim here isn't Mr. Gladstone, ladies and gentlemen. The real victim is Amanda Byrd."

Lindsay walked back to her table and watched the jury file out. Judge Hiller adjourned until the jury had a verdict and Bobby joined Lindsay and Rebecca in ushering Amanda back to the waiting room. Amanda looked at her lawyers through wide frightened eyes. "What do you think?"

Lindsay sat down next to her. "They should have a verdict fairly quickly, I'd say under four hours."

"But what will they say?"

"Don't worry about the abortion, you'll be able to get it."

Amanda nodded. "What about the other one?"

Lindsay shook her head. "I don't know. They saw you, they heard what happened. I can't imagine them convicting."

Rebecca and Bobby nodded their agreement. While Rebecca tried to keep Amanda fairly calm, Bobby gently pulled Lindsay into a corner of the room.

"You did really well," Bobby whispered as he squeezed Lindsay's hand. 

Lindsay smiled softly. "Thank you. What do you think?"

"If they convict, you'll have no problem with the appeal. But they shouldn't."

"I'm worried," Lindsay whispered. "She's so young."

"I'm more worried about you," Bobby whispered back. "Amanda will get help, she'll get through this. I promise."

Lindsay nodded and resigned herself to the task of waiting. At noon, an hour later, Lucy came by with sandwiches and chips for the lawyers and Amanda. After another hour of waiting, Ellenor stopped by to make sure that Zoe had been okay that morning and to tell Lindsay that Helen had been sleeping when she left. Lindsay nodded and promised to call after the verdict. After three hours of waiting, Amanda left for home with her parents and Lindsay, Bobby, and Rebecca went back to the office to wait.

The tension in the office was palpable. Lindsay was too nervous to sit still. Instead, she paced from Bobby's office to the conference room to the library to her desk and back to Bobby's office. Rebecca was sitting at her desk, staring straight ahead, unable to focus on her next case. Lucy finally couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Did anyone see that cute guy on _Crossing Jordan_ last night?"

"Lucy," Lindsay snapped from the library. 

"Not now," Rebecca added.

"Jeez, I was just trying to lighten the mood." Lucy held up her hands in surrender. She was saved from further attack when the phone rang. "Donnell, Dole, etc. Okay, thank you."

Lucy looked from Rebecca to Lindsay. "Verdict."

Rebecca jumped up from her desk while Lindsay stuck her head into Bobby's office. 

"Call Amanda," Rebecca snapped at Lucy who nodded, already on the phone.

Twenty minutes later, Lindsay and Rebecca were pacing outside the courtroom while Bobby leaned against the wall, watching for Amanda and her parents. They hurried up and Mrs. Byrd looked at Lindsay.

"Ms. Dole, you've been up front and honest with us since the beginning." Lindsay nodded and Amanda's mother continued. "What are our chances? It's only been three and a half hours."

"It's a good thing," Lindsay reassured the worried woman. "I hope," she added silently. She smiled reassuringly at Amanda and they all entered the courtroom. 

Judge Hiller entered and after everyone sat back down she read the jury's verdict. Lindsay searched the judge's face for any sign of the outcome, but as usual Hiller's face belied nothing. 

Judge Hiller glanced over at the defense and asked them to rise. When they had, Amanda clinging tightly to both Lindsay and Rebecca's hands, Judge Hiller turned back to the jury. "Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have your honor," the foreman responded. "In the matter of the Commonwealth versus Amanda Byrd on the charge of murder in the first degree, we the jury find the defendant..." 

Amanda closed her eyes tightly as she prayed desperately. 

"Not guilty." 

Amanda let out the breath she'd been holding in one very audible whoosh. 

"On the charge of murder in the second degree, we find the defendant not guilty."

Amanda smiled in relief. She was acquitted of both murder charges.

"In the matter of Gladstone versus Byrd, we the jury find in favor of the defendant, Amanda Byrd."

Tears rolled down the faces of Amanda, her parents, and her lawyers. Amanda hugged Lindsay tightly, then turned and hugged Rebecca before hugging both of her parents. As Bobby joined the group in the front of the courtroom, Amanda turned to them and smiled. "I don't know how to thank you."

Lindsay smiled and squeezed the young girl's hand. "Be happy."

Amanda nodded. "I will. I promise."

Amanda left with her parents and Bobby hugged his wife tightly as Judge Hiller smiled down at them from her seat on the bench.

Bobby smiled down at Lindsay. "Your closing was what did it, Linds."

Lindsay smiled modestly and Rebecca nodded. "Do you think she'll be okay?"

"In time," Bobby answered. "Let's get back to the office."

Rebecca began to gather their briefcases while Lindsay dragged Bobby a few feet away. "If you don't mind, I'd like to go check on Helen."

Bobby nodded, knowing that Lindsay was tired but was too proud to admit it. "It's been a long few weeks for you, a break would be good."

Lindsay smiled. "I'll catch a cab over there then."

"Your purse is at the office," Bobby pointed out.

"Then I'll stop by there first."

"Okay," Bobby agreed and he took Lindsay's briefcase from Rebecca with one hand and slipped the other arm around his wife's waist, leading her toward the door while Rebecca followed.

Once back at the office, Lindsay was packing up for the day and everyone else was working on cases except for Bobby who had left on a mysterious errand. The door to the office opened and Robby and Zoe ran in. 

Zoe ran straight to Ellenor's desk with an excited, "Mommy!"

Robby launched himself into Lindsay's arms. "Mama! We comed to visit you!" 

"I see that," Lindsay laughed. She looked towards the doorway and saw her husband standing there, smiling.

"I thought that Ellenor would like to see Zoe today," Bobby explained. "And I couldn't bring her and not Robby."

Lindsay stood, shifted Robby to her hip, and walked over to Bobby. She raised up on her toes and gently kissed his lips. "Thank you."

Zoe let out a shriek of, "Wucy!" She climbed out of Ellenor's lap and ran over to Lucy who was her hero. 

Lucy laughed and picked the little girl up. "Hey sweetie. How are you?"

"Good. I stay wif Bobby and Windsay and Wobby."

Robby squirmed out of Lindsay's arms and ran over to tug on Lucy's leg. "Zoe having sleep over!"

Lucy picked Robby up in her other arm and grinned. She loved the kids. "Really? How come?"

"Hewen's sick," Zoe explained.

"Oh, that's too bad," Lucy sympathized. 

Lindsay glanced at the time and grabbed her purse. "I'm going to run. I'll see you tonight, okay Robby?"

Robby ran back to his mother and help his arms up to be held. Knowing that she wasn't supposed to carry him, Lindsay squatted down to his height. Robby wrapped his arms around Lindsay's neck. "You going?"

"Yeah, Robby. Mommy's going to go check on Aunt Helen. Remember she's sick?"

Robby nodded. "You be at dinner?"

Lindsay pulled back to look her son in the eye. "I don't think so, baby. Mommy's going to eat with Aunt Helen and you and Daddy and Zoe and Aunt Ellenor are going to McDonald's. Okay?"

Robby nodded. "I have a Happy Meal!"

"Yep. Daddy will get you a Happy Meal and if you're good, maybe you can play in the Play Place."

Robby grinned and ran off to find the toys that were kept in the office for when the kids visited. Lindsay kissed Bobby good bye and headed for Helen's. 

When she arrived, Lindsay knocked on the door, but no one answered. Concerned, she let herself in with the key that she'd kept in case of emergencies and laid her purse on the couch. She headed to Helen's bedroom and opened the door. Helen was sound asleep on the bed, curled around Mike's pillow. Lindsay sat gently on the edge of the bed and shook Helen's shoulder.

The room rolled dangerously as Helen felt herself be shaken out of her sleep. She opened her eyes warily and smiled when she saw her friend. "Hey," Helen murmured as she sat up.

"Hey yourself," Lindsay answered. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. It's about time for morning sickness."

Lindsay made a face and moved so she was sitting next to her friend, leaning against the headboard. "The bleeding?"

"It's less," Helen reassured her friend. "Did you finish today with the Byrd case?"

Lindsay grinned. "Not guilty on both counts."

"And the abortion?"

"They found for Amanda. I knew they would. There was no real way to stop her."

Helen nodded. They sat in silence for awhile before Lindsay found a pack of cards and they began to play Uno. They'd spent many hours in college and law school playing the card game when studying had made them a little nuts. Ellenor arrived back at the apartment around eight, after Lindsay had made a dinner for them of chicken noodle soup, grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches, apple slices, and milk. When Lindsay was certain that Ellenor was keeping an eye on Helen, she left and went back to her own home where she found Bobby reading a bedtime story to Zoe and Robby. She helped Bobby put them to bed before she sat on the couch, happy for a chance to relax.

Across town, Helen had fallen asleep again when Ellenor knocked on the door, waking her. "Mike's on the phone, Helen. Do you want to take it?"

Helen nodded and grabbed her extension. "Hello?"

"Hi sweetheart," Mike smiled just hearing her voice. He missed her so much while he was here but they both knew that he had to be with his grandfather. And he had a surprise in store for her when he got home. But right now, he was wondering why the woman he loved was asleep at 9 o'clock. When he asked though, Helen told him that she'd taken a sick day, that she had the flu. Mike decided not to ask how she'd gotten the flu in May. Instead he told her that he missed her and he loved her and that he'd be home in two weeks. 

Helen smiled as his voice washed over her, soothing her. Mike had always been protective of her and she'd liked him for years before he'd asked her out. Just hearing him talk made her feel safe, like nothing could ever go wrong. Suddenly, Helen couldn't wait to tell Mike about their child. But she only had two weeks to wait until he would know too.

"I love you," Helen said softly. 

"I love you too," Mike answered before hanging up to go to bed.

Helen fell back asleep and dreamt of she and Mike together in bed with a tiny baby between them.


	9. Change of Pace Chapter 9

Over the next three days, Helen started to feel better. The bleeding stopped and Zoe came home. One week after her trip to the hospital, Lindsay drove Helen to the doctors office. The doctor found nothing wrong and moved her from strict bed rest to relaxed, meaning that Helen could move around the apartment a little, but still had to take it easy for another week. Helen was thrilled. 

A week later, officially off of bed rest, Helen woke up and took her shower. As she dried off, Helen smiled to feel that her stomach was beginning to bulge a little. When she turned sideways in the mirror, Helen noticed a slight S curve to her body. She doubted that anyone else would notice, but she was excited. Grinning, she hurried into her room to get dressed. She'd been living in boxer shorts and sweat pants for the last two weeks and couldn't wait to put on real clothes. Helen pulled on underwear, thrilled to notice that her bras also seemed to be getting a little small, then grabbed a pair of jeans from the closet. Helen was surprised that she had to jump up and down and pull to get them over her hips. Once on, however, the jeans would zip but stubbornly refused to button. Slightly panicked, since she had chosen her loosed pair of jeans, Helen grabbed the phone and called one person she thought could help.

The phone woke Lindsay out of a very sound sleep. She grabbed it, hit the talk button and mumbled hello. 

"Lindsay?" Helen asked. "What are you doing in bed?"

"What are you doing calling me in the middle of the night?" Lindsay retorted.

"Linds, it's 9:30 in the morning."

"No it's not," Lindsay argued. "It's..." Lindsay rolled over and looked at the clock, surprised. It was 9:30. Then she saw the note on Bobby's pillow. He'd gotten up with Robby, then taken their son to church. They wouldn't be back until around 11:00. "It's 9:30."

In spite of her situation, Helen laughed. "I told you. Now you have to help me!"

Wider awake, Lindsay sat up and pushed her hair back from her face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't have anything to wear!" Helen wailed. 

Lindsay laughed. "You have an entire closet of clothes."

"Yes, but my jeans don't fit anymore!"

Lindsay laid back against her pillows. "You woke me up because your jeans don't fit anymore?"

"And Mike's coming home tonight! We need to go shopping, it's an emergency. I don't even have anything to wear over there."

Lindsay sighed. A best friend's work was never done. "Give me 45 minutes."

Helen grinned into the phone. "Thank you!"

"You owe me," Lindsay grumbled as she climbed out of bed, thankful that morning sickness had finally passed. She hung up the phone and true to her word, Lindsay was ringing Helen and Ellenor's doorbell 40 minutes later.

Helen ushered her into the house and back to her room. Lindsay, used to this trick, pulled out a rubber band. She hooked one end to the button hole and looped the other around the button so the jeans were at least held up. Lindsay grinned at her friend as she stood up. "Welcome to motherhood."

Helen smiled back, relieved that her problem had at least a temporary solution. "Ready to hit the mall?" 

Lindsay nodded and as they left the apartment she looked around. "Where's Ellenor?"

"She and Zoe met Matt for breakfast." Helen wiggled her eyebrows up and down. "And I know for a fact that she didn't get in this morning until 6:30."

"Really?" Lindsay's right brow arched in surprise. "What did she do with Zoe?"

"We've worked out a system where she puts the rugrat to bed, then I listen for her."

"What if you're at Mike's?" Lindsay asked as she slid into the driver's side of her car. 

"Then Matt stays over at our place. Or Mike stays here because our place is closer to the station and it's nicer than his."

Lindsay nodded. Once at the mall, Helen turned to look at her friend, suddenly out of her depth shopping wise. "Where do you buy maternity clothes?"

Lindsay sighed. "First, you're only three months, you don't need maternity clothes yet."

"But my other clothes don't fit," Helen whined.

"Then do what I did and buy stuff that's a size or two bigger for the next month or so. Then you can wear them after the baby too."

Helen nodded and walked automatically into Gap. Once there, she let Lindsay take charge and finally went into the dressing room with an arm load of clothes. The first outfit was a pair of white and blue striped capri pants and a matching blue shirt that Lindsay shook her head in response to. It was, she explained, too summer barbequeish. Helen proceeded to try on a denim skirt black t-shirt (not sexy enough), a pair of black bar pants and a children's hot pink tank top (too sexy), and several other outfits which just weren't right. Finally, when both women were exhausted, Helen came out wearing a pair of dark jeans and a dark red halter top which clung in all the right places. Lindsay approved, and they quickly left. 

As Lindsay drove back towards Helen's apartment, she glanced at her friend who was again tapping her fingers to some imaginary beat in her head. "Are you going to tell him tonight?" Lindsay asked, grabbing Helen's hand to stop the tapping. 

Helen's head bobbed up and down. "He'll be happy." Lindsay nodded in agreement, not sure if Helen was asking for reassurance or trying to convince herself.

"How are you going to break the news?"

Helen smiled secretively. "I'll tell you after I do it."

"That's not fair!" Lindsay exclaimed. 

Helen shrugged. "Too bad."

"You wake me up, I save your ass with the rubber band trick, take you shopping, and you won't even tell me the good stuff," Lindsay grumbled.

"I promise, I'll tell you later. Okay?"

Lindsay sighed but nodded. She dropped Helen off at the apartment before heading home to help Bobby make dinner for his father who was coming over for his usual Sunday visit. Helen let herself into the apartment and was surprised that Ellenor and Zoe were back. Lately, Ellenor had spent nearly all of her free time with Matt. Zoe had even started referring to him as "Uncle Matt." But Helen walked in the door and saw Ellenor and Zoe sitting at the kitchen table, coloring. 

Zoe jumped up when she saw Helen and raced to her. "Hewen! Are you all better now?"

Helen nodded. "Yep."

"I cowoed a pictcho for you!"

"You colored a picture for me? Thank you!" Helen grinned. Her office was decorated now with pictures that Zoe and Robby had colored. While Zoe chattered about everything they'd done with Matt that day, Helen laid her bag on the counter and walked to the fridge to grab a sandwich and some milk. In her panic that morning, she'd forgotten to eat breakfast. 

Ellenor meanwhile had gotten up from the table and was opening the Gap bag on the counter. "What'd you get?" 

"Oh, a pair of jeans and a top."

Ellenor pulled the clothing out of the bag and in looking at them caught a glimpse of the tag and therefore the size. "Are these for your sister?"

Helen gave Ellenor a weird look. "No, why?"

"Because a size six would be huge on you."

"Oh." Helen thought quickly of an excuse and cursed the fact that while she could think on her feet in the courtroom, any excuses she came up with in real life sounded contrived. "I got the jeans for Lindsay."

Ellenor looked at Helen and decided that her roommate was likely going senile. "Lindsay's pregnant. She won't be able to wear these until like January."

"I know," Helen spoke slowly. "But...they were the last ones in her size and before she got pregnant, she was looking for them."

Ellenor nodded. Something was definitely up with Helen. For one, five years of living with her had taught Ellenor that Helen was a terrible liar. And something still wasn't adding up with the whole sickness thing. Ellenor decided right then that she would figure out what was wrong with Helen, and soon.

Helen hurried back to her room and quickly put her new clothes away. Leave it to Ellenor to notice something as small as the size of her jeans. The sixes were a little large, but Lindsay had promised that in a month they wouldn't fit. Helen didn't like lying to her friends but she was determined that Mike would be the next person to know about their baby. Ellenor was starting to worry her though. She kept looking at Helen like she knew something. Helen shook her head. Ellenor couldn't know about the baby. But in a few hours it wouldn't matter because Mike would know and they could start planning their future together.

Helen spent the rest of the day pampering herself and getting ready to meet Mike. She was going to take a cab to the airport because Mike's car was in long term parking. Then they were going out for a quiet, intimate dinner before returning to Mike's apartment. After six weeks apart, both craved private time with each other. Helen was going to tell Mike about the baby once they were alone. And she was very proud of herself for figuring out how she was going to do that. Even though she had had little else to think of for two weeks while on bed rest it was a good idea and she hoped Mike would like it.

In preparation, Helen took a long bubble bath with Mike's favorite scent, Warm Vanilla, before washing her shoulder length hair and curling it. She'd learned at Halloween that Mike liked her hair curly when she'd styled it that way for her Nancy Kerrigan costume. Helen's favorite part of the costume were the ice skates she'd borrowed from Lucy. A fellow DA, Brian McIntyre, had drank a bit much and grabbed her butt. Before Mike could use the nungchucks from his ninja costume on the guy, Helen had informed Brian that any more "slips" would mean getting a toe pick to the eye. Brian hadn't looked at her since.

After curling her hair, Helen gave herself a pedicure with dark red polish, then painted her finger nails the same color. Zoe had come in and, since she was running a little ahead of schedule, Helen had painted the little girl's nails also. Zoe had run out of the room yelling to her mommy that "Hewen painted my nails and I'm bootiful!" 

By 6:30, an hour and a half before Mike's plane was due to land, Helen was sliding her feet into her favorite black high heeled boots. She grabbed her prop for her big announcement and sailed out the door.

Mike shifted from one foot to the other anxiously as he waited to exit the plane. It was only a two hour flight, but he'd been waiting six long weeks to see Helen again and right then every minute counted. Mike grinned as he felt the pocket of his sport coat and he surprise for Helen inside. He'd wait to give it to her once they reached his apartment. The woman in front of Mike held a six month old baby over her shoulder. Mike smiled at the baby while at the same time trying to use telepathy to make them move faster. They finally broke free of the terminal and Mike's eyes immediately found Helen and he stopped dead. Standing there, under the harsh lights of the airport, she took his breath away. Finally she saw him and even from a distance, he could see her eyes light up like fireflies and the smile she gave him was enough to spur him into movement towards her.

Helen felt her heart start to flutter and her palms begin to sweat as Mike started to come towards her. Without thinking, she ran and jumped into his arms, throwing hers around his neck as she pressed her lips to his. Mike dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly to him. People brushed past them and sometimes into them, but Helen and Mike stayed locked in each other's arms. They didn't break apart until a security guard tapped them on the shoulders and reminded them to move along, that they were in public. 

Mike looked into Helen's bright blue eyes and knew he was home. "I missed you," he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"I missed you more," Helen argued softly.

Mike kissed the tip of her nose and started to lead her towards the baggage claim. "I'm starving." 

Helen grinned teasingly and drawled, "Me too."

Mike laughed. They ate dinner at Olive Garden before hurrying back to Mike's apartment. Helen and Mike barely made it in the door and on to the couch before all but attacking each other. Finally they both came up for air and Helen smiled eagerly at Mike.

"I have a present for you."

"Really? I love it!" Mike growled as he pulled her back to him. 

"No Mike," Helen laughed. "A real present." She grabbed her purse from where it had landed on the floor and pulled out a blue envelope.

Mike shot her a puzzled look, but opened the card. A black and white picture fell out. He looked at it, seeing only blobs, then at the card. The front showed a man walking hand in hand with a little boy. Both had baseball bats and gloves over their shoulders. Mike opened the card and read aloud the eight words Helen had written. "Happy belated Father's Day, Michael. Love, Helen & Baby." 

Helen sat nervously, her hands clenched in her lap. Maybe this was the wrong way to tell him. Maybe she should have broken it to him gently. She raised her eyes and found Mike staring at her with a look of shock and awe on his face.

"You're...we're..." Mike trailed off, unable to finish. Helen nodded and a smile spread slowly across his face.

Helen breathed a sigh of relief as Mike pulled her into a tight hug, then kissed her hard on the lips. Mike pulled back. A baby! He could hardly believe it. He couldn't stop grinning. Already he was picturing a little girl with Helen's blue eyes and his patience. He kissed Helen again before taking her hands in his. "I feel bad now, I didn't get you anything," he teased gently. 

Helen laughed. "Yes you did. A baby."

Mike's grin grew as he realized that he did have something for her. He glanced around for his sport coat and not finding it, he decided to go ahead anyway. With his hands still holding hers, Mike smiled into Helen's eyes. He'd practiced for two months, since before he'd left for Chicago, but now the words didn't seem like enough. He'd had an entire speech planned but all he could say was, "Helen, will you marry me?"


	10. Change of Pace Chapter 9b

Helen stared at Mike, shocked. She had played this scenario through her head hundreds of times, telling him about the baby. But never once had she imagined that he would propose! Helen started to grin happily, but then stopped. Nowhere in Mike's proposal had he said that he loved her...had he proposed just for the baby? Helen stopped. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Mike. 

"No. I...I can't." Before he could say anything, Helen jumped up, grabbed her coat from the floor and all but ran out the front door. 

Mike stared after her in shock. As she was about to slam the door, he managed one word. "Helen!" The door shut and Mike felt empty...more empty than he'd ever felt. What had happened? All the times she'd said she loved him, were they all a lie? Was she angry about the baby and that's why she'd refused? Mike stood sadly and found his sport coat on the floor. He picked it up and pulled the box out of its pocket. He opened it and stared at the ring...a sapphire to match her eyes and because Helen wasn't that traditional. Mike slowly closed the box and sat back down on the couch, hurt and confused, and cried because he'd lost the woman that he loved more than anything and the child he'd just found out about.

Helen tried desperately to hail a cab and finally succeeded. She gave him her address and stared out the window until the cab came to a halt. Helen paid the driver and was about to walk up to her apartment when she remembered that Ellenor and Matt were in there. Not that she didn't like them, but she didn't feel like company right then. Instead, she dug out her car keys and climbed in her car. She didn't know where she was going, just somewhere she could think. After three hours of driving, Helen ended up at the library at Harvard. She climbed the familiar stairs and remembered before, when all she had worried about was getting a good grade on her exam and passing the bar. Now, somehow, things were infinitely more complicated. She walked to the top floor of the library and curled in her favorite window seat. She and Lindsay had gone there when they had a big problem or needed privacy. She'd come there when her grandmother died, and Lindsay had sat holding her hand and letting her cry. 

Helen rested a hand on her stomach. She had the opposite problem now. She was having a baby, and the baby's father had just proposed. She loved Mike, she didn't question that. But there was a tiny part of her that kept asking 'what if he proposed because of the baby, not because he loves you?' Thinking about it, Helen had no proof that he *hadn't* proposed for that reason. She thought that Mike loved her, he said he did. But she knew that Mike had been raised the same way she did, if you got a girl pregnant, or got pregnant without being married, you were supposed to get married as soon as possible. And people would pretend to over look the fact that the baby was born a little early. 

But she wasn't sure that she was willing to do that, to enter into a marriage that might not be based on love. It would be for her, but not knowing how Mike felt...if only he could have waited until after the baby, or not asked right after she sprang the news, maybe she'd feel differently. Helen closed her eyes and concentrated on her stomach. She didn't want to be in a forced marriage, but she didn't want her child to grow up without a father either.

Helen opened her eyes and looked out the window at Boston. Her eyes landed on the window frame and the tiny etched ankh with the letters BF4L written below it. She and Lindsay had carved that their third year of law school when neither had been sure where she'd end up. They'd promised to always be there for each other, no matter what. And it was a promise that they'd kept so far. Exhausted and no closer to a conclusion than she'd been before, Helen leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes, her hand still anchored to her stomach. Before she fell asleep, she silently apologized to her child for messing things up, then she promised the baby that no matter what, she would always love it and be there for it.

Mike stood in his apartment which felt so empty. It had been ages since he'd been there without Helen. He wished he knew where she was. But more than that, he wished he knew what he'd done wrong. When she'd told him about the baby, he'd been so happy! Suddenly all he could think of was making a family with Helen, marrying her and making her his wife so they could start being a family and raise their baby together. Didn't she love him? He thought she did, he thought he'd seen that look in her eyes that she did. He knew he did. But maybe all he'd been seeing was his love reflected in her eyes.

Mike picked up his jacket from the ground and the little black velvet box fell out. He lifted the lid and looked at the perfect sapphire heart, surrounded by diamonds in the white gold setting. The sapphire matched her eyes and he knew that she'd love it. But now, she wouldn't wear it. Mike shook his head. He loved Helen, and their child, and he was going to fight for them! First thing in the morning, he was going to find Helen and convince her to marry him. They belonged together and he was going to make her see that. He snapped the lid to the box shut and walked into his bedroom, hiding it in his underwear drawer. Helen and their baby was his dream, and he wasn't going to give that up. 


	11. Change of Pace Chapter 10

Mike climbed in his car and drove over to Helen and Ellenor's apartment. He'd been planning on waiting until morning to try to find her but the idea of her driving around angry was more than he could bear. He parked on the street and ran up the two flights of stairs to knock on the door. Ellenor opened it and from the look of things, Mike had interrupted her and Matt. 

Mike blushed, embarrassed. "Can I talk to Helen?"

Ellenor looked at Mike like he was crazy. "I thought Helen was with you."

Mike sighed. "We had a fight when she told me about the baby," he said, figuring that Ellenor knew about the baby.

Ellenor stared at Mike in shock. "The baby?" she asked incredulously, then said softly, "Well, that explains it."

"I thought you knew," he said weakly. Great, now Helen was going to be more upset because he'd told Ellenor. Ellenor shook her head. "She's not here though," Mike asked, clarifying.

Ellenor shook her head, then her eyebrows drew together. "What did you fight about," she asked suspiciously.

"I asked her to marry me," Mike answered.

Ellenor's jaw dropped as Mike left. He drove through the parking garage to see if Helen's car was in her spot, but it wasn't. Thinking, he drove by Bobby and Lindsay's apartment, hoping that she'd gone there. Her car wasn't there though, and he drove by the courthouse wondering if she'd gone into work. When that didn't help, he drove by Richard's grave. It was morbid, but when she was upset, Helen tended to go there and talk to Richard about it. The graveyard was empty though and Mike left, out of ideas. 

He drove back to his apartment and flopped into bed feeling like he'd failed. He wished that he knew what he'd said wrong, why she was mad. If she didn't want to marry him, she could have just said no. What had happened? Mike stared at the ceiling, hoping that wherever Helen was, she was safe.

Helen woke up the next morning with a crink in her neck from sleeping leaning against the window. She looked out the window and saw that Boston was just starting to rise for the day. She stood slowly and her stomach churned. She walked slowly to her car and climbed in. Helen leaned forward, resting her head against her steering wheel as tears filled her eyes again. She felt so lost and confused. Not knowing where else to go, she drove to DYD&F, knowing that Lindsay would be there eventually and maybe she could tell Helen what the right thing to do was. Helen walked up the steps and wasn't that surprised to find that the office was still locked. It was only 6:30. She sat down slowly on the bench and waited, exhausted.

Lucy walked off the elevator and stopped, surprised to see Helen sitting on the bench next to the door wearing a halter top and jeans. Lucy and Helen had developed a friendship since they worked together on several rape cases. She approached Helen quietly and was worried when she didn't look up or blink. Helen just sat, staring straight ahead like she could see through Lucy. Lucy reached out and laid a gentle hand on Helen's shoulder, bringing her out of her daze. 

"Hey," she said gently. Something was obviously wrong. "What's up?"

"Lindsay will be in soon," Helen answered.

Lucy nodded slowly. "Yeah. Do you want to come inside? You can wait in Bobby's office."

"Okay," Helen said. She followed Lucy into the office and walked into Bobby's office without a word. Lucy looked after her, worried. This wasn't normal behavior for Helen. 

Ellenor came in a few minutes later and Lucy took advantage of the chance to try to glean at least a little info from her. 

"What happened to Helen?"

Ellenor turned, surprised. This was the second time in less than 12 hours that someone had asked her about Helen. First Mike, now Lucy. What was going on with her roommate? "I don't know, why?"

"I came in this morning and she was sitting on the bench, just staring. I brought her inside and she didn't really respond to anything.."

"Where is she now," Ellenor interrupted.

"In Bobby's office waiting for Lindsay. What's going on?"

Ellenor glared at Lucy. "I don't know!" Before Lucy could respond, Ellenor walked to her desk, dropping everything there before walking to Bobby's office. She knocked softly, then opened the door. Helen was sitting on the couch and looked up at the door. Her eyes scared Ellenor. Helen looked so scared and confused. Ellenor approached carefully. 

"Hey," she said softly. Helen didn't say anything, she was too afraid that everything would come pouring out and she didn't think that she had the strength to go through it twice. She didn't even turn her head. Ellenor waited, then continued. "Mike came by last night. He said you two had a fight?" Helen's eyes filled with tears and she blinked desperately, trying to keep them back. Ellenor sighed and sat on the couch next to her. "He told me about the baby."

That at least got a reaction. Kind of. Helen turned and looked at Ellenor and said simply, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to tell him first."

Ellenor nodded. "I understand. Wait, when you were sick...was something wrong with the baby?"

Helen closed her eyes briefly, remembering how scared she'd been, then nodded. "I started bleeding at work two weeks ago, the night that I was supposed to watch Zoe."

"But the baby's okay," Ellenor asked, worried.

Helen nodded. "I had a doctor's appointment a few days ago, he said that the baby's perfect." Her hand rested on her stomach. "Thank God."

Ellenor smiled weakly, not sure how to respond. "That's good," she said. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Helen answered softly. Ellenor reached over to hug her roommate, but Helen pulled away. "Please. I..." Helen trailed off, unable to explain that she couldn't handle contact right then, it would break her.

Ellenor nodded, understanding. "How far along are you?"

Helen smiled slightly. "Three months."

Bobby and Lindsay walked into the office, talking quietly, Bobby's arm wrapped around Lindsay's waist. Lucy rushed over as soon as the door was shut. 

"Helen's in your office Bobby, she's waiting for Lindsay, Ellenor's with her now, I think something's wrong because she's dazed and not quite with it, she looks like she's about to break down or something." Lucy took a deep breath since she'd spoken very quickly.

Lindsay turned to Bobby who nodded. "I'll work in the conference room," he said and kissed her gently. "I hope Helen's okay."

"Me too," Lindsay said. Lucy took her briefcase so she could go check on Helen. Lindsay knocked on the door and opened it slowly. Helen looked up and Lindsay immediately shut the door, hurrying next to her. "What happened," she asked softly. "What did he do?"

"He proposed," Helen answered softly.

Lindsay's jaw dropped. She'd been prepared for any number of responses, but not that one. "Why are you upset? You love him..."

"I know I do," Helen said, her voice filling with tears. "But I don't know if he loves me."

"Helen, of course he does," Lindsay answered, shocked. "Why would you think that he doesn't?"

"Well, I thought he did, but..." She took a deep breath. "We went to dinner, everything was great. I was so excited to tell him about the baby. We went back to his place and I gave him a card, it had a picture of a man and a little boy on it. Inside I put a picture of the baby, from the ultrasound, and wrote 'Happy Belated Father's Day. Love, Helen and Baby.' And he said something about not having anything to give me, then he said he did and asked me to marry him." Tears by this point were rolling down her cheeks. Lindsay pulled her into her arms and held her, rocking slightly. 

"It's okay, Helen. It's going to be okay. I just don't understand why you're upset..."

"I told him that I'm pregnant and he proposed. Because of the baby."

"Oh, no, sweetie, that's not it. He does love you, he does."

"But, he didn't mention anything about love, it was just 'marry me'."

Lindsay sighed and continued to hold Helen as she cried. Ellenor rubbed her back comfortingly and looked at Lindsay, surprised.

"Helen," Ellenor said softly, "Mike came by the apartment last night, he said that you guys had a fight...I don't think he knows why you're upset though. Did you tell him?" Helen shook her head. "Maybe you should," Ellenor suggested cautiously. Helen shook her head again. 

"Then he'll tell me that he does love me, but I'll never know if he means it because it's what I want to hear."

Lindsay sighed and Ellenor rolled her eyes. Helen was so stubborn! "Helen, if he hadn't proposed right now, if he'd waited a month or two, would you have said yes?"

"I don't know," Helen answered. "I think I would have. But I would have thought that he was proposing because he loved me, not because of the baby. I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant, Linds. I've seen how those marriages end, and I don't want that for my child. I'd rather be alone raising her than have her see her parents fighting."

Lindsay nodded. She remembered all too clearly the screaming arguments from her own home growing up. She and Bobby worked every day to keep their son from having those memories. "I think you should still talk to him," she advised softly. "Not now, give both of you a chance to cool off and decide what you want."

"I don't want to," Helen said softly, the hurt obvious in her voice. "I don't trust him."

"Helen," Lindsay said surprised. "Why not?"

"Because..." unable to think of a real reason, Helen simply mumbled, "because I don't."

Lindsay nodded. She knew that pushing it wouldn't help Helen. 

Ellenor spoke up then, still rubbing Helen's back. She thought that Helen was being ridiculous but it was obvious that Helen was miserable. "Helen, where were you last night, you didn't come home."

"I went to the Harvard library," she answered softly. 

Lindsay nodded, remembering going there years before. Lindsay stood then. "Come on."

"Where are we going," Helen asked softly. She wasn't sure she was prepared to go out and face the world yet, couldn't she stay here where she didn't have to deal with anything.

"I'm going to take you home and you're going to have something to eat. Then, you're going to sleep because if you slept at the library, I'm willing to bet that you didn't get enough sleep."

"Then what," Helen asked softly. She was afraid that Lindsay was going to say that then she was going to see Mike.

"Then we're going shopping, because you need retail therapy," Lindsay answered. Helen nodded, mostly because she was hungry and tired. She stood up and Ellenor hugged her. 

"Feel better, okay? You can handle this."

Helen smiled weakly and let Lindsay lead her out the door. The rest of the office had arrived by that time and watched them walk out. Lindsay rubbed her friend's back gently. "I'm going to go tell Bobby where I'm going, okay? You wait here."

Helen nodded as Lucy approached slowly. "You okay," she asked nervously.

Helen nodded again, then decided to break the news. "I'm fine," she assured Lucy, who looked immediately relieved. "I'm having a baby."

The entire office stopped, surprised. Lucy was the first to react. She smiled and hugged Helen. "Congratulations, that's great."

"Yeah, congrats Helen," Jimmy added with a smile. Bec came up and hugged her, adding her well wishes and Eugene nodded in agreement. 

Bobby and Lindsay had come out of the office to hear what Helen said. Bobby smiled at her and she nodded back as Lindsay came over. They left the office and drove to the apartment. Helen went to change into her pajamas while Lindsay made her a poached egg on toast and milk. Helen came back and sat down. 

"I'm not really hungry."

"You need to eat," Lindsay encouraged. "Just this, it's not much." Helen sighed and put a bite of food in her mouth while Lindsay talked in a soft reassuring voice. "It's good that you told the office. They'll all be here for you, whatever you need."

Helen nodded slowly. She was tired and didn't want to talk about the baby or Mike anymore. Talking about Mike hurt too much. "How's house hunting coming," she asked, trying to change the topic.

Lindsay recognized what she was doing, but played along anyway. "Actually, I think we might have found one. It's just outside the city in Stoneham. Three levels, five bedrooms and three baths. Plus the master bedroom, which has it's own bath with a huge sunken tub/hot tub and a giant shower. There's a pool with a fence and a fenced in yard." Lindsay beamed thinking about the house. "Bobby likes it because the kitchen is huge. The basement's finished and has a bar and a pool table. There's an elementary school two blocks away and the junior high is five blocks in the other direction. There's a park a block away. We're going to put an offer down on it tomorrow."

Helen smiled, happy for her friend. "That's great." She yawned then and Lindsay sighed. "Come on, bed."

Helen laughed as she put her dishes in the dishwasher. "Yes, Mom," she teased and Lindsay laughed. 

"And I don't want to see you up for at least three hours," Lindsay scolded, continuing the game. 

Helen nodded and walked into her room. She left the door cracked open though, feeling better that someone was there. It had scared her to be alone when she'd started bleeding and since then she'd shied away from sleeping when she was alone in the house unless the phone was by her. She laid in bed and sighed, thinking again of Mike. She'd try to figure it out later, right then, the combination of lack of sleep and emotions had made her exhausted.

Lindsay laid down on the couch and began flipping through an issue of _People_ magazine that Helen had bought. She then flipped on the television and fell asleep to _Oprah_.

Back at the office, Bobby was working in his office when Mike walked in, desperate. He'd gone by Helen's work and she wasn't there. Her car still wasn't back at the apartment and he was getting worried. When he'd driven by DYD&F though he'd seen her car and wondered why he hadn't thought to look there too. So he parked and hurried up to the office, past Lucy, and knocked on Bobby's door.

Bobby opened the door and stopped, surprised to see Mike. They'd become friends because Helen and Lindsay always had them spending time together. But Bobby wasn't overly happy to see Mike at that moment. Since marrying Lindsay, Helen had become like a sister to him. It wasn't surprising since she spent so much time at their house. But now Bobby was looking at the man who'd hurt Helen and he wasn't happy about it.

"Mike."

Mike winced. "Bobby, hi. Uh, could I come in?"

Bobby stepped aside and let Mike in. "She's not here."

"Yeah, I figured as much. Where is she?"

Bobby shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you."

Mike groaned. "Bobby, we're on the same side here."

"Really," Bobby said. "And just what side would that be?"

Mike sighed. "I guess you know about the baby." Bobby nodded and Mike continued. "I asked her to marry me."

"That seems to be the problem," Bobby stated.

"She turned me down, Bobby." Mike sighed and sat down on the couch. "I bought the ring weeks ago, before I went to Chicago. I was going to propose last night. But she told me about the baby, and all I could think of was how happy I was. I love Helen, I want to marry her and make a family with her. But she doesn't love me."

"Did you tell her that," Bobby asked.

Mike paused. "I thought I did. I...well, maybe I didn't tell her right then, but I've told her before, hundreds of times!"

Bobby sighed. He wanted to protect Helen, but he'd seen for himself how much she was hurting and Lindsay had filled him in on what had happened. He had a feeling that the best way to keep Helen from hurting was to get her and Mike back together.

"She thinks you proposed because of the baby," Bobby said bluntly.

Mike gaped at him for a second. "But I didn't!"

"She said she was pregnant, you responded with a marriage proposal. She thinks that you're trying to do the right thing by marrying her."

Mike stood up, angry. "That's not it though! I bought the ring weeks ago, before I had any idea that she was pregnant..." Mike broke off, worry etching itself on his features. "How has she been? Has she been sick? How far along is she? How long has she known?"

Bobby sighed. "She's about three months I think, about a month behind Lindsay. She's known for about...two weeks? I think that's right. Maybe two and a half. She...she had a little problem right after she found out."

Mike felt his heart drop. "What happened? Is she okay? Is the baby?"

"They're both fine, now," Bobby assured him. "She started bleeding and went to the hospital. They put her on bed rest for two weeks. But since then, they've both been perfectly fine."

Mike felt guilt begin to eat at him. "I should have been here for them. She shouldn't have been alone."

Bobby held out a hand. "You had to be with your grandfather, Helen understands that. And she wasn't alone. Lindsay and Ellenor and I took good care of her."

Mike nodded. "She knew for two weeks and didn't tell me," he said softly.

Bobby shook his head. "I asked her about that. She said, what was it, oh yeah, she said that she wanted to tell you to your face, she wanted to see for herself if you were happy. She's perfectly prepared to raise this baby alone if you don't want it..."

"Of course I want it!" Mike exclaimed. "It's my baby! How could she even think that?"

Bobby shook his head. "I don't know. But if you do leave, she'll have plenty of people to help her out. And if you leave, I wouldn't recommend coming back." Bobby knew if Mike left, he'd find a way to hurt him for hurting Helen.

"I'm not leaving," Mike said firmly. "I'm trying to figure out a way to convince Helen that I proposed because I love her, not because of the baby. But even if she won't marry me, I'm still going to be part of my child's life."

Bobby nodded. "Good."

"I'm glad you approve," Mike answered sarcastically. "Now can you please tell me where my girlfriend is?"

Bobby shook his head. "I can't, they'd kill me if I did."

"Bobby!" 

Bobby shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mike. But when you find her, make sure she knows what you told me. She doesn't listen too well, especially when she's hurt."

Mike rolled his eyes. "I know." He started for the door, then turned back. "Hey, Bobby. Thanks."

Bobby nodded and Mike left, realizing as he did that Lindsay wasn't at her desk. He paused next to Lucy's desk. "Lindsay in court?"

Lucy shook her head and glared at Mike. "She's taking care of Helen, what the hell did you do to her?"

Mike groaned. "Never mind." He hurried out of the office, figuring that they'd taken Lindsay's car wherever they'd gone. He drove by Bobby and Lindsay's apartment first since it was closer and didn't see the car, so he drove by Helen's again. When he saw Lindsay's blue Accord, he smiled and parked right in front of it. He jogged up the two flights of stairs to Helen's apartment and knocked on the door. 

Lindsay jerked awake and quickly stood up, hurrying to the front door before it could wake up Helen. She opened the door without looking through the peephole because their door at home didn't have one so she wasn't used to it. Lindsay froze when she saw Mike standing there.

"I need to talk to Helen," he said without preamble. He had no doubt that standing in front of him was another protector of Helen's. Lindsay might have looked physically less, but Mike had no doubt that she would protect her best friend like a she-bear protecting a cub.

Lindsay shook her head. "Too bad," Lindsay answered firmly. "She's sleeping and I'm not waking her up."

"Then I will."

"No," Lindsay said in her mother voice. "You won't."

"Lindsay, I need to see her." Mike hated that he was being forced to almost beg.

"I'm not letting you hurt her again," Lindsay hissed firmly.

Mike sighed. "Please..."

He was interrupted by a dejected voice from behind Lindsay. "Let him in, Linds," Helen said softly.

Lindsay sighed, but stepped away from the door. "Are you sure," she asked softly.

Helen nodded. "Yeah. We do need to talk. And I guess we're going it now."

Lindsay nodded and squeezed Helen's shoulder for support. "Do you want me to stick around?"

Helen shook her head. "No, I'll be okay." At Lindsay's doubtful look, she smiled slightly to reassure her friend. "I will. I'll call you after, I promise."

Lindsay nodded and hugged Helen goodbye before leaving without saying anything to Mike. When she was gone, Mike looked at Helen. "Thanks."

Helen looked back at him, exhausted. "What do you want, Mike?"


	12. Change of Pace Chapter 11

Mike opened his mouth, then closed it again. He had no idea what he wanted to say, he just knew that he wanted to make it better. But seeing Helen face to face, seeing the hurt in her eyes, he had no idea where to begin so he said the first thing that came to his head. "How are you doing? Are you okay? Is the baby?"

Helen sighed. She was exhausted but pride had her refusing to tell Mike that. She also desperately wanted a cigarette. She hadn't told Lindsay, but she kept an emergency pack in her closet. She'd smoked maybe a pack, total, in the last five years, all during times of high stress. But she couldn't have one now, she refused to hurt her baby like that. "I'm fine. Did you come here for small talk or did you actually want something?" Sometime during her nap, Helen the fighter had come back replacing the confused frightened woman she'd been earlier.

Mike took a step back, then stopped. He knew that Helen lashed out the most when she was hurt. He took a few steps forward and Helen retreated before she could stop herself. She didn't want him to touch her, she didn't think she could take it. Mike stopped, he didn't want to send her running again. "Helen...why..." He took a breath, not sure he really wanted to ask this question but he needed to know. "When I asked you to marry me, why did you say no?"

Helen sighed and walked around Mike to sit on the couch. This was probably going to be an emotional discussion and her doctor had warned her to avoid stress. Since that wasn't possible she at least wanted to sit while being stressed. As she sat, her hand automatically rested on her stomach. Mike followed and watched her hand, wanting desperately to touch her stomach, to feel their child. But he knew that somehow he'd lost that privilege and he'd have to earn it back. Helen paused, not knowing what to say, how to explain it to Mike.

Mike saw the indecision and tried another tactic. "Is it because you don't love me?"

Tears filled Helen's eyes at the pain in voice, that he would even have to ask her that question. She shook her head. "I can't get married because of the baby."

"What," Mike asked, confused.

"You...after I told you that I'm pregnant," Helen paused. "After I told you, you proposed. Because of the baby. And I can't...won't get married just because I'm having a baby."

"Because you don't love me," Mike said sadly.

"No," Helen exclaimed before she could stop herself. "I didn't say no because I don't love you, Michael." She sighed. "When I was 15, my sister Lisa was 18. She got pregnant and married the guy. She was miserable because she didn't love him and he didn't love her. After 5 years, she divorced him. It almost broke her. And I'm not going to do that to myself or my baby. I'm not..." Helen broke off. She couldn't say that the marriage would be loveless because she loved Mike and she knew it. But there was still that voice of doubt in the back of her mind that was saying Mike had only proposed because of the baby.

Mike had listened to her but had no idea how to respond. "Helen, honey we're not going to be like Lisa. I promise that, because I love you. And I thought you loved me."

Helen sighed, the tears spilling over and creating little rivers down her cheeks. "I do love you Michael. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. But the timing...I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to be completely sure that you *didn't* just marry me because of the baby."

Mike reached over to touch her, to hold her and comfort her and convince Helen that he did love her. But Helen shrank against the back of the couch. Mike stopped, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. "I don't want to lose you, Helen," he said firmly. "I asked you to marry me because you are the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world and I love you. I want you to be my wife. I swear, I was going to propose last night anyway. I bought the ring before I left for Chicago, I knew then that I wanted to marry you. When you told me about the baby...all I could think of was how excited I was to start a new life with you and the baby. How we'd be a family. And I wanted to get started on that life right away."

Helen drew her knees into her chest, wanting so badly to just sob. Everything she wanted, Mike, their child, a family, was within her reach. But for some reason she couldn't reach out and take it. "I wanted that too, Mike," she whispered.

Mike closed his eyes at the past tense. "And now," he whispered, afraid of the answer.

"I don't know if I can trust that it's for real," Helen said sadly. "I want to trust that it is more than anything, but I'm afraid that I'll always have this little voice inside of me asking if I'm sure it's not just for the baby."

"Helen, it's not," Mike insisted. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I don't love our baby already. But I love you too. I've loved you for a year and a half."

"I would never keep you from your baby, Michael," Helen insisted.

"I don't want to lose the baby, but I don't want to lose you either. Please, don't cut me out of your life."

Helen sighed sadly. She loved Mike with all her heart, she couldn't imagine her life without him and she didn't want to. "I won't marry you now," she said firmly.

"Someday?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Maybe. Michael, I don't know if I'll ever be able to believe that you proposed because of me, not just because of the baby." 

Mike sighed. "Helen, I swear, I was planning on proposing to you before I knew there was a baby. And when I propose to you again, it will be because I love you and I want you to be my wife and I want to be your husband. The baby is a bonus, but I want to marry *you*."

"I'm just not sure that I can ever believe that 100%," Helen whispered.

"Then I'll have to prove it to you," Mike answered. "You said that maybe someday you'll say yes. Can we still be together until someday comes," Mike asked, praying the answer was yes.

Helen paused. She hadn't really thought about that. "I...I don't know," she answered honestly. When Mike's face fell, she spoke quickly. "I mean, the last two weeks have been hard. I...I wanted you to be happy about the baby so badly-"

Mike reached over and took Helen's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I am happy about the baby," he said.

Helen nodded. "I hoped you would be, but I wasn't sure. And I was prepared to do this myself. To go through with the pregnancy and call you when the baby was born."

"Helen," Mike said, shocked. "How could you even *think* that I wouldn't want to be here?"

"I was preparing for the worst," Helen defended. "I was ready to do all of this alone, because this baby is wanted and loved. But if you want to be here..."

"I do," Mike said firmly. "I want to hold your head if you're sick and feel the baby move and go to doctor's appointments with you and help decorate the nursery. I want to be here for both of you."

Helen smiled through the tears that were streaming down her face again. "It wouldn't be like we were engaged," she warned. "We'd still be like we were before you left for Chicago. Dating."

Mike smiled as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "Dating would be wonderful." His smile turned into a grin. "Helen Gamble, will you be my girlfriend?"

Helen laughed through her tears and nodded. "Yes." She scooted across the couch into Mike's arms and held on tightly, burying her face in his chest. Mike smiled and held her close, stroking her hair until he felt her relax against him. Helen shifted so she could just rest her head against his shoulder and Mike smiled down at her.

"Tell me when you found out," he asked softly. "I missed so much, I want to hear everything!"

Helen sighed and started telling him everything. How she'd first suspected that she was pregnant and taking the test, then the first doctor's appointment. When she got to the day she'd started bleeding, her voice hitched and tears again ran down her cheeks. "I was so scared," she whispered. "I thought I'd done something wrong or terrible, that I'd hurt our baby. And all I wanted was for you to be there, holding me and telling me that we'd be alright."

Mike drew her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry I wasn't there," he whispered. "I wish I had been."

Helen nodded. "I took a cab to the ER. I guess Ellenor got worried when I didn't come home and she called Bobby and Lindsay. Somehow they ended up at the hospital and brought me home. Lindsay and Ellenor stayed with me pretty much all the time to make sure I was alright. The doctor put me on bed rest until I was out of my first trimester. The first day I was allowed to go out was Sunday."

"But you're alright now," Mike asked worriedly.

Helen nodded, rubbing his chest to reassure him. "We're both fine. I went to the doctor again on Saturday and she said that everything's perfect, I'm right on schedule."

"Good," Mike whispered. "When's your next appointment?"

"Two weeks," Helen answered. "Dr. Klein wants to make sure that I haven't had any more problems."

"I'd like to go with you."

Helen smiled. "I'd like that."

"You know, you have some pretty great friends at that office."

Helen glanced up at Mike worriedly. "What do you mean? What did they do to you?"

Mike smiled down at her. "Well, I worked my ass off to get Bobby to tell me anything, and he still would only tell me to make you listen. And last night Ellenor looked pretty pissed off that we'd fought, and Lucy yelled at me too. And if you hadn't come out when you did today, I have no doubt that Lindsay would have thrown me down the steps."

Helen laughed. "Yeah. They took good care of me." She yawned and Mike glanced down.

"You tired?"

Helen nodded. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Neither did I," Mike answered. "I was worried to death about you." He paused. "Helen, honey where did you go last night? I drove around the entire city, everyplace I could think of looking for you. I came here, I drove by Bobby and Lindsay's, I drove by the office, I even went past the graveyard trying to find you!"

"Oh," Helen whispered. "I went to Harvard. There was this place in the library, Lindsay and I used to go there all the time to talk. I needed to think and that was the first place that I thought of to go."

"Did you stay there all night," Mike asked worriedly.

Helen nodded. "I woke up this morning and went to Lindsay's office, I needed to talk to her, to see if she thought I was doing the right thing. Then she brought me back here and made me eat, then I took a nap."

Mike sighed and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry I woke you up. But I'm glad we got this out in the open. You really scared me last night when I couldn't find you, I was afraid that something had happened."

Helen shook her head. "I just needed time to think on my own for awhile. I didn't mean to scare you...I guess I didn't think you'd care. That you wouldn't want to see me again after I turned you down because you were too angry."

"Of course I care," Mike whispered insistently. "I will always care about you, Helen. I'll always love you. It hurt when you turned me down and it confused me, but I wasn't angry."

Helen smiled slightly as she wrapped her arms tighter around his chest. "I'll always love you too," she said. This conversation hadn't ended the way she had expected, but she was happier than she'd thought would be possible. She snuggled closer to Mike, thankful that he was there with her, and closed her eyes, drifting towards sleep.

Mike watched her eyes close and smiled down at her. "Come on, let's get you to bed. You're not going to sleep well on the couch and you need it."

"Don't leave," Helen asked softly. She didn't want him to think she was weak, but she wanted to fall asleep with him holding her, it always made her feel so safe, like nothing bad could ever happen.

"I won't," Mike promised. He stood and bent, lifting Helen into his arms. He laid her on her bed then lay next to her, drawing her close so her head rested on his chest while his arms encircled her and she draped one arm across his chest while the other rested on her stomach. "I love you," he whispered as she drifted to sleep.

Helen smiled sleepily. "I love you too," she whispered back.

Lindsay stormed into DYD&F and straight into Bobby's office. Bobby looked up in surprise at the sound of his door slamming shut and the window rattling in the pane. But one glance at his wife's furious expression had him scooting the chair back instinctively. 

"Uh...hi honey," he said. Bobby had no idea why Lindsay was upset but he had a feeling that he didn't want that anger aimed at him.

"He found us," she spat out angrily. 

Sensing that he might not be in trouble for this one, Bobby walked towards her carefully. "Who found you," he asked slowly even though he had a pretty good idea who she meant.

"Mike," Lindsay all but growled his name.

"Well Lindsay," Bobby tried to soothe as he gently rested his hands on her shoulders. "There aren't that many places he'd figure you'd go..." Bobby broke off when Lindsay spun on him furiously.

"Did you tell him that I was with her," she demanded.

Bobby shook his head quickly. "No. No, I swear. I just told him to make her listen. But you weren't here so he probably figured that you were together. And he probably figured that Helen was upset. And there are two places that you're probably going to go if you needed privacy, our apartment and Helen's. And Mike knows what your car looks like. Honey, he's a detective. He put the clues together." 

Lindsay sighed. He was right and she hated it when he was right, mostly because that usually meant she was wrong. She placed her hand on Bobby's chest. "I'm sorry I took it out on you," she said softly.

Bobby smiled and brought her fingers to his lips. "She's a friend and she's hurting and you're worried. I can take being yelled at." He smiled teasingly and Lindsay sighed.

"I know you can. That doesn't mean I like doing it."

Bobby led his wife to the couch and sat next to her. "So he showed up?"

Lindsay nodded. "Helen was napping and I guess I must have fallen asleep too because the next thing I know, someone's knocking on the door. I opened it and Mike's standing there. I wasn't going to let him in, but Helen woke up and told me to. She said she didn't need me to stay..."

"But you'd feel better if you had," Bobby finished with a smile. Lindsay nodded and Bobby continued. "Helen's a big girl honey. She needs to take care of this on her own."

Lindsay sighed. "I know that. But she was so hurt Bobby. And I don't want to see her go through that again."

"I know you don't," Bobby drew Lindsay closer until she was nestled in his arms. "That's what makes you such a wonderful friend to her. But she'll come to you if she needs help. You know that." Lindsay nodded again and Bobby smiled. "I have an idea. Why don't we take an early lunch and talk about how we can decorate our new house?"

Lindsay beamed up at him. "I like that idea," she said. "I had some cute ideas for how to do the babies' nursery and for Robby's room."

Bobby smiled as he stood, pulling Lindsay up with him. "I can't wait to hear all about them," he said.

As they walked out of the office, Lucy looked up nervously. She's heard Lindsay yelling and had heard what she was upset about. "Uh, Lindsay?"

Lindsay turned, wondering why Lucy sounded so guilty. "Yeah Lucy?"

"Um...I think I accidentally might have told Mike where you were. I mean not exactly..."

Lindsay looked at the young woman, confused. "How do you mean?"

"Well, he came out of Bobby's and I was working on pulling cases for Jimmy and he asked me if you were in court. I didn't even think when I told him that you were with Helen, I swear I didn't mean to."

Lindsay shook her head. "It's okay Lucy. They needed to talk anyway. I'm not mad at you."

Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks. So...I can still watch Robby tomorrow when you guys make the offer on the house?"

Lindsay laughed. She'd known that Lucy must have had an ulterior motive for confessing to her part in Mike's appearance at the apartment. Lucy loved watching Robby for them. Her favorite days were when the nannies canceled and both Ellenor and Lindsay brought the kids to the office because then she got to take care of them and play mommy all day.

"Yes, you can still watch Robby," Lindsay said, feeling like a parent granting their child a privilege.

Lucy grinned. "Thanks."

Bobby rested a hand on Lindsay's lower back. "Come on, honey."

Lindsay nodded. "We're taking an early lunch, Lucy. We'll be back in about an hour."

"Okay," Lucy answered as she turned back to her computer. Somehow, lately she'd been put in charge of looking up cases for precedent and doing other jobs that actually involved the law. She was thinking of going back to school to get a degree as a paralegal, but she hadn't told anyone about that thought yet. She'd wait to bring it up later.

Helen woke up two hours later with the feeling of being watched. She looked up and Mike smiled at her.

"Good afternoon, sleepyhead," he teased.

Helen groaned and stretched. "I didn't sleep that long," she argued.

"Sure you did," Mike laughed. "But you and the baby needed it, so it was a good thing."

Helen nodded, then looked at Mike suspiciously. "Did you get any sleep, or were you watching me?"

Mike blushed guiltily. "Um...I might have watched you. Why?"

Helen shrugged. "It couldn't have been very relaxing or interesting for you."

Mike drew her closer and kissed her deeply and throughly. When they pulled apart, he smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Actually, it was both relaxing and interesting." Helen gave him a disbelieving look, so he continued. "It's been more than a month since I got to just lay here and hold you. I missed that. When you're sleeping, I can look at you and see so much."

"When I'm sleeping," Helen asked doubtfully. "With my eyes closed."

Mike nodded. "You relax, completely. Today, you had this tiny little smile on your lips and you were clinging to me with one hand while the other hand was right here," he gently placed his hand on her stomach. "You looked so peaceful and happy. And like the most beautiful woman in the world."

Helen smiled as she nestled closer. Mike was wonderful and sweet and caring and she loved him. It scared her sometimes just how much she actually did love him. Her usual relationship pattern involved staying emotionally neutral to avoid being hurt. But somehow, without her even realizing it, Mike had gotten through all of her defenses. Now she loved him deeply, but that gave him a power that she didn't like anyone having, the power to hurt her. Helen was convinced to the bottom of her soul that if someone had the power to hurt her, they would. She'd given that power to Bobby, and he'd hurt her twice, once with Isokoff and once with the Winslow case. She'd long since forgiven Bobby for both of those things, but the fear of being hurt again had been burned into her. In law school she'd dated a guy because she thought he liked her until he asked her to help him cheat on a final exam. She'd dumped him and steered clear of serious relationships until Bobby five years later. Helen knew that she was the main reason that her past relationships hadn't worked. She was so careful to avoid being hurt that she seemed distant and cold. Only Mike had broken through that and not hurt her. She was desperate to believe that he wouldn't hurt her, but at the same time she was terrified that he would. She didn't think that she was strong enough to handle him leaving her.

Mike saw the doubt on her face and kissed her forehead. "Hey, what's wrong baby?"

Helen shook her head and buried her face in his chest trying to keep the tears from falling down her face. Feeling her shoulders shake, Mike drew her closer. "Helen? Baby, what's going on? Why are you crying?"

"It's nothing," Helen whispered, her voice choked with tears. The only way to keep at least part of her heart safe was to not let Mike knew that he had to power to hurt her. 

Not believing for a second that it was nothing, Mike held her tightly to him, rubbing her back and kissing her hair, trying to comfort her. "I love you," he whispered between kisses. "I'm right here. I love you. It's okay, baby, it's all going to be okay." Mike had no idea what he was claiming was going to be okay, but he was determined that it was. "Whatever it is, I'll fix it, I promise. Please honey. Please tell me what's wrong."

Helen shook her head and burrowed closer, forcing herself to stop crying. Mike felt the tears stop falling from her eyes, but he could still feel her tremble as she tried to keep her emotions in. When she finally felt like she was back under control, Helen sat up and drew her knees into her chest, wiping her eyes. Mike looked at her, clearly hoping that she'd say something. Instead she forced a smile. "I'm fine," she said. "Pregnant hormones and stuff. You know."

Mike shook his head. "There's more to it than that Helen," he said firmly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Helen insisted firmly. She stood up and pulled a sweatshirt on over the t-shirt that she'd been wearing. "I'm hungry. Do you want something?"

Mike sighed and got out of bed. "Yes, I want you to talk to me."

Helen rolled her eyes. "It's nothing. I'm fine. I swear."

Mike decided to let it drop for the time being. He'd make more progress when Helen's defenses weren't up. "Well, what are you hungry for," he asked.

Helen shrugged. "I don't really know. How stupid is that? I'm just...hungry."

Mike laughed as they walked towards the kitchen. "Have you been having any strange cravings?"

"Not yet," Helen answered as she opened the fridge and stared into it, hoping that something would catch her interest. 

"How about morning sickness," Mike asked worriedly as he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Helen laughed softly. "I'm not sure it could be called 'morning' sickness since I got it in the evenings."

"All the time?"

"Every night. Usually for about two or three hours."

"Oh, angel," Mike said softly, his voice full of regret. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

Helen shrugged. "It's okay. I got used to eating more in the mornings and at noon. And it's pretty much gone now. Lucky for you."

Mike smiled. "I still wish I was here."

"I know," Helen answered as she turned from the fridge. She grabbed two pieces of white bread and slathered them with peanut butter before cutting up a banana to put on it. As she was about to put the peanut butter back, she turned to Mike. "Do you want one?"

Mike shook his head, laughing. It used to worry him that Helen was so thin. But after dating her for awhile, he'd realized that the reason she was able to stay so thin was that she was constantly on the go and she still ate like she was 10. Helen would live on peanut butter sandwiches and cereal if she could, simply because she didn't like cooking enough to bother making anything. Plus she got so wrapped up in work that she'd forget to eat. Thinking of that, he sat next to her at the counter as she ate. "You've been eating well? And regularly?" When Helen nodded around a mouth of peanut butter, Mike thought of something else. "And real food?"

Helen laughed, and took a drink of milk. "Three meals a day, and healthy ones. I've been taking very good care of our baby."

Mike smiled. "I know. You'll be such a great mom."

Helen smiled slightly. Her greatest fear was that she wasn't going to be a good mother, that too many years as a DA had robbed her of all maternal instincts and the ability to care. But rather than admit to her fear, she just smiled. "Thanks. You'll be a wonderful dad."

Mike smiled and rubbed her back as he took her plate and put it in the dishwasher. Hearing Helen say that he'd be a good dad had caused another thought to jump into his head. "Honey? If...if you had miscarried...you would tell me, right?"

Helen looked up in surprise. "Uh...I don't know," she answered before she could think of a better answer.

"You don't know," Mike asked in shock, anger obvious in his voice. "You mean you might not have told me that I had a child?!"

Hearing the anger and judgement, Helen's defenses came up. "Well you wouldn't have had a child if I *had* miscarried now, would you? And I didn't have a miscarriage, so what does it matter?"

"I just can't believe that you wouldn't tell me! I mean, I imagine that it would be hard for you, our child dies, and you don't tell me just because that child isn't born yet?! It's my baby too, Helen, not just yours," Mike yelled. He had no idea why he'd even brought this up, but now he was both angry and frightened. Angry that she wasn't sure that she would have told him and frightened of what it meant for their relationship that she wouldn't.

"I know that this baby isn't just mine," Helen yelled back, jumping up and sending her chair falling back. "But *I* was the one who was alone in the courthouse when I started bleeding and all I could think of was getting to the hospital and saving the baby and being scared that I'd done something wrong and killed our child! And I'm not sure that I could have told you, that I could have looked at you and told you that I'd killed our baby and seen the disappointment and anger and hatred in your eyes! So I'm sorry if I didn't pass your little test Michael, but I was here and you weren't. Don't yell at me because you have no IDEA how it feels!" Helen stormed towards her room but was stopped when Mike grabbed her arm and spun her until she was facing him with her face buried in his chest. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I don't know why I even asked you that, I'm sorry baby. I shouldn't have yelled at you, you're right I wasn't here."

Helen pushed back, walking a few paces away but staying in the room. "I know that this baby is yours too...I just...if something did happen..." She trailed off, unable to put her thoughts into words

"I know that you wouldn't have not told me to me malicious," Mike said. "But the idea of not knowing about the baby..."

"I would have told you," Helen whispered. "I would have."

"I know," Mike said. "When you were ready."

Helen nodded, her hand resting on her stomach. "That hurt," she whispered and Mike was at he side in an instant. 

"What hurt? Do we need to call the doctor? Go to the hospital?"

Helen shook her head. "What you said before...it hurt."

"Oh," Mike nodded. "I'm sorry that I said it, I really am."

Helen nodded, but before she could say anything else the front door opened and Zoe burst into the room, followed by Ellenor. Zoe raced over to Helen and hugged her legs tightly.

"Guess what I did at Miss Nancy's today!"

Helen smiled. "What, honey?"

"We drewed pictures of our family. Wanna see?"

"Sure." Helen looked up at Mike, amused.

Zoe set her Power Puff Girl backpack on the floor and opened it, pulling out a piece of paper with stick figures drawn on it. "See, there's me an' Mommy an' you!"

Helen grinned at the drawing that Zoe was so proud of. "It's beautiful, Zoe. Should we put it on the fridge?" The aforementioned appliance was already covered with Zoe's artwork.

But the little girl shook her head. "No, it's for you, for work!"

Helen nodded. "Well, thank you. I'll hang it in my office tomorrow. Okay?"

Zoe nodded proudly. "Miss Nancy's going to have a baby!"

"Really," Helen said as she lifted Zoe into her arms so she could start helping make dinner. "That's nice."

Zoe nodded. "Emma gets to have a baby brother or sister. I want a baby brother or sister too!"

Helen paused, then smiled. "Well would it be okay if I had a baby and you could be like the baby's big sister?"

Zoe thought about that for a second. "That would be okay. Will you?!"

Helen laughed and nodded. "I'm going to have a baby in a few months."

Zoe's eyes got big and she grinned. "Really?" When Helen nodded she let out a yell of "YAY!!!!!!!"

Helen laughed and put Zoe on the ground. Zoe immediately ran towards Ellenor's room and they could hear her screaming excitedly, "Mommy! Hewen's gonna have a baby! I'm gonna be a big sister too!"

"Well, kind of," Helen whispered to Mike who nodded.

Mike glanced at the clock and winced. "I have to be at work in half an hour. I'll call you later, okay honey?" 

Helen nodded and Mike kissed her gently. "I love you," he said softly. "And I'm so excited about the baby."

Helen smiled. "Me too," she answered. "Now, you better get to work or you'll be late."

"Yes ma'am," Mike teased. 

Right before he shut the door behind him, Helen called, "I love you too."

Ellenor emerged from her room a few minutes later, changed into a casual dark gray skirt and a light pink top. "Hey. You know, you made Zoe's day telling her about the baby."

Helen nodded. "She seemed pretty excited."

"How are you doing," Ellenor asked worriedly. 

"I'm okay."

"And you and Mike?"

"We cleared a lot of it up. We're dating, nothing else. I think he wants more still, but I'm not willing to give it yet. I can't."

Ellenor nodded. "I understand. But you guys are okay?"

Helen paused before she nodded. "Yeah. I think we are."


	13. Change of Pace Chapter 12

Six weeks later, Helen stepped out of the shower and began to dry herself. Things had been busy lately. In addition to work and all of the usual stress involved with that Helen was still trying to get used to being pregnant. She paused in drying and turned so she could look sideways at herself in the mirror. She ran a hand experimentally over her stomach which was definitely sticking out. It was so strange to her and she felt so awkward in her new body. She wasn't wearing maternity clothes yet, mostly because she refused to believe that she was showing so soon. In general Helen wouldn't even look in the mirror at herself, but now she let herself take stock of her new figure. Much to her horror, her thighs were thicker and her hips were wider, in addition to her stomach having a rather noticeable bump. Her chest was also larger which would have been a benefit except for all of the other changes. Mike hadn't seen yet for himself what was happening to his formerly skinny girlfriend. Not that he didn't want to, but Helen wouldn't let him. As soon as she started to notice the changes herself, Helen couldn't handle Mike touching her in anyplace she felt was unattractive. Which pretty much limited his contact to her arms, back, and face. She sighed sadly. Though she was looking forward to the baby, she mourned her lost figure. Helen grabbed her towel and finished getting ready to meet Lindsay for lunch at The Chinese Garden, their favorite restaurant. 

Mike watched her sail out the door with only a brief kiss on the lips and then began to get ready for his own lunch meeting. He was confused about what was going on with Helen. One day, she'd been fine with his touching her, then the next, she'd suddenly pulled away. Mike guessed that the sudden change had something to do with her pregnancy, but he had no idea what had caused it or why. So he'd made lunch plans with the one person he hoped could help him.

Helen walked into The Chinese Garden and immediately saw Lindsay sitting at one of the tables in the far corner. Helen sighed enviously as she slid into her seat. It wasn't fair. Lindsay looked perfectly happy and pleased that she was getting bigger.

Lindsay raised an eyebrow at Helen. "What's wrong?"

Helen glanced up from the menu and shrugged. "Nothing. Have you ordered yet?"

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "I got us crab rangoon and egg rolls. I figured we could order entrees when you got here." 

Helen nodded, distractedly. She'd suddenly noticed Lindsay gently stroking her stomach as she spoke. Helen doubted her friend was even aware of the movement, but that just made all of Helen's insecurities rise to the surface again. Lindsay looked so content and happy when she was pregnant. Helen doubted that she'd ever had moments of doubt about her appearance. She was jerked back to reality when Lindsay kicked her sharply in the ankle. "Ow! What was that for," Helen grumbled as she reached under the table to rub the offended body part.

"What's wrong with you," Lindsay demanded back. "You just got here and you're off in another world!"

Helen sighed. "Look, I'll tell you, but can we talk about it later? Please?"

Lindsay sighed. "Fine."

Helen smiled in relief as the waiter put their crab rangoon and egg rolls on the table. Despite her frustration at her body, Helen's stomach growled and she put one of each on her plate. She smiled at Lindsay, hoping to change the topic of conversation. "How's everything coming for the big move?"

Lindsay rolled her eyes and laughed as she dipped an egg roll in teriyaki sauce. "Bobby's driving me nuts. Now that we've actually gotten the house, it's like he's running scared. I finally picked out all the new furniture for Robby's room and the nursery and the living room, but whenever I bring up the topic of choosing our own, he suddenly has to go do something."

Helen tilted her head to the side and took a bite of crab rangoon. After she swallowed, she asked, "Could it be because he's just not interested?"

"I don't think so. I mentioned something about starting to pack up the stuff that we're not using so we're not trying to do everything at once, but he looked like I'd just threatened to throw away his Bond movie collection."

Helen laughed. "He's Bobby. It takes him time to get used to changes, I mean look how long it took him to let you in, and he was head over heels in love with you."

Lindsay sighed and nodded. "I just feel like I'm forcing him into something with this move, something that he's not ready for. I don't want to do that but we really don't have another choice. The babies will be here in three and a half months and there's just not room in the apartment for two babies."

Helen nodded. "I know. He'll get excited about it and he'll start helping, if for no other reason than it's important to you."

Lindsay nodded as the waiter came back. Both women ordered their entrees and continued talking.

"So, what are you doing with the kids' rooms," Helen asked. 

Lindsay grinned, she was so excited about her designs. "Well, I found this great artist who's going to do murals on the walls of both rooms."

"Who," Helen interrupted, curious. She'd begun thinking about decorating her own nursery and had thought of a mural also.

"Actually, it's Lucy," Lindsay answered with a smile. "I saw her doodling a few weeks ago and she was really good! So we're paying her $400 plus supplies to do both rooms. Robby's room is going to look like a baseball stadium. He hasn't stopped talking about baseball and the Red Sox since Bobby took him to that game last April! And I got a bed that has baseball bats for the posts and baseballs on top of them. It's so cute! The bedding is Red Sox and Lucy's also going to paint his closet doors like the doors going into the locker room."

Helen grinned. "Lindsay that sounds so cute! Robby'll love it."

"I hope so. He's not so sure about leaving the apartment. It's the only home he's ever known."

"He'll adjust," Helen assured her. "He'll love having the park down the street and a back yard. What about the nursery?"

Lindsay beamed. "This is my favorite room. Since we're having twins, I decided on a Noah's Ark theme. Lucy's painting the room to look like the beach with the ocean and the ark and all the animals lined up. But they're going to look like stuffed animals."

"Aw, Linds," Helen gushed with a smile. "That's perfect! But you and Bobby still don't know the sex of the babies, right?"

"Right. But, we went to the doctor yesterday..."

"And?"

"They're identical." Lindsay grinned. "Now Bobby's trying to buy matching everything."

Helen laughed. "I bet."

Lindsay nodded, then waited while the waiter delivered their lunch. Once he'd left, she turned to her friend. "Now, what's bothering you? Come on, Helen. You know you can tell me anything."

Helen sighed and poked at her sweet and sour chicken. "I know. It's just...it's hard to say without sounding selfish or shallow."

"Then say it sounding selfish and shallow, I know you won't mean it that way."

Helen took a bite of chicken and swallowed. When she spoke, it was cautiously. "You...you look happy Linds."

Lindsay looked up in surprise. "I am."

"No, I mean, with yourself. Being pregnant."

Lindsay raised an eyebrow. "I am. I'm really excited about the babies. Why?"

Helen let out an impatient sigh. This was harder than she'd thought. "Not about the babies, but...I guess...you look like you like your body." 

Lindsay stared at Helen, partially in shock, partially in confusion. "Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"Even when you were pregnant with Robby, you seemed so comfortable with it, like you always knew that you looked beautiful."

Lindsay forced herself to close her mouth, which had dropped open. In all of the years she'd known Helen, she'd never known her to worry about her appearance. Helen knew that she looked good, it was part of who she was. This new uncertain Helen was a little hard to deal with. "Helen? Maybe it's just me, but I'm not getting you."

Helen sighed. She didn't want to spell it out like this, she knew how it would sound. "I hate how I look right now. I hate that I'm losing my figure, and I hate that Mike's going to look at me someday soon, realize how fat and ugly I am, and leave me!"

Lindsay stared at her best friend, shocked. "Helen, you're not fat! And you're not even close to ugly! What would make you think that?!" Lindsay mentally added that if Mike had said anything to Helen to make her feel this way, she'd hurt him badly.

Helen rolled her bright blue eyes. "Linds, look at me! I look like a swallowed a basketball! My thighs are HUGE and my hips are much wider!"

Lindsay shook her head. "Helen," she said gently. "Those are all normal changes that happen when you're pregnant! And you don't look like you swallowed a basketball unless it's one of those really small ones, your thighs are NOT that big, and neither are your hips! Trust me, you're still really skinny. Look at me, for God's sake! I'm much bigger than you are."

Helen tilted her head to the side. "You're having twins though. And you always seem like you're so happy with your body..."

Lindsay closed her eyes briefly. "Helen, trust me, what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Robby. I was terrified that the second Bobby realized that I wasn't the same woman he'd married, he'd turn around and run as far away from me as he could get. But when I finally let him see me, he didn't run. He was so excited to see how my body was changing because he loves ME, not just my body but all of me. And he knew that the changes were because of our baby that we made because we love each other. Mike loves you the same way, I know he does." When Helen didn't say anything, Lindsay sighed. "But you need to be comfortable with yourself first, you have to want to let Mike touch you."

"What if I drive him away," Helen asked softly.

Lindsay shook her head. "You won't," she insisted. "Trust me babe, you wouldn't be able to drive him away if you tried."

Helen nodded softly. "I'll try to let him in."

Lindsay smiled gently. "I'm not just trying to help Mike, Helen. First and foremost I want you to be happy. And I know that you'll be happier with Mike than without."

Helen smiled slightly, thankful for Lindsay's advice. It wasn't something she felt she could talk about with Ellenor since Ellenor had been alone during her pregnancy and Lindsay knew her better than anyone. She was about to say something when she noticed Lindsay pause with a strange look on her face and cup a hand over her stomach. "Babe? Are you okay," she asked worriedly.

Lindsay waited a moment before answering. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." 

Helen's eyes narrowed. Something hadn't sounded right about her friend's voice. "What's wrong?"

Lindsay shook her head slightly. "Just a cramp..."

"Should we go to the doctor," Helen asked, already looking around to signal the waiter. This was reminding her a little too much of when she'd started bleeding. "Or would the hospital be better?"

Lindsay shook her head slowly. "No. No, I don't need a doctor. I've been getting these a few times a day, it's nothing major."

"Lindsay, if you're having cramps you should see a doctor NOW. I can't believe I'm having to tell you this!"

"Trust me," Lindsay insisted. "It's only a few times a day and they're not sharp or anything, they don't even really hurt. They're just...not comfortable."

"How long have you been getting them?"

"For a couple of days now."

"And Bobby hasn't dragged you in to see a doctor?!"

"I haven't told him," Lindsay answered quietly. "And I don't want you to either."

"Lindsay, if something's wrong..."

"Nothing is," she insisted. "And I don't want to worry him. I swear, I'm fine. I think the babies just want more room than I can give them."

Helen didn't look convinced though. "If it gets worse, you'll go to the doctor, right?"

"Of course," Lindsay answered. "I just really don't think it's anything to get worried about."

Helen reluctantly agreed not to tell Bobby, even though she still thought he should know. Lindsay paid the bill, since they alternated, and stood up from the bench with a little effort. Helen followed and they walked outside, thankful for the warm summer air. 

Lindsay glanced lazily at the shop windows, enjoying her rare free day. Not that she didn't love her family, she did. But sometimes she missed having girl time with Helen. Lindsay noticed a shop across the street and grabbed Helen's arm. "Look! There's that new maternity shop I was telling you about. Wanna go in," she asked hopefully.

Helen was torn. Lindsay obviously wanted to check out the shop and Helen knew deep down that she needed to buy some maternity clothes, but she wasn't really ready to admit that to herself yet. Finally though she nodded. "Sure. Why not?"

Lindsay dragged her across the street and into the store with a smile on her face. She loved shopping and she'd heard that in addition to very nice maternity clothes, this store had plenty of cute baby outfits. She wasn't disappointed either. There were little frilly dresses and sleepers and what seemed like hundreds of other adorable clothing items for babies. Lindsay reluctantly tore herself away and began looking at the collection of evening gowns they had. Helen came up behind her with a puzzled look on her face.

"Planning on going dancing?"

Lindsay smiled ruefully. "Actually, yeah. Bobby's church is having its 100 year anniversary and they're having a fancy dinner party at the Cotillion to celebrate. It's in a few weeks and I've been putting off buying a dress."

Helen smiled. "That sounds fun."

Lindsay rolled her blue eyes towards the ceiling. "Very," she replied sarcastically. "I get to get dressed up, wear heels, and go to what will probably be a boring night with people I don't really know all while feeling like a beached whale. It'll be a great evening."

"If you're really not looking forward to it, why are you going," Helen asked.

Lindsay sighed. "Because it means a lot to Bobby and Stephen. And I am getting Bobby to move into a house, so this is how I'm repaying him. And I'll get to dance with my husband and all the women there will see how lucky I am."

Helen made a gagging noise behind her hand. "I know, I know. You're so happy."

Lindsay smiled as she chose a teal dress from the rack. "Yeah. I am."

Helen browsed the store while Lindsay tried on the dress, returned to give her opinion that the rose one would complement her better, and chose a black suit to try on. She also found two pairs of capri pants, one in denim and one in black, and a couple of tops. Lindsay laughed as she saw her friend bring her purchases to the counter. "Feeling better about how we look?"

Helen shrugged. "I can't live in denial and stretchy pants forever. As much as I might want to." 

Lindsay laughed again. "I'm craving ice cream. I'll treat if you want some too."

Helen thought about it for a second, then nodded. "Sure. Chocolate fudge brownie, please."

Lindsay headed for ice cream while Helen saw a children's book on the shelf and picked it up, flipped through it, and placed it on top of her pile. She'd give it to Robby when they moved into the new house. She gathered her bags and met Lindsay outside, taking her ice cream as they continued their stroll down the block.

Across town, Mike walked into a park and looked towards the playground. He smiled when the blond boy jumped off the swing and raced towards him at full speed. 

"Uncle Mike," Robby yelled, jumping up.

Mike caught the boy and tossed him up in the air before settling him on his hip. "Hey, buddy," he said with a smile. "How's my favorite deputy?"

Robby beamed. "I'm great! Daddy said we get hot dogs for lunch!"

Mike nodded. "Yep." He smiled as Bobby followed his son. "Hey, Bobby. Thanks for agreeing to meet me."

"No problem." They walked over to a street vendor and Bobby bought a hot dog for Robby and a sausage for himself, along with a soda for them to share. Mike bought a sausage and a soda as well. They sat down on a bench and Robby quickly finished his lunch, then ran off to play on the playground some more. Bobby kept an eye on him while turning his attention to Mike. "What's up?"

Mike sighed. "I wish I knew."

Bobby's brow furrowed with worry. "Something wrong with Helen?"

Mike shrugged. "I think so. But she won't tell me what. It's just...for the past few weeks, she hasn't let me touch her." Bobby raised an eyebrow and Mike continued. "It just kind of happened out of the blue. One day we were fine, the next, I was only allowed to touch her face, arms, and back. I have no idea what happened."

Bobby looked thoughtful. "Have you tried to touch her?"

"Yeah. But she won't even let me spend the night anymore, unless we fall asleep watching a movie or something. But even in her sleep, if my hand gets anywhere near her stomach, she moves it."

Bobby's eyes lit up and he nodded. "Oh. I get it."

"What?"

"She's probably feeling self conscious about getting bigger."

"But she's happy about the baby," Mike objected.

"That doesn't matter," Bobby insisted. "Lindsay was happy about Robby, but when she was pregnant, she somehow got it into her head that I wouldn't think she was pretty once she started showing. And because she was afraid to tell me, she started pushing me away."

"But she got over it..."

"After a while."

"On her own?"

Bobby shook his head. "No. I had to prove to her that I still found her beautiful. It took a little while, but she eventually believed me."

Mike rubbed a hand over his face. "I can't believe that Helen would doubt that I think she's beautiful! What should I do?"

Bobby shrugged. "A lot of it depends on Helen and how much she's willing to take. But don't underestimate the little stuff. Telling her that she's beautiful, back massages. Take advantage of what she'll let you do, and move on from there."

Mike nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem. How's everything coming?"

"I think it's going well. She whines about missing her coffee, but I bought her coffee ice cream the other day and she was happy."

"Has the baby started to move yet?"

"I don't think so," Mike answered slowly. "She hasn't mentioned it to me. She would though, right? I mean, even if she didn't want me touching her stomach, she'd tell me if she felt the baby move..."

"Of course she would," Bobby answered. "She's not being vindictive or malicious, she's scared." Mike nodded and the men sat in silence for awhile before Bobby turned back to his friend. "Hey, would you mind giving us a hand with the move in a few weeks? I asked Eugene and Jimmy to help out and I think the rest of the firm is coming too, but we could use another set of hands."

"When are you moving," Mike asked.

"Three weeks. Lindsay's getting anxious to be in before the babies come, and I don't blame her."

Mike nodded. "That sounds good. I don't think we have any plans. I don't want Helen doing any lifting."

"Of course. She and Lindsay can supervise and direct. They should be great at it."

Mike laughed and agreed. He looked up and saw Helen and Lindsay enter the park. They were talking though and hadn't seen either of them yet. Mike smiled and nudged Bobby. "Here come our women."

Bobby looked up and smiled. Both men stood to head over to them when Robby let out a shriek of "Mama!" and raced over to his mother.

Lindsay grinned as she bent to hug her son. "Hi honey. Can you say hi to Auntie Helen?"

Robby wrapped his arms around Helen's legs. He adored her and the feeling was definitely mutual. Helen was his favorite babysitter after Lucy. "Hi, Tee," he said with a smile.

Helen grinned and squatted down to hug him. He'd called her "Tee" for as long as he could talk as a shortened version of "Auntie." She lifted him in her arms, balancing the little boy with her packages. "Hi, sweetie. How are you?"

Robby's smile faded. "I'm getting a new house," he said sadly.

"Don't you want to move to a new house," Helen asked.

Robby shrugged. "I like this house."

Helen hugged him gently. "I know you do. But won't you like having a pool and a park really close?"

Robby shrugged non-committedly and Helen and Lindsay exchanged worried looks. Lindsay took her son from Helen and placed him on the ground, knowing that carrying Robby around wasn't good for either of them. "Robby, who're you here with," she asked. The park wasn't far from their apartment so she wasn't that worried, but Bobby hadn't mentioned anything about going out.

"Daddy and Uncle Mike," Robby answered as the men arrived.

Mike smiled at Helen and kissed her gently. "Hi, beautiful," he whispered. 

Helen blushed. "Hey. What are you three doing here?"

Mike took her bags in one hand and draped the other arm around her shoulder. "Manly stuff," he answered. 

Helen laughed and rolled her eyes as she wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. "You're not going to tell me?"

"Nope. What did you get?"

Helen blushed again. Despite what Lindsay had told her, she wasn't quite ready to admit to Mike that she was getting bigger. "Clothes," she answered. "I also bought a present for Robby."

"That was nice of you." Mike nuzzled her neck as Bobby and Lindsay watched Robby show them how high he could swing.

Helen was distracted watching her friends. They seemed so perfect together, so comfortable. She'd seen how Bobby had greeted Lindsay, kissing her, stroking her stomach as if to greet their children, then taking her bags. They looked so perfect, Bobby with his arm around Lindsay, her leaning into him as they watched Robby with smiles on their faces. She sometimes wondered if she and Mike would ever look that perfect together. Helen realized that Mike had asked her a question and responded with, "Huh?"

Mike repeated himself. "I asked what you wanted to do tonight?"

Helen shrugged. "Ellenor and Matt are going out again."

Mike's brow furrowed. "Isn't this like the third time this week?"

"Fourth," Helen answered.

"And she leaves you in charge of Zoe."

"I don't mind," Helen responded. "I love Zoe."

"I know you do honey, but she's Ellenor's responsibility and it's not fair for her to keep making you take care of her daughter."

Helen shook her head. "Really, it's okay."

Mike just nodded. "So you want to stay in then?"

Helen nodded. "I was going to make pasta, since Zoe likes it so much. Nothing big."

"Wanna rent a movie," Mike asked.

"What one? I don't want to watch some stupid movie where people get blown up all the time."

"I don't care. You pick."

Helen paused, thinking. "How about 'Armageddon'? There's action for you and romance for me."

"Don't you always cry at that movie?"

"Only sometimes," Helen defended. 

"That sounds good," Mike agreed. He glanced up at the sky. "Hey, we better get going, it's getting pretty cloudy."

Helen followed his gaze to the black clouds that were rolling in. "Okay. Let me say good bye to Bobby and Lindsay?"

"Sure." Mike followed her over to where their friends were gathering up Robby's toys. 

Helen hugged Lindsay good bye. "Thanks for...you know."

Lindsay nodded. "Anytime."

"And let me know if the," Helen paused, leaving a blank for the word 'cramps' "get any worse."

Lindsay nodded. "I will."

Mike glanced at Helen, then turned to Bobby. "Thanks for the advice."

"No problem. See you in a few weeks?"

"If not sooner," Mike agreed. He said good bye to Lindsay then and Robby before leading Helen out of the park and into a taxi to take them back to her apartment.

When Bobby and Lindsay finally got back to their apartment, Robby was tired from a long afternoon of playing with his father. They turned "Monsters, Inc." on for him and before Boo had even entered Monstropolis, the little boy was sound asleep on the couch. Lindsay was hanging up her dress when Bobby walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, or what had been her waist.

"Do I get a fashion show," he murmured in her ear.

Lindsay laughed softly. "No," she teased. "You can see me the night of the party."

Bobby sighed dejectedly. "But that's six weeks away, Lindsay."

"I know. It'll be good for you to work on your patience."

Bobby smiled and turned Lindsay in his arms so he was facing her. When he looked into her eyes, he was surprised to see uncertainty reflected in her blue eyes. "Lindsay? What's wrong?"

Lindsay sighed and shook her head. Hearing Helen talk about her doubts with Mike had raised Lindsay's doubts about Bobby. Part of her knew it was stupid to doubt him when time after time he'd told and shown her how much he loved her and that she was beautiful, but another part of her asked what if he'd been lying? She wasn't stupid, she knew that Bobby was very attractive and that women at the courthouse, actually everywhere they went, still looked at him and wanted him, despite the fact that he was married. 

Bobby saw something flash in Lindsay's eyes but couldn't figure out what it was. He gently cupped her chin and raised it so her eyes met his. "Baby, something's bothering you."

Lindsay shook her head again. "It's nothing."

Bobby let out a frustrated sigh and Lindsay moved to straighten the bed. "Lindsay, don't lie to me. I thought we were past that."

The hurt in his voice made Lindsay turn around in surprise. "I'm not lying, Bobby!"

"Yes you are. God, Linds. I've tried so hard to let you in and to tell you what I'm feeling. Why can't you do the same thing?"

Lindsay recoiled. Several months ago, she had been tired of Bobby shutting both she and Robby out and had nearly left him. In a last ditch effort, Bobby had promised to let her in but pointed out that she kept things inside too. They had both made a concerted effort in the past six months to open up to each other and the insinuation that she hadn't stung more than Lindsay had imagined it could.

"Fine," she snapped. "You really want to know what's wrong with me? Really?"

"Yes," Bobby exclaimed. 

"Fine! I'm afraid that you don't think I'm pretty enough or sexy enough or whatever anymore!"

Bobby stared at Lindsay in shock. "What? Why would you think that? Lindsay you're so beautiful and so sexy...how could you ever doubt that I know that?"

"Fine, right, make it all my fault," Lindsay spat out. "I see other women looking at you and I know what I look like now, I'm fat! I'm not exactly the woman you married..."

"Linds, you are," Bobby insisted. "And if other women look at me, I don't notice because YOU'RE the only woman that I'm looking at!" Lindsay looked at the ground, wanting to believe him, but not sure that she could. Bobby walked over and wrapped his arms around her, one hand resting on her stomach. "I love you Lindsay. And you ARE the woman I married. You're still the same smart, sexy, outgoing, wonderful woman that I fell in love with. Believe it or not, I didn't just marry you for your body. I love your body, I can't imagine waking up and not holding it in my arms. Of course it's changed recently, but we're going to have two babies. Your body will go back to how it was before, and even if it doesn't, if you spend the rest of our life together pregnant, I'll still love you and think that you are the most beautiful sexy woman in the world."

Lindsay looked up at him, almost afraid to hope that he was telling the truth. She didn't think she could bear it if he was lying to her. "Really," she asked softly.

"Really," Bobby assured her. He kissed her gently, first on the lips, then on the nose. "I love every part of your body. I love your freckles..." Lindsay blushed. She hated the dusting of freckles across her nose. Bobby continued his journey, kissing her shoulders then moving slowly down her arm, telling her that he loved each part that he kissed. When he reached her elbow, Lindsay moaned in pleasure and they both sank to the bed. Bobby worked his way back up the other arm, then began to unbutton her blouse, following his fingers with his lips. When he got to her bra, Lindsay arched her back and his fingers reached behind, expertly unfastening it and drawing it down. He then moved his lips to her breasts, knowing just how she liked to be kissed there. When he heard her hiss out a breath, Bobby just smiled and continued trailing his lips down her body to her stomach. His hands stroked reverently over the home of their children and he looked up at Lindsay, smiling softly. The look of love and amazement in her husband's eyes told Lindsay all she needed to know and she wondered how she could have ever doubted his love for her. Bobby bent and placed two kisses on her stomach. Before he could go any further though, they were interrupted by a knock on the door and the voice of their son.

"Mama? Daddy? Why's the door locked?"

Bobby jumped up as Linds quickly refastened her bra and buttoned her shirt as Bobby opened the door. Robby looked at both of his parents, confused. "Whatcha doing?"

"Uh," Lindsay answered. She wasn't sure what excuse to give for the door being locked. 

Bobby picked up his son and carried him to the bed where Lindsay still sat, one hand stroking her stomach in what was a nervous habit when she was pregnant. "Mama and I were taking a little nap. We saw how you fell asleep and we thought it would be a good idea if we took a nap too."

Robby nodded. "Can we go swimming?"

Bobby looked at Lindsay who nodded. "Sure, honey. We can go for a quick swim before dinner."

Robby climbed off of Bobby's lap and ran to his room to put his swimming suit on. Bobby turned to his wife who had begun digging around in a drawer. "Are you sure it's okay for him to swim? It looks like it's going to storm."

Lindsay rolled her eyes as she withdrew her swimming suit from the drawer. "Bobby, it's an indoor pool. We'll be fine."

Bobby watched his wife get dressed, then sighed. Lindsay turned to him, confused. "What?"

"You're wearing that?"

Lindsay looked down at the bright blue maternity suit that she'd put on. "Yeah. Why?"

Bobby walked around her to the dresser and began digging himself. In a few moments, he pulled out a black bikini that Lindsay had worn on their honeymoon. "I was thinking that I kind of missed this one."

Lindsay laughed and swatted his arm lightly. "In my condition, not on your life!" But then she smiled teasingly. "Maybe in a few months though..."

Bobby swooped in, wrapping one arm around her back and pulling her towards him for a deep kiss. When they pulled back, he smiled at her. "Never doubt me," he whispered.

Lindsay smiled. "I know. Sometimes, I don't think with my heart."

"Helen got to you didn't she," Bobby asked.

Lindsay blinked in surprise. "Why would you say that?"

"Well," Bobby tucked a strand of hair behind Lindsay's ear before continuing. "Mike mentioned something about Helen not being comfortable with being pregnant. You had lunch with Helen, then asked me that. It's a logical progression."

Lindsay sighed. "Yeah, I guess she did a little. I didn't mean for her to..."

"I know."

Lindsay leaned up and kissed Bobby gently. "I love you."

"Love you too." They went in search of Robby then, both feeling more secure than they had before.

Across town, Helen added pasta to the water that was boiling and sprinkled in a bit of salt before stirring it. Mike sat at the kitchen table with Zoe who was coloring. The little girl had informed him that he could help her, but so far "helping" meant handing her the colors that she wanted. As Mike watched the scene in front of him, he couldn't help but hope that this would be his future, sitting with his daughter and playing while Helen cooked dinner. Thinking of that though he laughed to himself. The only reason that Helen was cooking was that she was making macaroni and cheese. Otherwise Mike knew he'd be the chef in the house. But it was so simple, so nice to be there.

Zoe looked up at him and smiled. "Wanna pway Barbies?"

"Uh," Mike looked at Helen who smiled encouragingly at him. "Sure." Zoe grabbed his hand and led him to the living room where her Barbies were spread out on the floor. She took one with blonde hair and handed Mike one with red hair. Mike sat awkwardly on the ground and looked at the doll in his hand. "Now what do I do?"

"You hafta get her dwessed."

"Right." Mike looked at the pile of clothes and wondered what he'd gotten himself into.

Helen slid the rolls into the oven and glanced into the living room. The scene in front of her made her smile warmly. Mike was trying to put an outfit on one of Zoe's Barbie dolls, but was thus far unsuccessful. Seeing how great Mike was with Zoe, Helen couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to their own baby. She'd been a little nervous, not sure how Mike would react to being a father. But seeing him playing dolls assuaged all of her fears. She walked into the living room and smiled down at them. "Are we having a little problem here," she asked with a laugh.

Mike scooted over and patted the ground next to him. Helen carefully lowered herself and he handed her the Barbie. "I can't seem to get her clothes on."

Helen leaned over and whispered in his ear, "But you're great at getting them off."

Mike nearly groaned and Helen laughed as she dressed the Barbie and handed her back to Mike who turned to her. "Now what?"

Helen sighed. "Haven't you ever played Barbies before?"

"No," Mike responded emphatically. "Never. I played G.I. Joes."

Helen rolled her eyes and took the doll from Mike. "Watch." She made the doll walk over to Zoe's and said, "Hi, Barbie. What are we going to do today?"

"We're gonna go to the zoo," Zoe made her Barbie exclaim. 

Mike leaned back and watched the scene unfold in front of him, enjoying watching Helen and Zoe interact. After awhile, he stood up and went to check on their dinner. The macaroni was almost ready so he made salads for himself and Helen and cut up an apple for Zoe. He drained the pasta, added the cheese, milk, and butter, then pulled the rolls out of the oven and served everyone before calling into the living room, "Ladies, dinner's ready."

Zoe raced to the table, but Helen sent her a look. "Come on Zoe, we need to wash your hands." The little girl sighed but followed Helen out of the room. They were back in a few minutes and sat down for dinner. 

They ate in silence for awhile before Zoe looked up at Mike curiously. "Are you and Hewen gonna get married?"

Mike stopped and lowered the piece of roll that he'd been about to eat. "Maybe. I hope so, because I love Helen very much."

"What about the baby," Zoe asked. "Are you the baby's daddy?"

Mike and Helen exchanged confused looks, both wondering where this was coming from. "I sure am," Mike answered. "And I love the baby very much, too."

Zoe glanced from one to the other. "Will you live wif us then?"

"Well, we haven't really discussed it," Mike stammered, wondering why he was so nervous about being put on the spot by a three-year-old.

"Zoe, eat your apple honey," Helen reminded her. Mike shot Helen a grateful look and they returned to their meal. 

As Mike cleaned up the kitchen and living room, Helen gave Zoe a bath and got her ready for bed. He'd just finished when Zoe raced out of her bedroom wearing a Jessie the Cowgirl nightgown and jumped on the couch. 

"Can we have popcorn an' a movie," she asked as Helen followed her into the room at a more sedate pace.

Helen glanced at the clock and, seeing that it was only 7:00 nodded. "Sure. What do you want to watch?"

"Toy Story 2!" Zoe yelled.

Helen laughed. "Why am I not surprised?" 'Toy Story 2' was currently Zoe's favorite movie. Jessie the Cowgirl was her hero, at least that week. 

"Can I have a soda," Zoe asked hopefully.

"Uh...you can have Sprite," Helen said. The last thing that Zoe needed was caffeine. Mike threw a bag of popcorn into the microwave while Helen poured half of a Sprite into a sippy cup for Zoe. They sat down on either side of Zoe. By the time Buzz and the gang had burst into Al's office to save Woody, Zoe was sound asleep in Helen's lap. Mike carefully laid the popcorn on the ground and took Zoe from Helen. He carried her into her room and laid her on her bed. Helen tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. She straightened and Mike laid his arm around her shoulders.

"I can't believe in a few months, we're going to have one of those," he whispered.

Helen smiled, her hand resting on her stomach. "I know. It doesn't seem real, does it?"

"I can't wait though," Mike said and Helen smiled in agreement as they slipped out of the room, leaving the door cracked open and the nightlight on. After cleaning up from the movie, Mike and Helen went to her room to watch a movie. But half way through 'Armageddon', both Helen and Mike were sound asleep. 

Helen woke up with a start, unaware of what had woken her. She waited and a boom of thunder echoed throughout the apartment, followed by a sob. Helen jumped out of bed and rushed down the hall, wearing only Mike's old dress shirt that she'd stolen. She found Zoe standing in Ellenor's room, sobbing and clutching her stuffed bunny. Helen immediately crouched next to the little girl, wrapping her arms around her. "Zoe, honey what's wrong?"

"It tundered," Zoe answered through her sobs. "I want Mommy."

Helen stood, still holding Zoe in her arms. "I know you do honey," she soothed as she walked back to Zoe's room and sat with her in the rocking chair. "It's okay, the thunder can't hurt you. It's just really loud."

"It's scary," Zoe sniffed.

"I know it is," Helen murmured.

"Where's Mommy," Zoe whimpered, still clinging to Helen. Every clap of thunder, the little girl jumped and clung tighter. 

"Mommy's out with Uncle Matt, remember? But Mike and I are here," Helen said. Mentally she was cursing Ellenor for not being there. Not that Helen minded taking care of Zoe or losing sleep, but Zoe really wanted her mommy right then, not Helen. 

Mike woke up and, wondering where Helen was, wandered into the hall. He followed the sound of Helen's voice and found her sitting in Zoe's room in the rocking chair with Zoe on her lap. "Hey. What's going on," he whispered.

Helen looked up and smiled. "The thunder woke her up."

"It's scary," Zoe said again.

Mike crouched next to them and stroked a hand over Zoe's hair. "You know what thunder is, Zoe?"

Zoe shook her head and Helen held her breath, hoping that Mike wouldn't give some long scientific answer. 

"When it thunders," he said softly. "It means that the angels are bowling in Heaven."

Zoe stared at him with big eyes. "Really?"

"Uh-huh."

"They're noisy."

Mike and Helen laughed. "Well have you ever been to a bowling alley," he asked. Zoe shook her head. "It's pretty loud. Maybe Helen and I will take you sometime." Zoe nodded and yawned, cuddling close to Helen.

"Are you ready to go back to sleep, Miss Zoe," Helen asked.

Zoe looked up at her with huge brown eyes. "Can I sleep with you? Mommy lets me when I'm scared."

Helen sighed. "Sure."

Mike bent to carry Zoe but she refused to let go of Helen. Helen shrugged and carried Zoe into her room and laid her down in the middle of the bed before sliding in next to her.

"Do you have Mr. Bunny," Helen asked. Zoe nodded and curled up next to Helen who smiled and drew her close. 

"Night Hewen," Zoe whispered as Mike climbed in the other side of the bed. 

"Night, sweetie," Helen answered. She scooted over slightly and reached out for Mike's hand. Mike linked his fingers with Helen's and brought them to his lips.

"Good night, beautiful. I love you," he whispered.

Helen smiled. "Love you, too." 

The next morning Helen and Mike made breakfast and waited for Ellenor to get home. She finally came through the door at 9:00. Helen glanced up from the puzzle they were working on and glared at her roommate. Zoe looked up too and jumped up from the table, running full speed at Ellenor who picked her up and hugged her tightly.

"I missed you, Mommy! There was tunder an' wightning. It was scary."

"I'm sorry baby," Ellenor said. "I didn't mean to be gone so long."

Mike stood up and took Zoe from Ellenor. "Why don't we go feed the ducks in the park, Zoe?"

"I wanna stay wif Mommy," Zoe objected.

Ellenor looked at Mike, clearly wondering what he was doing. "She can stay here."

"Zoe, I think that Helen and your mommy need to have a grown up talk."

Ellenor looked at her roommate who still didn't look happy. "Zoe, honey go with Mike to feed the ducks, then we can call one of your friends and see if they want to come over, okay?"

Zoe nodded and ran to get bread. She loved feeding the ducks. She raced back into the living room and took Mike's hand. "Bye, Mommy! Bye, Hewen!"

"Bye Zoe," both women called. 

As soon as the door closed, Ellenor turned to Helen. "What?"

Helen stared a her incredulously. "What do you mean what? It was storming last night. *Your daughter* is terrified of storms. She woke up in the middle of the night, terrified, and she wanted her mother. But YOU weren't here!"

"I'm sorry she was such an inconvenience," Ellenor huffed. "I'm sure YOUR child will never wake you up at night. If you're going to be that selfish, I don't even want to think about what kind of mother you'll make!"

Helen recoiled, stung. "At least I'll remember I have a child and not go off screwing some guy, leaving her upbringing to other people!"

"Can't I have a personal life? Aren't I entitled to that even," Ellenor screamed back. "I finally meet a guy who loves not only me, but my daughter, and you don't want me to spend any time with him!"

"Ellenor I'm thrilled that you found Matt. I think you deserve someone like him. But last night was the fourth time this week that you left Zoe here so you could be with him. She doesn't understand why you're not around as much anymore, and it scares her. I know you're happy with Matt, but would it kill you to spend a night here?"

"Look, if you're tired of watching her or it's too big of a problem, I'm sorry. I'll see if Bobby and Lindsay can watch her. I thought you loved Zoe..."

"I do," Helen interrupted. "And don't you DARE try to turn this into something that's my fault! I don't mind watching Zoe occasionally, I love spending time with her. But she needs you, Ellenor!"

"If I'm not with Matt, he'll find somebody better," Ellenor screamed, then realized what she'd said. 

Helen stared at her, open mouthed. "Did he tell you that?"

"Of course not," Ellenor snapped. 

"Then why on Earth would you think it? He gets along great with Zoe."

"You don't understand what it's like Helen. You can get a guy just by looking at him. I can't. And now, I've found a good one. I'm afraid that if I'm not with him for a night, he'll find someone younger and prettier."

"Ellenor," Helen's voice had softened considerably. "Matt loves you, that's not going to go away if you don't see him for one night. Or have him come here, I'll stay in my room. But you can't keep abandoning Zoe. There are times, like last night, that no matter how much she loves me, she needs you."

Ellenor sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it was going to storm. I'll try to spend more nights here, okay?"

Helen nodded. "Okay. I'm just...I'm worried about Zoe."

"I know you are." Ellenor paused awkwardly. "What I said before, about not wanting to see what kind of mother you'll be, I'm sorry. I was angry. You'll be a great mom. You've always been wonderful with Zoe and Robby."

Helen nodded. "No problem," she said softly. "I'm going to go lay down until Mike gets back."

Ellenor nodded, knowing that she'd hurt Helen with the accusation that she'd be a bad mother. She just didn't know how to fix it.

Helen laid down on her bed, thinking about what Ellenor had said. She knew that her roommate had yelled in anger, but Ellenor had struck pretty close to a very vulnerable nerve. Helen knew that she tended to be selfish but she hoped that she'd be able to put that aside for her child's sake. Helen rolled onto her side and rested a hand on her stomach. "Hey in there," she whispered to her child. "Look, I know that I may not be the world's best mother, but it won't be because I'm not trying or because I don't love you. I do love you, more than I ever thought was possible, especially since you're not even born yet. And I'm going to do the best that I can." Helen sighed sadly. "I just hope it's good enough."

Helen didn't see Mike standing outside the door. "It is, honey," he whispered. He wasn't stupid, he knew that Helen saw his attempts to reassure her as simply humoring her, but Mike knew that, despite her doubts, she'd be a good mother. "You'll do great."


	14. Change of Pace Chapter 13

Over the next few weeks, Helen tried to let Mike in more. But despite her best efforts, she still panicked if it looked like he was going to touch anyplace that she'd gained weight. Mike tried to be understanding. He gave her back rubs and took advantage of everywhere that she let him touch her, whether it was kissing her shoulder or stroking her cheek, any touching at all Mike figured would help her. He also made sure to tell her regularly that she was beautiful and that he loved her. Helen appreciated the steps and Mike's patience but didn't have the confidence to let him in anymore. A part of her was still convinced that the second he saw that she was no longer as slim as she'd been when they'd started dating, he'd withdraw from her in horror. Mike had decided that after they helped Bobby and Lindsay move, he was taking her on a vacation somewhere it could be just the two of them and they could reconnect. Helen, of course, didn't know about this plan.

The day of the move, Mike woke Helen up with a kiss before hurrying her out of bed so they could stop and get breakfast before heading over to Bobby and Lindsay's. Ellenor had listened to Helen and Helen now spent more nights at Mike's so Matt could stay at their place. Ellenor and Zoe were going to meet Mike and Helen there.

Across town, Lindsay woke up and, being careful not to wake Bobby, slid out of bed and walked into the living room. She looked around at the empty room. All of their belongings were already packed in boxes except for the furniture, obviously, and things that they were still using like dishes. A sudden wave of sadness came over her as it sank in what they were doing. Suddenly, she remembered the first time she'd been in the apartment. They'd been working on a case and at the time. A few weeks later, they'd started being "recreational" and had spent many weekends in the apartment, shut off from the world. It had been wonderful. Lindsay was brought back to the present when a set of arms slid around her waist. 

"What are you doing up?" Bobby whispered against her neck.

Lindsay leaned into him and sighed. "I was just thinking about the move."

"Excited?" Bobby asked softly.

"I guess," Lindsay answered, not sounding sure at all.

"Hey," Bobby turned her in his arms and stroked a knuckle gently down her cheek. "What's going on in your head?"

Lindsay sighed. "It just sunk in today."

"What did?"

"That we're leaving. This was our first apartment, where I fell in love with you, where I wanted to go when I'd been stabbed, where we spent our wedding night, where our babies were conceived, where we brought Robby home to and where he had all of his firsts...and tomorrow some other family is going to move in here and it won't be ours anymore." Lindsay's voice had gotten softer as she was speaking and when she finished, tears were welled in her eyes.

Bobby drew her closer and Lindsay gripped the back of his shirt tightly. "I know honey. I'm going to miss it too. Do you want to not move?"

Lindsay shook her head, which was buried in Bobby's chest. "We have to, and I think we're ready to. I'm just not sure I'm ready to let go yet." 

Bobby nodded. "Linds, are you going to forget those things when we move to the new house?"

Lindsay pulled back and looked at Bobby, shocked. "Of course not! How could you even think that?"

Bobby laughed slightly. "I didn't really. But you don't need the apartment to remind you of our wedding night or when we brought Robby home or all of his firsts. And we have so many more things that'll happen in the new house! Bringing the babies home, Robby's first day of kindergarten, our other babies..."

"Other babies?" Lindsay asked with a laugh.

"Our first night in the new house, christening every room," Bobby continued with a mischievous smile. 

Lindsay smiled up at him. "That does sound nice...though I'm not sure we'll make it to every room."

"I am," Bobby grinned. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah," Lindsay nodded. "I'll still miss it."

"So will I." Bobby smiled tenderly down at her. "This is where you came back to me and gave me another chance to prove how much I love you."

"How much?" Lindsay asked with a smile. It was an old question that they both asked, even though they already knew the answer.

"More than anything," Bobby promised. 

"Enough to make me pancakes for breakfast?"

"Thank you for making me feel better," Lindsay said with a smile as she rose on her toes and kissed him. "You're too good to me. I love you."

"I love you," Bobby responded. "Now get moving, everyone will be here in an hour."

"Yes sir," Lindsay said with a smile. As she turned to leave, Bobby gently swatted her behind and Lindsay turned to give him a warning look. "You better not start anything you can't finish Mr. Donnell."

"Oh, I bet I could finish Mrs. Donnell," Bobby started walking slowly towards her.

Lindsay began backing up slowly. "Bobby, they're going to be here in an hour and we both know that your father will probably be early. And I want my breakfast!"

Bobby laughed. "Thinking with your stomach again?"

"I'm six months pregnant, of course I am!"

"Okay, you'll get your pancakes." Bobby walked into the kitchen while Lindsay hurried into the shower. By the time she was out and dressed in khaki capri pants and a lavender tank top with her hair pulled into a ponytail and light make up on, Robby was awake. Lindsay dressed her son and they both walked into the kitchen where Bobby had pancakes ready for all of them. After eating, Lindsay cleaned up the kitchen while Bobby took Robby into his room to finish packing. 

A few minutes before 9, the doorbell rang and Lindsay opened it to reveal Helen in the denim capris she'd bought a few weeks before and a red sleeveless shirt. Mike was standing behind her carrying a bag from Krispy Kreme. Lindsay let them in, hugged Helen, kissed Mike's cheek and eyed the bag hungrily.

"Oh, why did you bring me those? I just had breakfast and now I want one!"

Helen laughed. "We thought that everyone could use something to keep them going. How's the packing coming?"

"Good. There's a few things in Robby's room still out and in our room and the dishes. That's about it though."

"What do you need me to do?" Mike asked.

"There're boxes in our room that need to be brought out. Bobby won't let me carry anything!"

"And with good reason," Mike answered. "You're both going to supervise today and that's all! No lifting."

"Mike," Helen sighed. "I'm perfectly capable of carrying something."

"No. And I bet that everyone'll agree with me, too."

Helen rolled her eyes. "Fine. Where's my favorite nephew?"

"He's helping Bobby pack up some things. Robby! Come here, honey!"

Robby ran out of his room and launched himself at Helen. "Hi Tee! Are you gonna play with me today?"

Helen laughed. "Maybe later. I'm going to help you guys move to the new house, okay?"

Robby nodded. "Will you play with me there?"

"Of course I will, honey. I brought you a present."

"Really? What is it? Can I have it now?"

Helen led Robby to the couch and sat down. The little boy climbed up next to her and Helen handed him the book she's brought before, wrapped in dinosaur paper. Robby immediately tore into it, throwing the wrappings on the floor. He held up the book and looked at Helen.

"What's it say, Tee?"

"It says 'God Gave Us Two'," Helen explained. "Do you want me to read it to you?"

Robby nodded and snuggled close and Helen began reading the story of a little boy bear whose mother was going to have a baby. His parents explained that God had given them two children, the little boy and his new brother or sister. Then at the end, the mother bear had twins and the little boy's response was "God gave us three!" 

Robby smiled up at Helen. "His mommy had two babies like mine is!"

"Yes she did," Helen answered. "You like it?"

"Yeah," Robby exclaimed. 

Lindsay, who'd been listening, smiled. "What do you say to Auntie Helen, Robby?"

"Thank you," Robby said, wrapping his arms around Helen's neck.

Helen hugged him back. "You're welcome, baby."

"Can I go show Daddy?"

"Sure you can," Helen said setting the boy on the ground. "Your mommy and I are going to go pack up her room, okay?"

Robby nodded and ran off yelling, "Look what Tee gave me, Daddy!"

Helen and Lindsay walked into the darkened bedroom where they began packing the few things that were left, mostly stripping the bed and such. Bobby came in to take a box when Lindsay caught her breath and rested a hand on her stomach.

"Linds? Are you okay, honey?"

Lindsay glanced up at him and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. The babies are kicking, that's all."

Bobby smiled tenderly, resting a hand next to hers. "They're active, that's for sure."

Lindsay smiled weakly. "Yeah. I just hope they're not kicking each other in there."

Bobby kissed her lightly. "Practicing their soccer skills."

Lindsay laughed slightly and Bobby left with the box. When he was gone Helen looked at Lindsay accusingly. "You had another cramp, didn't you?" Lindsay sighed, but didn't answer. "Are you still getting them?!" Helen exclaimed in a whisper.

"Once in awhile," Lindsay admitted reluctantly.

"And you still haven't told Bobby?"

"No, I haven't. I'm not going to, either. I'm sure they're nothing." 

But Helen wasn't sure if Lindsay wasn't trying to convince her or herself. "Linds, you have to tell him! He deserves to know!"

Lindsay sighed tiredly. These were the same arguments she'd been having with herself. "I don't want to worry him, Helen. I'm sure it's just the stress of the move and everything. It'll calm down after we're settled into the new house."

"And if they don't you'll tell him or at least go to a doctor?"

"Yes," Lindsay said. "I promise, if they're not gone in a week or two I'll tell him."

Helen sighed. "Fine. I'm worried about you."

Lindsay smiled and walked over to Helen, sliding an arm around her shoulders and squeezing gently. "I'm okay, I promise."

"I don't want anything to happen to you."

"It won't," Lindsay promised. "I'll be fine." She moved back to the box she was packing. "Are things better with you and Mike?"

Helen shrugged. "I don't know. I'm trying to let him in more...but every time I think I'm going to do it, I'll let him touch me or see me, I panic. I want to get over this, I just can't!"

Lindsay smiled in sympathy. "You'll let him in again, I know you will. When you're ready. How's he being with it?"

Helen sighed sadly. "He's being great about it, so patient with me and everything. But every once in a while I catch him looking at me, you know when I turn around? And he looks so confused and hurt. I hate to think that I'm hurting him..."

"He understands, Helen. He wouldn't want you to come to him if you weren't 100% comfortable with it, I'm sure of it."

Helen smiled weakly. "I'm working on it though. He keeps telling me that he loves me and I'm beautiful. He's been great with the boundaries I've set. He even rubbed my feet last night."

"Aw," Lindsay sighed. "Bobby does that for me sometimes. See? He really loves you."

Helen's smile became stronger. "Yeah."

The women were interrupted when Stephen, Bobby's father poked his head into the room. "There she is," he said with a smile. "My favorite daughter-in-law."

Lindsay grinned and walked over, hugging Stephen and kissing his cheek. "Hi, Stephen. Thanks for helping. How are you?"

"I'm fine, honey," Stephen said with a smile. "How are you?"

Lindsay rested a hand on her stomach. "We're doing great."

"Still haven't beaten me," Stephen teased as he patted his own stomach with a smile.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Lindsay laughed.

Stephen laughed as well before turning to Helen. "And how's my son's main opponent?"

"I'm fine, Stephen," Helen answered with a grin as she also kissed Stephen's cheek. They'd become fairly close since they saw each other at most of Bobby and Lindsay's get togethers. Helen had begun to think of Stephen as family and she'd spent the previous Christmas with them since her parents were on a cruise and Mike had been in Chicago.

"Congratulations on your new addition," Stephen added.

"Oh, thanks. We're really excited."

"I'm sure you are. Well, I'll leave you ladies to packing, I just wanted to say hello before I start helping the men moving boxes."

"Don't so too much, Stephen," Lindsay warned. "You could keep an eye on Robby and Zoe, keep them out of our hair for us."

"Robby's looking at a book while he devours a doughnut. But I might do that."

Lindsay nodded. "We'll be out soon."

It didn't take long to finish packing and Lindsay and Helen began supervising the loading of everything into the moving van. The rest of the firm had arrived and Eugene and Jimmy had begun helping Bobby and Mike carry everything downstairs. Ellenor and Bec were carrying the smaller boxes while Lucy and Stephen entertained the kids. The new furniture for the living room, dining room, and bedrooms was already in and the rooms had been wallpapered, painted, and carpeted. All that needed to be done was setting up the guest room and the family room. The other furniture was going into storage except for their old bed which would go in the guest room and the living room furniture which was going in the family room. When everything was in the van and cars, Lindsay looked around. 

"Where's Robby?"

Bobby stopped. "What do you mean?"

"He's not here," Lindsay's voice raised slightly in panic.

"Okay, let's check the rest of the apartment. We would have seen him leave."

Lindsay nodded and she and Bobby set off towards the back of the apartment. Lindsay peeked into Robby's room and stopped. "Oh, Robby," she whispered. Robby was sitting in the corner with his knees curled to his chest and his stuffed bear clenched in his arms and his face buried in his knees. Hearing his mother's voice, Robby looked up with tear stained cheeks. "Baby," Lindsay said softly as she walked into the room and sat next to her son. Robby crawled into her lap and wrapped his arms around her neck.

"I don't wanna move. I like this house."

"I know you do. You're going to like the new house too."

"What if there's monsters," Robby whispered.

Lindsay smiled and kissed Robby's head. "There's no monsters."

"How do you know?"

Bobby smiled as he walked in and sat next to Lindsay on the floor, wrapping his arm around both of them. "Because I checked the whole house last time we went over there. No monsters anywhere, I promise. Ready to go see your new bedroom? Mama has it all ready for you. But you can put your books up and your toys, okay?"

Robby nodded slowly. "Can we go swimming?"

Bobby and Lindsay laughed. "Maybe tomorrow, buddy," Bobby said. Bobby stood and helped Lindsay stand as well. He took Robby from her and settled him on his hip, kissing Robby's cheek then the top of Lindsay's head. "Let's go." 

They walked back into the living room and joined the rest of the group. They divided into cars and began driving to Bobby and Lindsay's new house in Stoneham. Lindsay had carefully labeled every box with the room it was supposed to go in and had put signs on every room as well. When they pulled up, Lindsay helped Robby out of his car seat and he clung to her hand as they walked to the front door. Bobby and Lindsay had brought him over to visit the house several times, but it was different to visit and to know that this was where he was living. As they opened the door, Bobby smiled down at his son.

"Can you go on inside? I want to tell Mama something."

Robby nodded slowly and walked in. Lindsay turned Bobby. "Wha-?"

Bobby smiled and wrapped one arm around her back and the other under her knees, lifting her to his chest. "I'm carrying you across the threshold."

"Bobby!" Lindsay squealed as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and the other cars began pulling up with their friends and family who watched the scene in amusement. "That's on your wedding night! Put me down before you throw your back out!"

Bobby laughed. "I'm not going to throw my back out, though it's nice to know you have such a high opinion of my strength that you don't think I can carry my wife."

"Your **very pregnant** wife! Bobby, I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I won't," Bobby promised. He held her closer and carried her through the door, depositing her gently on the ground.

Lindsay smiled up at him and brushed her lips over his. "Thank you, that was very sweet and very chivalrous."

Bobby kissed her back. "I try." He turned to Robby who was staring at them with big eyes. "You want to go see your new room, buddy?"

Robby nodded and slipped his hand through his father's and they walked up the stairs, Lindsay following behind. Lucy had finished painting both Robby's room and the nursery about a week before and Lindsay and Bobby had gone over one night and gotten both rooms ready. Of course, Robby's toys and books were still packed but at least Robby wasn't going into an empty room. Bobby opened the door and Robby walked in. He turned in a circle before looking at his parents, excited. "It looks like Fenway!"

Bobby and Lindsay laughed. "Yep," Lindsay said. "Lucy painted it for you."

"Wow! An' there's baseballs an' everything!"

"You like it," Bobby asked with a smile.

Robby nodded his head up and down violently. "It's cool," he said happily. "Can I show Zoe?"

"Sure," Lindsay said as she ruffled his hair. "But no jumping on your new bed, okay?"

"K Mama!" Robby raced out of his room and down the stairs to find his friend. Bobby and Lindsay smiled at each other. Robby seemed much happier about the move now. They both followed their son downstairs and while Bobby helped with the unloading, Lindsay began to unpack things. She started in Robby's room, wanting to get it set up for him first. Then she began putting dishes away with Helen and Lucy's help. Around lunch time, Stephen left and came back with fried chicken, potato salad, pasta salad, fruit salad, and disposable flatware. Everyone took a break to eat lunch then began working again. 

During lunch, Robby and Zoe had barely been able to keep their eyes open. It was a big day for two three-year-olds. Lindsay threw out her plate and Robby's before picking him up.

"I'm going to take someone upstairs for a little n-a-p."

"No nap," Robby murmured, already half asleep on Lindsay's shoulder.

Ellenor nodded. "Miss Zoe could use one too."

"I'll take her," Helen volunteered, lifting the little girl into her arms. 

Ellenor smiled. "Thanks."

Helen kissed Zoe's head lightly. "No problem." She and Lindsay walked upstairs and Helen paused, turning to her friend. "Where should we put them?"

"How about my room? The bed's big enough for both of them."

Helen nodded and they laid both kids down on Lindsay's bed. Lindsay kissed Robby good night but he grabbed onto her shirt. "Stay with me?"

"Me too?" Zoe asked grabbing onto Helen.

Lindsay sighed. "Okay, we'll stay until you guys fall asleep."

Lindsay and Helen laid down with the children between them. Lindsay sighed thankfully. Her back hurt, her feet hurt, and she was tired. Maybe she'd close her eyes for just a few minutes...

Robby sat up and turned to see his mother sound asleep next to him. He looked over at Zoe who was also awake. "Is Tee asleep?" he whispered. Zoe nodded. "Wanna go play?" he asked. Zoe nodded again and they crept carefully off the bed, knowing that if the adults were woken up, Robby and Zoe would have to take a nap. 

Two hours later, Bobby glanced at the clock. "Hey Eugene, have you seen Lindsay?"

Eugene paused in trying to set up the stereo. "Not since she took Robby up to nap."

"Neither have I."

Mike came in then with Jimmy. They'd just finished moving everything into the family room and setting up the family room. "We're done in there," Mike said. "Hey, where's Helen?"

Bobby and Eugene traded looks. "We were just wondering the same thing about Lindsay. The last time any of us saw them, they were putting the kids down."

"Maybe they're upstairs with the kids," Jimmy suggested. Bobby and Mike nodded, heading upstairs to check. 

Bobby poked his head into the master bedroom and smiled. Helen and Lindsay were both sound asleep, curled up on the bed. "Hey Mike," he whispered. 

Mike followed Bobby's gaze and laughed softly. "I guess they were tired."

"Where are the kids?"

Mike held up a finger and, listening closely, Bobby could hear giggling coming from Robby's room. "Sounds like they're doing okay," Mike whispered. "Should we wake them up?" he asked motioning towards the women. 

Bobby nodded. "Lindsay'll be mad if we don't."

Bobby and Mike crept to the sides of the bed and sat down carefully. "Helen," Mike whispered as he stroked a finger down her cheek. "Wake up, honey. Nap time's over."

Helen blinked her eyes open slowly and looked around, slightly confused. "Huh?"

"You fell asleep," Mike explained.

Across the bed, Bobby was rubbing Lindsay's back. "Lindsay," he called softly. "Time to get up, sweetheart."

Lindsay rolled over and looked into her husband's eyes. "I fell asleep?"

"You sure did," Bobby said, bending to kiss her gently. 

"How long did we sleep?" Helen asked.

"About two hours," Mike said with a smile.

"Oh God. Where are the kids?" Lindsay sat up quickly but Bobby held her back.

"Relax honey. They're playing in Robby's room and everything sounds perfectly fine."

Lindsay sighed in relief. "Well I should probably get back downstairs. I'm not being a very good hostess sleeping."

"Everyone understands," Bobby said as he helped her stand.

Mike pulled Helen to her feet and hugged her briefly before slipping his arm around her and leading her back downstairs. "Did you have a nice nap?" he asked softly.

Helen nodded. "I didn't realize how tired I was until I laid down. I was just going to rest for a few minutes..."

Mike laughed. "The joys of being pregnant."

Helen and Mike were putting boxes of things in the babies' room a few hours later when Helen felt a fluttering in her stomach. She gasped and cupped her stomach with a smile on her face.

Mike looked at her, instantly worried. "Helen? Are you okay?"

Helen grinned at him. "I'm great! The baby moved!" 

"She did," Mike asked with a smile blooming on his face.

Helen nodded. "Come here." Without thinking twice, she grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach, right over where the baby was kicking.

Mike stared at Helen in awe as he felt the first movements of their child. "Wow," he said with a soft smile. "That's amazing."

"Isn't it?" Helen beamed. Mike nodded, then realized that Helen had done what she most feared, she'd let him touch her somewhere she felt unattractive. Taking advantage of the opportunity, he knelt in front of her and pressed a gentle kiss to her stomach. Helen froze, realizing what she'd done, then smiled broadly. She ran a hand over Mike's hair and he smiled up at her.

"You are so beautiful," he said, his voice hoarse. 

Helen smiled, suddenly wanting to be alone with her boyfriend more than anything. She wanted to share her pregnancy with him, the whole thing. His one act of kissing her stomach had dispelled the last of her fears. She pulled on Mike's hands and he stood up, enveloping her in a hug. "Let's get out of here," she said softly. "I missed you."

Mike smiled cautiously. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure," Helen assured him with a grin.

"Okay," Mike agreed. They headed to find Bobby and Lindsay and tell them that they were going home. 

Lindsay hugged Helen goodbye and pulled back, looking her friend in the eye. "Are you okay?"

"I'm great," Helen answered honestly. "Take care of yourself," she added pointedly.

"I will," Lindsay promised. "We should have lunch this week."

"Okay, that sounds good. Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure."

Helen and Mike left and not long after they did everyone else headed home too. Ellenor and Zoe were spending the night at Matt's alone and Helen was glad. She wanted to have alone time with Mike. When they arrived back at the apartment, Helen smiled shyly at Mike. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous around him. 

Mike, picking up on her mood, smiled. "Why don't we order dinner?"

"Don't you want to..."

"Of course I do." He walked over to Helen and kissed her gently. "We have all night honey. We'll eat dinner and if you're still sure you want to..."

"I will be," Helen said with a smile. 

"Just to be sure then. And," Mike smiled teasingly. "You're going to need to keep up your strength."

Helen laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Promises, promises."

Mike kissed her, his tongue brushing over her lips until she opened her mouth, allowing him entrance. Their tongues danced around each other until Helen moaned and pulled back. "You better order the pizza if you want to eat before we start, because if we don't stop now I don't know if I'll be able to."

Mike smiled and kissed her lightly. "What do you want on the pizza?"

"Spinach," Helen answered immediately. "And mushrooms and sausage."

Mike laughed. "That's a new one."

Helen blushed. "The baby wants it."

"Well then, by all means we can't have the baby going hungry." Mike called and placed their order. "I can go pick it up in half an hour."

"Okay. While you're getting it, I'll make us a salad."

"Sounds good to me," Mike said. He left a few minutes later to drive to the pizza place.

When he was gone, Helen threw in a couple CDs while she was making their salad and setting the table. A couple songs in, "All That Jazz" came on. Helen grinned and hurried to the stereo to turn up the volume. She loved that song.

"Come on babe, why don't we paint the town/And all that jazz," she sang loudly as she danced around the kitchen, wiggling her hips enthusiastically. 

Mike walked in the apartment and stopped. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Helen was standing with her back to him, singing loudly and wiggling around, apparently how the singer did in the show. 

"Start the car, I know a whoopee spot/where the gin is cold but the piano's hot. It's just a noisy hall/ where there's a nightly brawl and all that jazz!"

When the song ended with Helen striking a dramatic pose, Mike couldn't help himself. He began clapping. Helen whirled around, her cheeks bright red. "I...I didn't know you were home."

Mike raised his eyebrows. "I figured you didn't. That's a quite a show."

Helen turned even more red. "How much did you see?"

Mike smiled. "About two stanzas. I didn't know you can sing. And I liked your dance." Mike wiggled his hips in imitation.

Helen sighed as she put their salad on the table along with a glass of milk for her and a soda for Mike. "We did that show when I was in law school. I was Velma."

"Which one's Velma?" Mike asked, setting out the pizza.

"Catherine Zeta-Jones played her in the movie."

Mike nodded. He'd never seen it, but he remembered the commercials. They ate dinner quickly, both wanting to get it over with. Mike cleaned up the kitchen and Helen went into her bedroom. She grabbed a blue satin teddy and a matching robe and went into the bathroom to change. The teddy fell over her, dipping low over her breasts and draping over her stomach, not too tightly but not hiding it either. She slid the robe on over it, freshened up her make up and brushed her hair and her teeth when she heard Mike enter the bedroom. She put down the hair brush and looked in the mirror. She took a deep breath. She could do this, she wanted to do this. 

Mike was laying on the bed with the bedside lamp on when the bathroom door opened and Helen walked out. Mike felt his breath catch in his throat. He stood slowly and walked towards her. "You look so beautiful," he said softly as he framed her face with his hands and kissed her.

Helen smiled nervously. "You haven't seen all of me yet."

"Can I?" Mike asked. Helen nodded and he moved his hands down to the belt of the robe, untying it and opening it so it slid down her shoulders, pooling on the floor. Mike could almost see Helen holding her breath. He smiled and reached out, gently stroking a hand over her belly. "You are so so beautiful." He looked at her face, and smiled. 

Helen wanted to believe him so badly. He stroked a hand down her cheek and leaned in, kissing her hungrily. Helen responded and he slid his hand down her body, appreciating her new curves as he did so. His fingers reached for the bottom of her teddy and slowly drew it up her body. They broke apart and he pulled it over her head. 

Helen paused, her heart seemingly frozen in her chest as Mike let his gaze wander up and down her body, seeing her for the first time in more than two months. The changes were undeniable, her breasts were much larger. That and her stomach sticking out were the most obvious changes. She watched Mike's face carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. Mike stroked a finger lightly over her breast before cupping it in his hand. He looked at Helen and smiled. That smile was all Helen needed. 

Mike drew her back to the bed and she followed easily. He sat down and drew her down next to him, kissing her gently at first, then more passionately. They lay back on the bed and Mike let his hands run over Helen's skin refamiliarizing himself with her body and learning its new curves and contours. As he rained kisses over her shoulders and began working his way downward, Helen busied herself with his shirt, getting it up over his head. He finally pulled it off himself and Helen went to work on his belt and shorts. They were quickly kicked off the bed as soon as she got them undone. Helen wrapped her legs around Mike's waist and began pushing down his boxer shorts. Mike moaned. 

Suddenly, they were interrupted by a ringing phone. Mike groaned, this time in frustration. "That's my cell."

"You should get it," Helen said. "It could be important."

"It might not be," Mike said hopefully. 

"If it's not, I'll be right here waiting," Helen purred.

Mike jumped off the bed and grabbed the phone from the pocket of his shorts. "Maguire here," he said. Then his face grew serious. "Oh my God. When? Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can. Thanks."

Helen sat up in the bed and looked at him, worried. "Mike? What happened?"

Mike raised tear filled eyes to meet hers. "My grandfather died," he answered softly. 

Helen stood up and without thinking hugged him tightly. Mike's arms tightened around her and she felt his body shake with silent sobs.


	15. Change of Pace Chapter 14

Helen stood up and without thinking hugged him tightly. Mike's arms tightened around her and she felt his body shake with silent sobs.

Helen held Mike closely, wishing there was something she could do to take away the pain. After a few minutes, he pulled away slightly. "I have to go there," he whispered hoarsely. Helen nodded. "I have to call the airlines and pack..."

Helen rubbed her hands down his arms gently. "I'll pack for you if you want, so you can call the airlines."

Mike nodded. "Will you come with me?" he asked softly.

Helen froze for a second. Go with him? And meet his family? But she was pregnant! They'd hate her! "I don't know," she said slowly. "This isn't the best time for me to meet them, they'll be upset and trying to get everything together...and you don't need me there, you should be with your family."

"You are my family, Helen," Mike objected. "And I do need you there. I need you to keep me from going crazy. Please? If you can't get the time off, I understand..."

Helen paused. He'd given her the perfect out, she was sure that the office wouldn't be happy with her taking more time off. But she didn't have any big cases coming up and what he'd said about her being his family...Helen nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll come, as long as you're sure you want me to. I mean, you don't need to be dealing with me on top of everything and I don't want it to cause any problems with your family."

"It won't," Mike promised. "Will you be okay, flying?"

Helen gave him a strange look. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"The baby..."

Helen's eyes grew wide. "Oh. No, I'm okay to fly up until my third trimester and I'm only five months. I'll pack my things, then we can call the airline. I doubt we'll get a flight out before tomorrow."

Mike nodded and kissed Helen gently. "Thank you," he whispered.

Helen smiled slightly. "I'm sorry this happened."

"I know," Mike said. Helen squeezed his hand, then pulled out her suitcase and began packing. She packed her black maternity suit, for the funeral and a black dress for the wake, along with a pair of jeans and her black capri pants and several tops. She might have to do laundry there, she didn't have very many maternity clothes. Helen added her underwear, shoes, and toiletries, then she scrawled a quick note to Ellenor and she and Mike went over to his apartment. While he called the airline for tickets, Helen packed his suitcase for him. He came back into the bedroom as Helen was about to lift the suitcase onto the floor. He took it from her and set it down himself. 

"Our flight is tomorrow morning at 8, so we should be there around 6."

Helen nodded. "I have to call Linds and tell her that I'm leaving and call the office, and I should call Ellie too. I'll be right back." Helen called Lindsay and told her what had happened, then called Ellenor and told her the same thing. She left a message on Ken Walsh's voice mail that there had been a family emergency and that she'd be out for a week. When she walked back into the bedroom an hour later, Mike was standing at the window, looking out. 

Helen sighed and walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his back. "There's nothing else we can do tonight," she whispered. "Let's get some sleep."

Mike nodded, but didn't move. Helen linked her fingers with his and led him to their bed. She laid down first and he laid next to her, his head resting on her shoulder and his hand stroking gently over the mound of their child. He felt the baby moving and Helen began stroking his hair gently. Despite his grief, Mike fell asleep, Helen holding him for comfort.

Helen jumped awake the next morning when the alarm went off at 4:00. Mike was still sleeping, thankfully, so she turned off the radio and carefully crawled out of bed. She showered and dressed in a pair of khaki capris and a blue short sleeved top. When she was ready and knew that Mike couldn't wait any longer, she bent and kissed him gently on the lips. 

"Michael," she whispered. "You need to get up now. It's 4:45."

Mike opened his eyes and smiled briefly at her before sadness clouded his eyes again. "How long have you been up?" he asked.

"Forty-five minutes. Not long. But we need to leave in half an hour so you need to get ready."

Mike nodded and climbed out of bed before kissing her again. "Thank you," he said, heading into the shower.

They arrived at Logan International Airport an hour later and it took them another hour to get through security. Once they were finally through, Helen's stomach growled so they went to find somewhere to eat breakfast. Unfortunately, the only place they could find was McDonald's. Helen ordered pancakes and orange juice while Mike had an egg mcmuffin and a coffee. Helen sighed sadly as she looked at Mike's coffee. Mike caught her glance and felt guilty. He stood up and tossed his coffee into the trash can, returning with an orange juice for himself.

Helen smiled. "You didn't have to do that," she said.

Mike shook his head. "It's not fair to you that I get to drink it and you don't. We both made this baby, so we should both have the same restrictions."

Helen smiled and leaned over, kissing Mike gently. "You're so good to me."

They threw out their garbage, then walked around for a little while. Helen bought copies of People, Cosmo, Glamour, and US Weekly. Finally, they were allowed to board the plane. Helen sat by a window and buckled her seatbelt under the bump of her stomach before leaning her head back against the seat and breathing deeply. 

Mike glanced over at her worriedly. "Are you okay, honey?"

Helen nodded but didn't open her eyes. "I'll be fine once we're up. I hate take offs and landings. I don't think the baby likes them either."

"Is she kicking?" Mike asked.

Helen nodded. "Pretty hard too."

Mike rested a hand on Helen's stomach and grinned when the baby kicked his hand. He stroked her stomach gently and kissed Helen's cheek. "Maybe she'll relax if her mommy does."

Helen nodded. "I'm trying."

Mike pried one of her hands off of the arm rest and laced his fingers with hers. "I'm sorry sweetheart. If I'd known you were afraid of flying, I wouldn't have asked you to come with."

"I'll be okay," Helen assured him. As the engines started, Helen gripped Mike's hand tighter. 

He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb comfortingly. "You're okay," he whispered. 

Helen nodded tensely. The plane began moving and as it picked up speed, Helen gripped Mike's hand tightly in hers and squeezed her eyes shut. Her whole body was stiff. She hated take offs and landings, they terrified her. Once they were in the air, she was fine but until they got there...it wasn't fun. Finally, Helen felt the plane leave the ground and after a few minutes it seemed to level off slightly. She let out the breath she'd been holding and opened her eyes slowly. She glanced at Mike and smiled nervously. 

Mike brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed hers gently. "We're up," he said soothingly. 

Helen nodded. "I'm okay."

Mike nodded in agreement and lifted the arm rest between them , drawing Helen into his embrace. She relaxed a little more and Mike smoothed a hand over her hair. "We'll be there in about two hours. Do you want to rest?"

Helen shook her head. "I'm okay for now." She closed her eyes and savored the feeling of Mike's arms around her. She knew it was her fault that she hadn't had that in awhile, but that didn't mean she hadn't missed it. Helen had almost forgotten how good it felt to have Mike hold her and how safe she felt when he did.

The rest of the flight was uneventful until landing when Helen again gripped Mike's hand and closed her eyes. Mike spoke softly to her, assuring her that she was okay and reminding her to breathe. Once they got off the plane, Mike gathered their luggage from baggage claim and found their limo that Helen had rented to take them to his parents' house in Elmhurst. Elmhurst was a suburb of Chicago and about 20 minutes from the airport since traffic was good. The limo turned onto Prospect Ave. and Helen took a deep breath, preparing. She wasn't sure how Mike's family would take to her having Mike's baby and not being married, or even engaged to him.

The limo pulled up to a small ranch house and Mike paid the driver, then unloaded their bags. Helen reached for her suitcase, but Mike shook his head. 

"No carrying heavy objects," he said firmly.

Helen rolled her eyes. "It has wheels."

"No dragging heavy objects either," Mike said with a small smile. Helen glanced nervously at the gold brick house and Mike reached over, turning her face back to him. "They'll love you," he reassured her.

Helen nodded but didn't look like she believed him. Mike led her up the walkway to his front door. Before he could even ring the bell, the front door was thrown open by a woman who looked like she was about 28. The woman threw her arms around Mike's neck and clung to him. He held her tightly, then pulled away. 

"Helen, I'd like you to meet my sister Sera. Sera, this is my girlfriend Helen."

Helen smiled weakly, feeling very nervous. "It's nice to meet you, Sera. I'm so sorry about your grandfather."

Sera nodded. "Thank you. It's nice to finally meet you, too. Mike's told us all so much about y..." Sera trailed off as she noticed Helen's stomach, which was sticking out. "You're...?"

Helen blushed and nodded as she tugged at her shirt in a vain attempt to hide her pregnancy. "Yes. Five months."

Sera smiled. "Congratulations." She swatted Mike on the arm lightly. "Why didn't you tell us? When's the wedding?"

"Uh, we're not getting married."

Sera stared at him, then back at Helen. "Why not?"

"We're not ready for that yet," Mike answered, not completely honestly.

"But when you were here a few months ago you said-"

Sera was cut off when Mike stepped on her foot and shook his head slightly. She covered by smiling at Helen. "Come in and meet the rest of the family. Things are a little crazy right now. The kids just got up from their naps and have tons of energy, so we're trying to keep them away from Mom and Dad."

Mike grinned. "How are the rugrats?" he asked as he slipped his arm around Helen's waist for support. Helen smiled gratefully and squeezed his hand in hers. 

"They're great," Sera said.

"How many kids are there?" Helen asked. "Mike's told me, but I can't remember all of their ages."

Sera beamed. "My three are Adam who's 5, Alexis who's 3, and Adrienne is 4 months. Our brother Isaac and his wife Jessica have four. Georgia is 11 and likes to be called Georgie, Phoenix is 8, Austin is 6, and Paris is 18 months. So your little one will fit right in. Do you know the sex yet?"

Helen shook her head. "No, not yet. We want to be surprised."

Sera nodded in understanding. "Why don't we go inside. They're probably wondering what's taking so long." Sera grabbed Helen's suitcase, and led the way into the house. 

Mike turned to Helen and smiled. "Are you ready?"

Helen took a deep breath. "Yeah. Are you sure they won't hate me because of the baby?"

Mike smiled. "You're carrying their grandbaby, they'll love you."

Helen nodded but felt better when Mike slipped his hand through hers and walked in ahead of her. The small living room was full of people. Two older people, Helen assumed Mike's parents were sitting on the couch. A man who looked like Mike, only taller, was talking on the phone while a tall blonde woman was trying to put leaves in the dining room table with the assistance of a red haired man. A blonde girl, who Helen figured must be Georgie was sitting around looking bored while one baby sat in a baby seat and another toddled around the room. 

Sera cleared her throat and everyone looked up. When they saw Mike, the older woman's eyes filled with tears and she stood, walking over to hug him tightly.

"Thank you for coming, Michael," she whispered.

Mike hugged her back before stepping aside. "Mom, this is Helen Gamble, my girlfriend. Helen, my mom Mary Anne."

Helen smiled cautiously. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Maguire."

Mike's mom hugged her. "It's nice to meet you too, Helen. Michael's told us so much about you. And call me Mary Anne." 

Mike's dad came over and had already hugged Mike. Mike introduced his father Sean, then introduced the rest of his family. The red haired man was Patrick, Sera's husband, the dark haired one was Isaac and the blonde woman was Jessica, or Jessie. Apparently, Adam, Alexis, Phoenix, and Austin were all outside playing. When she was introduced to Georgie, the young girl looked at Helen closely. 

"Are you pregnant?" she asked curiously.

Helen's face turned bright red and she tugged on her shirt as Jessie shushed her daughter. 

"But she looks like she is," Georgie argued. "She's so skinny, but her stomach's sticking out, just like when you and Aunt Sera were pregnant."

Mike laughed nervously. His whole family was now staring at them intently. Or rather, staring at Helen's stomach. Mike slipped his hand through Helen's and squeezed it comfortingly. "Well, this wasn't how we planned to announce it, but yes. Helen and I are having a baby."

The room was dead silent for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Mary Anne smiled slightly. "This is certainly a surprise but congratulations!"

The rest of the family quickly added their congratulations. After things had calmed down somewhat, Sean suggested that Mike show Helen his old room, where they'd be staying. Mike led Helen through a doorway into a small hall, then into a room with two large couches and a television set in it.

"They redid it after Isaac moved out," Mike explained. "Isaac and I shared this room from the time Isaac was born until I went to school. He and Jessie live a few blocks from here now."

Helen nodded. "So...we'll each have a couch?" she asked with a bit of doubt in her voice.

Mike laughed. "No, no, the big one folds out into a king sized bed. It's actually comfortable too."

Helen sat down on the longer couch, then sighed, raising her feet so they were elevated too. She leaned her head back against the arm and closed her eyes.

Mike laid both suitcases on the ground. "We don't have any drawers, so I'll hang our clothes up."

"Thanks, honey," Helen murmured. She didn't know why, but suddenly she was exhausted. Mike turned around when he was finished and smiled, seeing Helen curled up against the back of the couch. He lifted her up and laid her on the smaller couch before, as quietly as he could, pulling out the sofa bed. He carried Helen back to the bed and tucked her in. When he saw her sleeping, his own fatigue overcame him and he laid down next to her. 

They didn't sleep for long and when they woke up, it was because a little voice yelled through the door, "Uncle Mike, Nana says lunch is ready!"

Mike groaned. "Thank you!" he yelled back. 

Helen stretched. "Who was that?" she asked sleepily.

"I think Adam," he answered. "What time is it?"

Helen looked at her watch. "Noon."

They stood up and Mike showed Helen where the bathroom was. She splashed cold water on her face and followed Mike into the living room/dining room. There was a huge buffet style meal spread out on the table and everyone was helping themselves. Helen ended up sitting with Sera and Jessica since the men seemed to be having a serious conversation. When she was full, Helen threw her plate away and watched baby Adrienne who was cooing happily in her seat. Sera followed her gaze and smiled. 

"Do you want to hold her?"

Helen looked at Sera surprised before smiling and nodding. Sera handed Helen the baby and Helen cradled Adrienne to her. "Hey sweetie," she whispered, stroking a finger over the baby's cheek. "You are so beautiful. Yes you are," Helen said with a warm smile. Adrienne smiled and grabbed Helen's finger. Helen held the baby for several minutes until she patted her diaper testingly. "I think someone's wet," she said, standing. 

"You don't have to do that," Sera said, standing also. "I'll take her."

"I can do it," Helen insisted. "Where are her things?"

Sera looked surprised. "In the other bedroom. Go like you're going to your room, but make a sharp left instead of going straight."

Helen walked into the room and found a diaper bag with "Adrienne" written across the side. She quickly changed the baby's diaper, talking to her the whole time to keep her distracted. When she finished, Helen picked up the baby and sat down in a white wooden rocking chair. As she rocked back and forth, Helen kept talking to the baby.

"Well, you're not going to be the baby of the family for much longer, Adrienne. Your uncle Mike and I are having a baby. It's not exactly planned, but we're still really happy about it. I hope that you two will get along and be friends." 

Helen fell silent then, rocking the baby. She didn't know how long she sat there, but it felt good. Mike's family had been nice, but she could still feel them watching her. Probably judging her, she thought sadly. Wondering why their wonderful son would be with someone like her, who would be pregnant and not marry the father. Asking themselves why Mike would bring her there, to something so personal, when she was an outsider. She rarely felt intimidated and hated it when she did. It made her defensive and that wasn't the kind of impression she wanted to make on Mike's family. Though to be honest, showing up to Mike's grandfather's funeral while 5 ½ months pregnant wasn't that impression either.

Mike walked into the extra bedroom and smiled, seeing Helen rocking his niece. He cleared his throat and she looked up, surprised. Then she smiled when she saw him. Mike walked over to the chair and crouched next to her, one hand reaching up to play with Adrienne's fingers. 

"Are you hiding out?" he asked softly.

Helen shrugged. "Maybe a little. I came in to change her diaper and it just seemed...easier in here."

"Talk to me," Mike requested gently.

Helen paused. Mike was worrying about so much already, he had so much on his plate, she didn't want to be another problem for him. "She's beautiful," Helen whispered, looking at Adrienne.

Mike nodded. "Ours will be, too."

Helen smiled. "It's so amazing to think about. I'm sitting here holding her, seeing her, and feeling our baby move in my stomach. And in 3 ½ months, I'll be holding our baby."

Mike looked up at Helen. "Is that what you're worried about? The baby?"

Helen paused, then shook her head. "I'm not worried about the baby. I'm worried..." She took a deep breath. "I'm worried that she won't know your family. They seem so wonderful, but I'm worried that they hate me. I mean, I come here, a stranger, into their home, with their oldest son and brother, pregnant and not married..."

"They don't hate you," Mike soothed.

"They keep staring at me," Helen said, hating the vulnerability she heard in her own voice.

Mike shook his head. "No they're not." 

Helen turned to him, angrily. "Don't tell me they're not, Michael. I'm not imagining it! Maybe you don't see it, but I do. I can feel them staring at me and judging me and..." Helen broke off, tears streaming down her face. Adrienne began to fuss in her arms, and Helen tried to swallow her tears. 

"Hey...sweetie," she whispered haltingly. "Sh. It's... okay Adrienne, we...we weren't fighting." When the baby continued to cry, Helen stood up, hoping walking would help. 

Mike rose also and caught Helen in his arms. He pulled her to him, Adrienne and their child nestled between them. Helen buried her face in his chest, crying. "They're not judging you," he whispered. "They're not. They're just curious. You're the first woman I've brought home with me, ever, and you're having my baby. They're curious, but they're not judging you. You know what my dad said to me?"

"What?" Helen asked softly, her voice muffled.

"He said that I should hang on to you, that you're a good one. And guess what. I happen to agree with him."

Helen pulled back and looked up, her watery blue eyes meeting his hazel ones, eyes that always showed his love for her. "Well I happen to think that you're pretty great yourself. It's just...I know how important they are to you..."

"You're important to me too," Mike said softly. "Very very important. And my family will love you, as soon as they get to know you." Helen nodded, but showed no intention of moving from his arms. Mike laughed softly. "Honey, they won't get to know you if you hide in here."

Helen laughed also. "I guess you're right." She paused and realized that the baby was quiet. She glanced down and saw Adrienne sound asleep in her arms. "She calmed down," Helen whispered, not wanting to wake her up.

"Maybe she just needed you to calm down too."

"Maybe," Helen agreed.

"Ready to come back out?"

Helen nodded. Mike slipped an arm around her waist and together, they walked towards the door. Helen looked up at Mike. "What were you men talking about?"

"Earlier? Isaac and Patrick and I are going to be pall bearers at the funeral. The wake is tomorrow and the funeral is the day after."

Helen leaned her head against Mike's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Mike nodded and drew her closer. "Me too," he answered.

The next day, Helen was woken up by Mike kissing the back of her neck. "Honey, time to get up," he whispered.

Helen rolled over and looked into his eyes. Hers widened when she saw he was already dressed. "What time is it?" she asked, sitting up quickly.

"It's 9:45. We have to be at the funeral home by noon, but I know how long it takes you to get ready."

Helen smirked as she stood up and gathered her robe. "Very funny. I'll be ready in an hour."

True to her word, Helen emerged from the bathroom in an hour, dressed with hair done and make up on. Mike looked up from his seat on the couch and smiled. She was wearing a black dress with a black suit coat over it and her hair was pulled back into a bun. "You ready?" Mike asked.

Helen nodded and slipped a hand through his as he stood. "Are you?" Mike shrugged and they walked together to Mike's parents' car. Mike drove since his father wasn't in a state to and Helen sat in the back with his mother. 

The funeral home was in town and it only took them a few minutes to get there. The funeral director showed the family to a private room which they could use at any time if they needed a break. It had two vending machines, one for soda and one for candy, and a coffee maker along with two big couches and several chairs. The family was also allowed time to pay their respects before the wake began at two. It was scheduled to last until seven that night.

Helen stayed glued to Mike's side through the whole day both for support and because she felt awkward, a feeling she'd always hated. After awhile of meeting people, friends of Mike, his parents, or his grandfather, Helen volunteered to stay with the younger children for awhile in the family's room. Sera and Jessie had been taking turns and Helen felt bad. They should be in the receiving line, after all, they knew the people. The youngest kids were fairly easy to entertain. Helen read to them or helped them color pictures. Adrienne slept most of the time. The only one that Helen had any trouble with was Georgie. The girl drifted between the receiving line and the family room for hours. To most people, it probably seemed like she was bored or being moody. Helen recognized some of the signs though. Jessie came in to relieve her and Helen pulled her off to the side.

"It's almost 5. Nobody ate much for lunch, so I was thinking of running out to get sandwiches or something. I think I saw a Jimmy John's nearby."

Jessie smiled slightly. "Thanks, that would be great Helen." She walked over to her purse and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill. "I know Sera will chip in too."

Helen shook her head and pushed the bill away. "I got it. I was wondering if I could take Georgie with me though. She seems to need some time away and I could use a hand carrying everything."

Jessie bit her lower lip. "I guess that would be fine. Who's car are you taking?"

"I thought we'd walk, it's nice out." Jessie nodded and Helen grabbed her purse. "I'm just going to tell Mike where I'm going so he doesn't worry. We'll be back in about half an hour."

Helen walked into the room where the wake was being held and approached Mike from behind. "Hey," she whispered. "How are you doing?"

Mike shrugged. "Okay. How about you?"

"I'm fine. Hungry, but fine. I'm going to take Georgie and run pick up something for everyone to eat."

Mike smiled. "Thanks honey."

Helen left the room quickly, well aware of the speculative glances aimed her way. She found Georgie in the hall. "Hey," Helen said softly. "I was looking for you."

Georgie eyed Helen warily. "Why? I didn't do anything."

Helen's lips quirked into a slight smile. "I know. Actually I was hoping you could help me. I'm getting hungry and no one else has eaten so I was going to run get some sandwiches."

Georgie's brow furrowed. "Why do you need me?"

"Well I could use some help carrying everything and you look like you could use a break."

Georgie nodded, then stopped. "My mom probably won't let me," she said.

"I talked to her already and she said it's fine, if you want to come that is. You don't have to."

Georgie smiled then and nodded. "Okay." They started walking towards the back door, figuring that it would be easier to slip out that way. Once they were outside, Georgie looked up at Helen. "Where are we going?"

"I thought I saw a Jimmy John's a few blocks away. Do you like them?"

Georgie nodded. "Are we walking?"

"I thought we could. It's good for the baby."

Georgie nodded again. They walked in silence for a block before Helen decided to seize the proverbial bull by the horns.

"How are you doing?" she asked gently.

Georgie looked at her, surprised. "What?"

Helen sighed. "This has to be hard for you. You're the oldest, you understand what's happening better than the other kids do, but you're still not quite an adult."

Georgie nodded. "Part of me wants to be in the line, but I feel awkward there. Then when I'm in the family room, I feel like I'm too old to be there." She paused awkwardly. "Why am I telling you this?" she asked, almost to herself. "I don't even know you."

Helen shrugged. "Maybe that's why. I'm safe because you don't know me."

Georgie felt tears sting her eyes and blinked them back. "I shouldn't be this upset," she said softly, sitting on a bench.

Helen sat down next to her. "Why not?" she asked gently. "He was your great-grandfather and you loved him."

Georgie nodded and wiped a hand under her eyes. "I don't have the right though. I mean, he was Grandpa's father and Dad and everyone's grandfather. They have more of a right to be upset and more to deal with. I shouldn't be one of the things that they have to deal with."

Helen felt her heart go out to the young girl sitting next to her and knew she'd done the right thing in giving Georgie the chance to talk to someone. "That's not true," she said softly. "I'm sure you loved your great-grandfather just as much as everyone else did. You have just as much of a right to be upset as they do."

Georgie shook her head. "It's my fault," she whispered.

Helen stared at her, stunned. "Wha- Georgie, honey why would you think that it's your fault?"

"I had a dream," Georgie started, tears again welling in her eyes and pouring down her cheeks. "Grandpa Sean died and I was at my friend Anna's house. Then I was at Anna's in real life and Mom came and got me and told me he'd died. If I told someone, maybe they could have stopped it."

"Oh sweetie," Helen reached over and drew Georgie into a hug. "Georgie, it's not your fault. Your Grandpa Sean was very sick for a long time and he was very old. Sometimes, it's just a person's time to die and there's nothing that you or anyone else can do to stop it. God just wanted to bring him home."

"It's not fair," Georgie sobbed into Helen's arms. "He was the only one who understood me. He came to all of my skating shows and I got to go to his house after school instead of having to go to a baby-sitter. And he listened to me, really listened, not like I was just some stupid kid."

Not knowing what to say, Helen rocked Georgie back and forth gently until her tears slowed, then stopped. Helen took a Kleenex out of her purse and wiped Georgie's cheeks with it. "I know you miss him. But you'll always remember him and how wonderful and how much he loved you. And you have a very important job now. The littler kids might not remember everything about him and you'll have to tell them. By doing that, you can keep him alive for them."

Georgie sniffed and looked at Helen with watery green eyes. "Really?" she asked softly.

Helen nodded. "Really. My grandma died when I was 17 and I loved her very much. It makes me sad to think that my children won't know her, but I can still tell them all about her."

Georgie nodded and leaned over, hugging Helen tightly. "Thank you," she said softly.

"Anytime," Helen answered, hugging her back. "And for the record, I don't think you're just some stupid kid. I think you're very smart and special."

Georgie smiled slightly. "Thanks." She paused. "We should get lunch before everyone wonders where we went."

Helen nodded. "When we get there, why don't you go wash your face and I'll order. We can eat there and bring everything back for them. Then you can either stand in the receiving line with your parents or stay in the waiting room, which ever you're the most comfortable with." Helen personally thought that being in the receiving line was what Georgie needed but she didn't want to force anything on her that she wasn't ready for.

They stood up and started again walking towards Jimmy John's when Georgie looked up at Helen curiously. "How come you don't stand in the line with Uncle Mike?"

Helen sighed. "It's kind of complicated. I don't want it to be awkward for Mike. It's not exactly the ideal time for him to be introducing people to his pregnant girlfriend and, as you proved yesterday, I can't exactly hide it."

Georgie shrugged. "Maybe it would help him to have you there. I mean, Dad has Mom and Aunt Sera has Uncle Isaac. Maybe Uncle Mike needs you too."

Helen shrugged. "Maybe," she answered noncommitedly. 

As the approached the door to the restaurant, Georgie stopped and looked up at Helen. "If you stand in the line, I will too."

Helen looked down at the girl who was far wiser than her years. "Deal," she said. 

Once they got back to the funeral home, Helen dropped off the sandwiches in the family room and walked into the wake. She walked behind Mike and linked her fingers with his. He turned and smiled slightly. "Hey," he whispered. "Did you just get back?"

Helen nodded. "There are sandwiches in the family room for everyone."

"I'll let my parents go first," Mike said. "Then the kids can go in shifts." He turned back to the receiving line which he'd been holding up and was surprised hen Helen stood next to him. "You're staying?" he asked, somewhat confused. 

Helen nodded. "I want to be here for you."

Mike smiled and kissed her cheek gently. "Thank you," he whispered before turning back to the elderly woman standing in front of him. "It's good to see you, Mrs. Wickett. Thank you for coming."

"Your grandfather was a special man, Michael."

Mike nodded. "Yes he was. Mrs. Wickett, this is my girlfriend, Helen," he said, turning slightly towards Helen. "Mrs. Wickett was my Sunday school teacher."

"Hello, dear," Mrs. Wickett said. "Did you know Sean?"

Helen shook her head. "Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to meet him, but Mike told me wonderful things about him."

Mrs. Wickett nodded. "When is your baby due?" she asked curiously.

"In four months," Helen answered softly. 

"Hopefully yours won't be as big of a handful as it's father was," Mrs. Wickett said. She moved on and Helen breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she could handle this afterall.

The next day was the funeral and a luncheon in the basement of the church. Helen and Mike left for Boston the day after the funeral, promising to keep everybody updated on the baby and to come back to visit soon. As they got off the plane in Boston, Helen reached in her purse and turned her cell phone on. She was surprised to see that she'd missed 10 calls since turning it off to board the plane. She called her voice mail while Mike gathered their luggage and her stomach dropped when she heard the panicked voice of the first message. 

"Helen, it's Bobby. There's been an emergency..." 


End file.
